Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
November 08, 2024, 06:58:20 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
PSYCHOLOGY: Help us build this database.
26
BPDFamily.com
>
Community Built Knowledge Base
>
Library: Psychology questions and answers
> Topic:
BEHAVIORS: Triangulation
Pages:
1
[
2
]
All
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: BEHAVIORS: Triangulation (Read 21417 times)
Stjarna
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 113
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #30 on:
February 26, 2014, 11:07:50 AM »
Thank you so much, Skip, for taking the time to post this useful information. I was a little confused as to what the term actually meant, and you have clarified it so nicely.
Logged
drxap
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 70
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #31 on:
February 26, 2014, 12:10:15 PM »
My exBPDgf had some very unhealthy triangulation patterns happening with her family while we were dating. It seemed like every time we were around her parents, one of them would get her alone and complain about how bad the other parents was. Both parents did this all the time and it drove me crazy! So inappropriate to bring the child in the middle of marital problems, because it makes the child feel at fault for problems out of their control.
Who would she have been without a f-ed up childhood?
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #32 on:
February 26, 2014, 12:55:51 PM »
Ok, so I am still kind of confused. In Year 1, my uBPDx contacted her Ex bf as an emotional fallback when we started having problems (the hurtful thing is that she shared with me these conversations... . even him saying he was better looking than me by looking at my MS profile picture). I considered that her first act of cheating "lite". Regardless of my lack of boundaries standing up for myself then, was that my Ex
triangulating
with her exbf?
Skip's "fallback" lover is an exact summary of what happened now at the end in Year 6.
Did I triangulate in a passive way with our children, telling her it wasn't ok to go out clubbing and dating so much with a baby and a toddler at home? Using the kids as an excuse (though they didn't know it, and hopefully never will) to not face our r/s issues: which by her definition boiled down to: "I'm unhappy, you need to do something about it!"
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Skip
Site Director
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7034
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #33 on:
February 26, 2014, 01:18:22 PM »
If you got drunk, ran a red light, hit a school bus and the burned out carcass of your car landed in a no parking zone would you describe this event as a parking violation?
Technically, parking violation might be part of it, but to describe the above in those terms doesn't provide clarity to the reader - it miscommunicates.
I would describe your first incident as inappropriate contact with the ex boyfriend. Was triangulation part of that - maybe, maybe not. She may have just been flirting and reconnecting and signaling her possible availability.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #34 on:
February 26, 2014, 01:45:10 PM »
Quote from: Skip on February 26, 2014, 01:18:22 PM
If you got drunk, ran a red light, hit a school bus and the burned out carcass of your car landed in a no parking zone would you describe this event as a parking violation?
Technically, parking violation might be part of it, but to describe the above in those terms doesn't provide clarity to the reader - it miscommunicates.
I would describe your first incident as inappropriate contact with the ex boyfriend. Was
triangulation
part of that - maybe, maybe not. She may have just been flirting and reconnecting and signaling her possible availability.
I get it. Call a spade a spade.
She was still madly in love with the first bf who cheated on, briefly recycled, and then left her, devastated. She was very honest with me about it in the beginning, which is why I took some responsibility for getting involved (though it was hard for me to deflect the BPD-like love attachment and desperation to have me around, even as a friend at first). Not until 2011 (Year 3), and the first kid, did I feel her completely detach from the Love of Her Life. I even found something she wrote to herself about it on our computer (with super idealization of me, joy at our family... . the replacements for her emptiness). Up to that point, she may have tried to get back with him if he had tried. I helped her move beyond him, in a way (and no, that wasn't my purpose, it drove me nuts from the beginning).
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12179
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: What does triangulation mean?
«
Reply #35 on:
June 27, 2014, 12:17:40 AM »
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. This example isn't specific for this board, but bear with me:
S4 told me tonight he didn't want to go back to Mommy's, that he wanted to stay with me. I asked him why and he said, "Mommy hit me." I asked why, and he replied, "because I was hitting D2." I see it as:
uBPDx=Persectutor ("Punitive" Parent in Transactional Analysis terminology)
S4=Victim (Child)
Me=Rescuer (Adult?)
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Pages:
1
[
2
]
All
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Community Built Knowledge Base
>
Library: Psychology questions and answers
> Topic:
BEHAVIORS: Triangulation
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Links and Information
CLINICAL INFORMATION
The Big Picture
5 Dimensions of Personality
BPD? How can I know?
Get Someone into Therapy
Treatment of BPD
Full Clinical Definition
Top 50 Questions
EDITORIAL DEPARTMENTS
My Child has BPD
My Parent/Sibling has BPD
My Significant Other has BPD
Recovering a Breakup
My Failing Romance
Endorsed Books
Archived Articles
RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
How to Stop Reacting
Ending Cycle of Conflict
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Values and Boundaries
On-Line CBT Program
>> More Tools
MESSAGEBOARD GENERAL
Membership Eligibility
Messageboard Guidelines
Directory
Suicidal Ideation
Domestic Violence
ABOUT US
Mission
Policy and Disclaimers
Professional Endorsements
Wikipedia
Facebook
BPDFamily.org
Your Account
Settings
Moderation Appeal
Become a Sponsor
Sponsorship Account
Loading...