Dumped for a therapist

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just wandered if anyone else has had this situation. My ex started seeing a therapist which I was so hopeful would help but esculated how black he was painting me at a rapid pace until he left me again, this time quoting "i'm fine now, i'm over this problem, I don't need anyone emotionally clse to me because I have my therapist to listen to me!" It is like he's found someone to listen to and adore him so completely it has replaced our whole relationship. "she understands and listens to him" YOU ARE PAYING HER!

[Delilah12]

Just wandered if anyone else has had this situation. My ex started seeing a therapist which I was so hopeful would help but esculated how black he was painting me at a rapid pace until he left me again, this time quoting "i'm fine now, i'm over this problem, I don't need anyone emotionally clse to me because I have my therapist to listen to me!" It is like he's found someone to listen to and adore him so completely it has replaced our whole relationship. "she understands and listens to him" YOU ARE PAYING HER!

[seektruth]

And soon he will split her back and so the cycle goes... .

Also, it is not uncommon for therapists to be manipulated by pwBPD.  It is another reason why treatment is so difficult as the therapist him/herself can be snowballed by their lies - we have seen for ourselves how normal they can appear to be, at least in the beginning and in front of the right people (which would include a therapist). 

[little doggy]

My xbpw would see a T.Then I'd see them and they would be surprised that I was nothing like the person described.I was normal and caring and reasonable. Surprise, surprise, my x would look for a new T. Bps are very convincing when presenting their version of history. But the mask usually and eventually slips and their true face is revealed.Its a very frustrating cycle

[squinch]

My xbpw would see a T.Then I'd see them and they would be surprised that I was nothing like the person described.I was normal and caring and reasonable. Surprise, surprise, my x would look for a new T. Bps are very convincing when presenting their version of history. But the mask usually and eventually slips and their true face is revealed.Its a very frustrating cycle

Is it not possible to refer each new therapist to the old therapists?  Or to ask the new therapist what experience they have of BPD before you spend your time repeating the same exercise?

[2010]

Delilah12, I think it's important to understand why this is upsetting to you. Normally, it shouldn't be a problem for two people when one of them seeks therapy. If you feel a bit of jealousy, then it's a great time to ask yourself where this feeling comes from.  

[little doggy]

Of course she doesn't go to the T's I choose. Its her T's. Fortunately, I found a T who xbpw would go to (but who knows exactly what's she's like). Its not helped make the separation (and co-parenting) any easier but she has been great for me and my emotional well being.

[Delilah12]

They are unbelievably good at painting a pictuer where they are the ultimate bad guy, to the point where I sometimes believe it. But in my heart I know this is not my fault. Thanks 2010 for the link, I had a look at it and there's some interesting stuff there but strangely enough when he left this time my overwhelming feeling was that of relief and it still is. I am sad that this is definitely it now and our divorce will be absolute but I also know I did all I can and being around him was very damaging to me as a person. I just wandered if this is common with BPD to almost have a transfer of feelings from one person to another? I have a very strong feeling the next time he is lonely and I think he will stop seeing the T now (in his mind he is fixed after 4 sessions?) he will be trying to come back. I am fully prepared for this and will not allow any contact apart from things related to our seperation. Has anyone else seen it where you are the 'amazing one' but then someone else, it can be anyone, a male or female friend/ love interest gets just a little bit close to him and it's as if he can't care about more than one person at a time, all attention goes to them and off me (or who ever else is in favour) I have seen him do this countless times throughout our relationship and just wandered if this is typical