oops

[Depression = 72% of members]

Totally understand. But I think we think one way and they think another and we will never get the "I'm sorry" or "I did you wrong." Some thing a "normal" person would say.

I think they have such a feeling of despair that they just don't even go there, put the blame all on your shoulders to maintain the "victim" role and then move on to the next person, putting all their focus and energy on them, not even thinking of the past other than how "bad" we were. 

yep. I struggle with how is he so nice to his new gf. He never treated me that nice. stupid, but I struggle. Facebook is horrid. My kids have him on facebook, of course, that's their dad. Well, 2 of my kids don't, but that's another story. But yesterday morning, I went to Facebook and it was my dd page and right there in front of my eyes was him saying to his gf -- "You're the best, Honey" and her response -- "Thank you so much for yesterday. I love you deeply. Can't wait to spend the weekend with you."

ouch. whatever though. I don't miss him. He was horrid. still... .there's the -- Hey, why am I treated so badly? but whatever.

I think, for me and because my xBPDh is high functioning, I think definitely if he did something like that on Facebook -- cutting you out of a picture -- yes, definitely it was intentional. But that's just my take.

I try and stay away from his Facebook stuff -- he's blocked -- but sometimes it's staring right at ya.

I'm sorry Ozz. It's hard. It stinks.

I know, thanks for the input

[ozzanoid24]

Totally understand. But I think we think one way and they think another and we will never get the "I'm sorry" or "I did you wrong." Some thing a "normal" person would say.

I think they have such a feeling of despair that they just don't even go there, put the blame all on your shoulders to maintain the "victim" role and then move on to the next person, putting all their focus and energy on them, not even thinking of the past other than how "bad" we were. 

yep. I struggle with how is he so nice to his new gf. He never treated me that nice. stupid, but I struggle. Facebook is horrid. My kids have him on facebook, of course, that's their dad. Well, 2 of my kids don't, but that's another story. But yesterday morning, I went to Facebook and it was my dd page and right there in front of my eyes was him saying to his gf -- "You're the best, Honey" and her response -- "Thank you so much for yesterday. I love you deeply. Can't wait to spend the weekend with you."

ouch. whatever though. I don't miss him. He was horrid. still... .there's the -- Hey, why am I treated so badly? but whatever.

I think, for me and because my xBPDh is high functioning, I think definitely if he did something like that on Facebook -- cutting you out of a picture -- yes, definitely it was intentional. But that's just my take.

I try and stay away from his Facebook stuff -- he's blocked -- but sometimes it's staring right at ya.

I'm sorry Ozz. It's hard. It stinks.

I know, thanks for the input

[2idealistic]

I think Goldstar is so right about what we're really seeking in the heartrending silence and wondering of NC:  "Will the 'I'm sorry.' or 'What was I thinking?' ever come?"  Somehow because we nons are wired to have rational thought and empathy to accompany our deep emotional attachment and commitment to these troubled BP's that we come to love, support, live for, and hope against hope to become whole, we can't fathom how one can go from talking to someone every day numerous times a day for months, even years (two in my case) to a death in life.  Of course, it defies logic, reason . . . kinda like love itself.

[turtlesoup]

"Block this person" at the bottom of their facebook page.

My exBPD, very soon after we broke up started using pictures I'd taken of her or us at times when we were happy. This was a big diversion as for the previous 3 years she had always had one image of an orb, with no picture.

It worked two fold, she could put up pictures of her face probably she was doing some facebook flirting and it played with my head as she had changed her behaviour completely and it felt like I was being taunted with these pictures. Maybe that's paranoia. The best way to stop paranoia? Block her off.

People sometimes ask me if I wonder how she is. I know I write about my experiences a lot and have done a lot of processing but I never think about what she is doing, who she may be dating, I don't look for clues, I don't try to speak to mutual friends, I don't want to know anything whatsoever and I really can't see a time that will change. No Contact for me is strict and total and includes finding photos of her. She has been wiped from my world!

[turtlesoup]

Totally understand. But I think we think one way and they think another and we will never get the "I'm sorry" or "I did you wrong." Some thing a "normal" person would say.

I think they have such a feeling of despair that they just don't even go there, put the blame all on your shoulders to maintain the "victim" role and then move on to the next person, putting all their focus and energy on them, not even thinking of the past other than how "bad" we were. 

yep. I struggle with how is he so nice to his new gf. He never treated me that nice. stupid, but I struggle. Facebook is horrid. My kids have him on facebook, of course, that's their dad. Well, 2 of my kids don't, but that's another story. But yesterday morning, I went to Facebook and it was my dd page and right there in front of my eyes was him saying to his gf -- "You're the best, Honey" and her response -- "Thank you so much for yesterday. I love you deeply. Can't wait to spend the weekend with you."

ouch. whatever though. I don't miss him. He was horrid. still... .there's the -- Hey, why am I treated so badly? but whatever.

I think, for me and because my xBPDh is high functioning, I think definitely if he did something like that on Facebook -- cutting you out of a picture -- yes, definitely it was intentional. But that's just my take.

I try and stay away from his Facebook stuff -- he's blocked -- but sometimes it's staring right at ya.

I'm sorry Ozz. It's hard. It stinks.

If you use the "block this person" feature you don't see anything whatsoever they have written. We do have mutual friends and sometimes there are gaps in a conversation which probably are filled by her words. However, I dont read the pages of our mutual friends either. Maybe I am militant here but I have to be!

[2010]

From 16 floors:

they consciously do not want to take blame for anything, because they consciously would have to face all the pain and hurt they have caused, and thus the manipulation and deception to remain a "victim". 

Yes, but this is a disorder- not a rational thought process. It is as illogical and nonsensical as behavior can be. This contradicts a manipulation of purposely placing a photo in order to rub salt in the wound. In fact, I really dont think that Cluster B people actually think of others at all. The cutting out of a person is symbolic- but it isnt done with mal intent. It's done because of a search for self. The break-up was symbolic of a fragmentation of their personality- and bits and pieces still remain from previous relationships. That's what mirroring gets them... .sort of a quasi retro haze of past tense people that they tried to attach to.  You may even have been "blenderized" with others.

Meanwhile they are searching for your replacement- they are not loitering and being vicious. Really, the only time they are vicious after the break-up- is when you return to confront- or try to re-engage them. That's when "they consciously do not want to take blame for anything, because they consciously would have to face all the pain and hurt they have caused, and thus the manipulation and deception to remain a "victim"."

[ozzanoid24]

From 16 floors:

they consciously do not want to take blame for anything, because they consciously would have to face all the pain and hurt they have caused, and thus the manipulation and deception to remain a "victim". 

Meanwhile they are searching for your replacement- they are not loitering and being vicious. Really, the only time they are vicious after the break-up- is when you return to confront- or try to re-engage them. That's when "they consciously do not want to take blame for anything, because they consciously would have to face all the pain and hurt they have caused, and thus the manipulation and deception to remain a "victim"."

I never looked at that part about them being :vicioius"

[ozzanoid24]

sometimes though, when I am doing better, for some reason or another something reminds me of her and then I cant get her out of my head... .

It sometimes is overwhelming . Is this just a phase?  I didn't want to start a new topic for this as I have this one open. I am still going no contact, 5 months.

What is weird and I don't know if I ever will phase this out... .I catch my self unconsiously looking for her. what i mean is just out in public or where ever I see a glimpse of what I think of her.  Yes it is not logical at all given where I am and the circumstances, but it can be really surreal.

[DAS]

sometimes though, when I am doing better, for some reason or another something reminds me of her and then I cant get her out of my head... .

It sometimes is overwhelming . Is this just a phase?  I didn't want to start a new topic for this as I have this one open. I am still going no contact, 5 months.

What is weird and I don't know if I ever will phase this out... .I catch my self unconsiously looking for her. what i mean is just out in public or where ever I see a glimpse of what I think of her.  Yes it is not logical at all given where I am and the circumstances, but it can be really surreal.

No worries mate. As I actually SAW mine with her new guy a few times in the first month after, ya I keep an eye out. But certainly less than I once did. The week after I kicked her out I was paranoid she would try to jump me when I walked the dog.

And ya - sometimes I still think of her. That usually brings with it the anger at what she did to me. Just tonight I cursed in the direction of the place I know she was at. It's very close to my condo.

I think, at the very least, when we find new people the thoughts of the BPDex will fade.

[ozzanoid24]

i agree but sometimes it just overwhelms. Maybe I need to tell myself each daynot to think of her

[DAS]

i agree but sometimes it just overwhelms. Maybe I need to tell myself each daynot to think of her

If someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant, chances are you will think of a pink elephant.

Don't fight the emotions or thoughts. Just recognize them, acknowledge them and keep going.

In time, it fades. I think about my exBPD far less frequently then I did right after the breakup. Sometimes I go all day without thinking of her. Other days it's the moment I wake up.

Dealing with a breakup with a pwBPD is some heavy stuff. Respect that. But time will change everything.

[T2H]

chances are you will think of a pink elephant.

That also happens if you drink too much... .

maybe trying to forget about your ex.

[ozzanoid24]

i agree but sometimes it just overwhelms. Maybe I need to tell myself each daynot to think of her

If someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant, chances are you will think of a pink elephant.

Don't fight the emotions or thoughts. Just recognize them, acknowledge them and keep going.

In time, it fades. I think about my exBPD far less frequently then I did right after the breakup. Sometimes I go all day without thinking of her. Other days it's the moment I wake up.

Dealing with a breakup with a pwBPD is some heavy stuff. Respect that. But time will change everything.

I have to post again as I made this same mistake but accidentally. I seenshe has a new picture on facebook in which I preceded to immedately click offline and get out...

here is the thing... .


since the break up, I dont know how to describe this, but when contact is made, my stomache knots up and my heart races, but I know this isnt a good sign... .its like my body is telling me I did something wrong?

I am still no contact.

I dont know how to react to any of this. If i ever talked to her again, do i be the bigger man and be corgual, or do i call her out and use every four letter word possible?  It sends me in a wirl every time this kinda bs happens and its my OWN fault for feeling this way but sometimes its hard to help it

[ozzanoid24]

it hit me, and why do i forget this... .even though she is moved away,even in that picture . she still has BPD>... .  it didnt just magically go away

[DAS]

I have to post again as I made this same mistake but accidentally. I seenshe has a new picture on facebook in which I preceded to immedately click offline and get out...

here is the thing... .


since the break up, I dont know how to describe this, but when contact is made, my stomache knots up and my heart races, but I know this isnt a good sign... .its like my body is telling me I did something wrong?

I am still no contact.

I dont know how to react to any of this. If i ever talked to her again, do i be the bigger man and be corgual, or do i call her out and use every four letter word possible?  It sends me in a wirl every time this kinda bs happens and its my OWN fault for feeling this way but sometimes its hard to help it

Today is mine's birthday. I just had to explain to the founder of the meetup group my ex now runs why I couldn't rejoin the group.

And ya - whenever I slip at look at her picture or a comment she's left - for sure there are physical reactions.

My suggestion - don't plan for how you'll deal with future hypothetical scenarios. It gives too much energy to the pwBPD. It's mine's birthday and I am still feeling as much rage and hatred that I did when I kicked her out. It's not healthy nor productive though.

    Mste.

[ozzanoid24]

I have to post again as I made this same mistake but accidentally. I seenshe has a new picture on facebook in which I preceded to immedately click offline and get out...

here is the thing... .


since the break up, I dont know how to describe this, but when contact is made, my stomache knots up and my heart races, but I know this isnt a good sign... .its like my body is telling me I did something wrong?

I am still no contact.

I dont know how to react to any of this. If i ever talked to her again, do i be the bigger man and be corgual, or do i call her out and use every four letter word possible?  It sends me in a wirl every time this kinda bs happens and its my OWN fault for feeling this way but sometimes its hard to help it

Today is mine's birthday. I just had to explain to the founder of the meetup group my ex now runs why I couldn't rejoin the group.

And ya - whenever I slip at look at her picture or a comment she's left - for sure there are physical reactions.

My suggestion - don't plan for how you'll deal with future hypothetical scenarios. It gives too much energy to the pwBPD. It's mine's birthday and I am still feeling as much rage and hatred that I did when I kicked her out. It's not healthy nor productive though.

    Mste.

I dont know what stage i am at.but sometimes it makes me so mad to think about it it stops. I know that sounds wierd but its so stupid what they are and what they do and how they only care about themselves.

[clean slate]

I have to post again as I made this same mistake but accidentally. I seenshe has a new picture on facebook in which I preceded to immedately click offline and get out...

here is the thing... .


since the break up, I dont know how to describe this, but when contact is made, my stomache knots up and my heart races, but I know this isnt a good sign... .its like my body is telling me I did something wrong?

I am still no contact.

I dont know how to react to any of this. If i ever talked to her again, do i be the bigger man and be corgual, or do i call her out and use every four letter word possible?  It sends me in a wirl every time this kinda bs happens and its my OWN fault for feeling this way but sometimes its hard to help it

Sorry ozz, but you're not "no contact" if you continue to look at her facebook page.  NC is for you, remember?  You're not doing yourself any favors if you're causing your own stomach to knot up and your heart to race.  Is there a reason you have NOT blocked her from your facebook account, and deleted her from your friends?  Or, are you specifically searching for her (typing her name in to the search bar) and looking at her photo that way?  Regardless, you're doing this damage to yourself now.  Sounds like she's the one with no contact.  You're the one who continues to grieve and seek information about her.  It's hard... .I know it is.  I bet you can do it though.  I bet you can.  What do you think?

[ozzanoid24]

you are right, about that contact.  SHE HASNT BROKE IT, i incidentally do with pictures, music or whatever of her.

[ozzanoid24]

thank you's for the support.