Understanding why they 'withdraw' and the perceived 'cruelty'

[Undertowed]

That is tragic.

[once removed]

oh sure. there's nothing you could share from a borderline that i wouldn't automatically know is full of holes of all sorts. yours sounds a lot like mine. some of them love to dish out jokes (teasing), and some of them can even take them, but you'll notice certain things that they're particularly sensitive about. i had two of them that were very sensitive if i teased them about music. this is probably because they knew me (im a musician, and music is obviously my greatest obsession) and felt a bit inferior as well as always trying to impress me. if they really knew me, they'd have known that wasn't necessary. mine had a lot of insight about herself as well. she was diagnosed bipolar. she'd use terms like "rapid cycling" and "manic episodes". saw a psychiatrist. knew she had issues, knew she had parental issues. there's even a particular conversation that we had that for some reason is a bit foggy in my mind, but she was telling me about someone she thought was either NPD or BPD. it seems to me that she said, in words i can't recall, something along the lines of it had been suggested that she was BPD, or that she had traits of BPD, or that she was "kind of BPD", something. i really can't recall. wish i could. she was always talking though about how much "better" she'd gotten, atleast when i'd break up with her, or complain about the state of the relationship.

anyway, i definitely understand the subtext. but if i were an outsider, i would probably read those words and say "what a reasonable, rational, well thought out person, who is articulate, and can clearly express herself and how she's feeling, and she doesn't sound unfair at all." it would probably be my first impression. she DOES sound that way. that's what's confounding. i know it's the opposite of every adjective i used.