Why isn't co-dependence called a disorder?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I just asked my self, because the most of us suffer co-dependency ,also based on abandon fears,

and seems to repeat also pathalogical, why that is not a disorder ?

[Manon46]

I just asked my self, because the most of us suffer co-dependency ,also based on abandon fears,

and seems to repeat also pathalogical, why that is not a disorder ?

[Koro]

I just asked my self, because the most of us suffer co-dependency ,also based on abandon fears,

and seems to repeat also pathalogical, why that is not a disorder ?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=117228.new#new

[Beast98]

I think it's an overused label for people that don't head for the hills when problems arise in relationships. It's an imperfect world filled with imperfect people. It's like the mindset is that flawed individuals, ok, highly flawed, like those with addiction problems, mental illnesses, ect. should be cast out and destined to spend their miserable lives alone.

Maybe we can find an island somewhere and simply discard problematic people there. Or better still, we could put them on the ships to that island and deposit them where there is no island. Oops!    

And there you have it... .No more codependancy.

[Manon46]

Sorry hadn't seen it ...

[ron7127]

The co-dependency label is way overused, IMO. One does not just cut and run when one has vowed to be faithful, has kids, mortgages etc.

What seems to get overlooked in the co-dependency analysis, is the fact that the abusive behaviors are seldom displayed until serious enmeshment has taken place. I think most of us would have run off early, had the disordered person in our lives revealed him/herself before we became seriously enmeshed.

Yes, there may have been some red flags that we overlooked or ignored. But, this was due to ignorance/naivete vs masochism or co-dependence, in many case.

[paul16]

The DSM-IV doesn't have a specific code for co-dependence but I think it could be covered under one of the following codes (NOS stands for not otherwise specified):

289.9     Psychotic Disorder NOS

300.02   Generalized Anxiety Disorder

301.06   Dependent Personality Disorder

301.09   Personality Disorder NOS

I have been diagnised with a couple of these and in each case they were used as a cover all to bill insurance companies. (They have to diagnose you with something or they have nothing to treat!)

And they say our health care system is broken... .

[2010]

It is a disorder. However, as applied to many people on this forum- it is not applicable to most. It can be co-morbid with Narcissism, Borderline and Histrionic as well as Schizotypal.

"Individuals with DPD see relationships with significant others as necessary for survival. They do not define themselves as able to function independently; they have to be in supportive relationships to be able to manage their lives. In order to establish and maintain these life-sustaining relationships, people with DPD will avoid even covert expressions of anger. They will be more than meek and docile; they will be admiring, loving, and willing to give their all.

They will be loyal, unquestioning, and affectionate. They will be tender and considerate toward those upon whom they depend (Millon, 1981, p. 114). Dependent individuals play the inferior role to the superior other very well; they communicate to the dominant people in their lives that they are useful, sympathetic, strong, and competent (Millon, 1981, p. 114).

With these methods, individuals with DPD are often able to get along with unpredictable, isolated, or unpleasant people (Kantor, 1992, p. 170). To further make this possible, individuals with DPD will approach both their own and others' failures and shortcomings with a saccharine attitude and indulgent tolerance (Millon, 1981, p. 113).

They will engage in a mawkish minimization, denial, or distortion of both their own and others' negative, self-defeating, or destructive behaviors to sustain an idealized, and sometimes fictional, story of the relationships upon which they depend. They will deny their individuality, their differences, and ask for little other than acceptance and support (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 332).

Not only will individuals with DPD subordinate their needs to those of others, they will meet unreasonable demands and submit to abuse and intimidation to avoid isolation and abandonment (Millon, 1981, pp. 107–108).

Dependent individuals so fear being unable to function alone that they will agree with things they believe are wrong rather than risk losing the help of people upon whom they depend (DSM-IV, 1994, p. 665). They will volunteer for unpleasant tasks if that will bring them the care and support they need. They will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to maintain important bonds (DSM-IV, 1994, pp. 665–666).

It is important to note that individuals with DPD, in spite of the intensity of their need for others, do not necessarily attach strongly to specific individuals, i.e., they will become quickly and indiscriminately attached to others when they have lost a significant relationship (DSM-IV, 1990, p. 666). It is the strength of the dependency needs that is being addressed; attachment figures are basically interchangeable. Attachment to others is a self-referenced and, at times, haphazard process of securing the protection of the most readily available powerful other willing to provide nurturance and care.

Both DPD and HPD are distinguished from other personality disorders by their need for social approval and affection and by their willingness to live in accord with the desires of others. They both feel paralyzed when they are alone and need constant assurance that they will not be abandoned. Individuals with DPD are passive individuals who lean on others to guide their lives. People with HPD are active individuals who take the initiative to arrange and modify the circumstances of their lives. They have the will and ability to take charge of their lives and to make active demands on others (Millon & Davis, 1996, p. 325).