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Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
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Author Topic: Wits end  (Read 667 times)
MonkeyGurly

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 44


« on: July 07, 2010, 02:28:49 PM »

I thought maybe I was getting lucky after my ex BPD stopped with text messages for a whole week.  The last one I had gotten last week was telling me I was the worst g/f he ever had.   

Have been dealing with my kid being hospitalized while visiting friends out of state, having to fly there to bring her back and now having to have her readmitted and them not knowing what is wrong with her.   

So... .now suddenly I am getting text messages asking how I am, yada yada and last night emails telling me ... oh yes he misses me... .and now trying with the text of can we be friends approach.

No I have not answered them ...   But got to say today, after little sleep and looking at his again changed wack profile on his dating site I feel like sending something telling him off.

Wrote it.   And no did not send it.   But, I am so pissed and upset today with him trying to enage me now, knowing he has been on line trolling, probably meet up with and didnt' like some of them and then hearing his bullhit_.   

:'(
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2010
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Posts: 808


« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2010, 05:45:46 PM »

He could be a Narcissist. He could be Borderline. The difference is that Narcissists fear that they dont exist and need constant proof of their existence. Borderlines exist, but in a state of fluctuating bondage.

Borderlines can be high or they can be very, very low, which translates into sadism or masochism. Placing a profile on a dating site is a narcissistic signal (think of it like casting a hook and line.) The narcissist gets a few bites here and there- but really doesn't want the fishing to ever end.  The Borderline, on the other hand, wants to catch a fish, but they have "markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self."

The Borderline has dualing mindsets of sadistic power highs and masochistic lows- and it's the lows that they feel when they dont attract as well as they think they could on the dating sites. That's when their self-defeating masochism occurs and they return to get a dose of shame from a former partner whom they can place in the hypercritical sadist position. Meanwhile, the partner (that's you) has no intention of being a sadist and tries to be a masochist instead (not willingly- but in an attempt for empathy concerning the sacrifices you've made) and the "affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood" switches in the BPD back to a powerful high sadist- mocking and deriding the Non. All of this behavior is a personality disorder that continues in an attempt to drown out the *real self* that's hidden underneath.

It is an attempt to hide the real self from hurt. The "transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms" are what keeps the BPD partner from ever really breaking through to allow Non's to be anything other than a stand-in for the hypercritical parent.
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NIO
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Posts: 536


« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2010, 06:33:00 PM »

The last one I had gotten last week was telling me I was the worst g/f he ever had.   

ask him if he is REALLY sure about that  Smiling (click to insert in post)   perhaps you could ask him to do a comparison survey between all the x`s ... .pointing out all their faults and yours , maybe mark HOW bad in % terms and such.

Hey, they fu*k with our minds enough, payback is a b*tch  Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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DAS
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Relationship status: Never married
Posts: 1868


« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2010, 09:29:30 AM »

The last one I had gotten last week was telling me I was the worst g/f he ever had.   

ask him if he is REALLY sure about that  Smiling (click to insert in post)   perhaps you could ask him to do a comparison survey between all the x`s ... .pointing out all their faults and yours , maybe mark HOW bad in % terms and such.

Hey, they fu*k with our minds enough, payback is a b*tch  Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)

Asking would mean reengaging. Reengaging = bad.

Much better is to assume everything that he says is 100% tempered by his current, completely irrational feelings. You are black ergo you are awful. Is it true? Of course not. No more than the "I love you"s while you were white. PwBPD don't really know how to love.
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