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Author Topic: Just because they were CRAZY . . .  (Read 5424 times)
jhan6120
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« on: October 01, 2011, 08:23:30 AM »

We all have our intricate stories about our former S/O's. They did this, they did that; all the convoluted little staircases that lead to hell . . . we can compare stories till the cows come home, but here's a question:

How many people left their S/O's because they just didn't want to be with someone who is C  R  A  Z  Y? Did you have a moment when all the particulars vanished, and you realized you were in the company of Certifiably Nuts and it wasn't going to get any better?

For me, the Moment of Clarity was when my ex udBPDgf started a cursing argument with my brother at the hospital right after my mother got out of life-or-death pancreatic surgery. I found out after it happened when me and the ex met back up at my mother's house. She gave me her story, etc, etc, and I said, out loud, 'Who gets in a cursing argument with someone whose mother just out of life-or-death surgery?'

And then it hit me: A CRAZY PERSON does.

I threw her out of my mother's house, and literally THREW her stuff out after her. I've since blocked her calls, texts, and emails, and told her that if she comes near me or my family, I'll press stalking charges.
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Beach_Babe
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« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2011, 08:30:21 AM »

Hooray! Wish I had done that sooner.
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Munch
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« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2011, 09:25:57 AM »

That made me feel like cheering!  

How about this one:  My Dad was dying of pancreatic cancer last fall (in fact three days before he died).  We are picking up my brother at the airport and h is yelling at me because I didn't want D to come to the hospice.  She had seen him a few days before and the sight of her grandpa really shocked her.  I told her she needn't come, I did not want to upset her.  Anyways he is arguing with me all the way to airport and I am trying to explain that my intentions were in the right place, I didn't want D to be upset.  He threatened to leave me in the parking lot of the airport.  What a CRAZY b@$turd.  

I should have done what you did - thrown him and his stuff out the house right then and there.  No empathy whatsoever.  I think they feel upstaged by the whole thing. Sick and  Sickening.

Munchxo
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Finallyfree123
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« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2011, 10:06:40 AM »

We all have our intricate stories about our former S/O's. They did this, they did that; all the convoluted little staircases that lead to hell . . . we can compare stories till the cows come home, but here's a question:

How many people left their S/O's because they just didn't want to be with someone who is C  R  A  Z  Y? Did you have a moment when all the particulars vanished, and you realized you were in the company of Certifiably Nuts and it wasn't going to get any better?

For me, the Moment of Clarity was when my ex udBPDgf started a cursing argument with my brother at the hospital right after my mother got out of life-or-death pancreatic surgery. I found out after it happened when me and the ex met back up at my mother's house. She gave me her story, etc, etc, and I said, out loud, 'Who gets in a cursing argument with someone whose mother just out of life-or-death surgery?'

And then it hit me: A CRAZY PERSON does.

I threw her out of my mother's house, and literally THREW her stuff out after her. I've since blocked her calls, texts, and emails, and told her that if she comes near me or my family, I'll press stalking charges.

You are absolutely 100% right! My T once used the word NUTS to describe my ex! She said she never uses that word but in this case that's exactly what I was dealing with... .NUTS!

I pushed my ex to leave because of how out of control he was acting. I felt safer in letting him pull the plug on the r/s, even though after he did he said I ended it! Totally crazy.
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bdpkok

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« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2011, 10:35:13 AM »

I moved with her in the town some 50 km from my home. So it was summer and I was on vacation.All 14 days I had been with her (in her town) no seeing my friends and family for a long time (i realise it is my fault also, but it seems that she did not like my mother and my friends too). One day my mother called me to say where the hell am I, and why I do not come visit my parents?

So I tell me exBPDgf that I am going to visit my parents town to see they and to see my friends! She said ok!

So I am in my town after a long time (50km of distance), enjoing with my parents and friends. The next day I had plan to come back but in the evening I got this text:

"Why you when you are with your friends are capable to do anything and when you are with me you are doing nothing. Why you leave me? Explaine that!"

Me: Are You serious with that you wrote me?

Her: yes I am! I am serious!

Me: Ok, for one hour I am at the apartment and I will EXPLAIN TO YOU!

So I take in the car and drove to this city we re living and wait for her! I waited her for 3 ~ing hours to come but she didnt come. So I wrote an letter explain everything to her! I wrote a text that I will go back home and return for two day to give her a time to think about everything!

An hour later She calls me being verry upset because I didnt call her (I wrote a text message) and that she had to walk all tired because her work from her parents house to our apartment! (its some 500 meters of walk, cca 2 minutes!). So aftter all I gave to her, risked for her,... .she is now yelling on me because she had to walk 2 minutes? that was my decision moment after I realised that I must go because no matter I do it will never be enought for and I allways will be guilty for doing something and never be right"!

God bless that I found this board and You beautifull people because I started to loose myself and going nuts! I was in hell and come back!

After a while she text me two mesages to humiliyate me so I wrote to her one final text explaing all to her in a decent and mature way. I ended the message with AMENin the end!
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jhan6120
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« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2011, 11:45:56 AM »

Of course, all the 'Wow, this person is nuts' feelings I had during the ENTIRE relationship weren't enough to drive the point home. I needed something really severe to do that. Guess I have to take a look at myself, don't I?
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redberry
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« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2011, 11:53:32 AM »

I had a sense something was off the whole time, of course it got worse the deeper we got I to the r/s.  But I kept ignoring my gut.  I would make excuses in my head and made excuses to tell friends and family. I looked back over the texts after he suddenly broke up with me and it was chilling.  Clearly not from someone of sane mind or reasonable expectations.  Why didn't I dump him first?  Its clear he was crazy.  I think I had in my mind that a crazy/disordered person is the guy who talks to himself at the gas station or the one mumbling things at the psych ward.  Naieve of me for sure, but I didn't think I could end up in a relationship with a crazy person, but they do walk among us and can be well hidden!  Being cool (click to insert in post). Be careful out there.
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bdpkok

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« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2011, 12:10:33 PM »

I also realised from the beggining that something is wrong with my ex! There has been so many red flags I just jump over! I remeber that  verry often she would say that she "operate differently" than me! So for everything she done I would thought: "well, she said she operate differently... .we are not all the same and its so selfish from me to think she has to operate like me!" That was her "alibi" to do all she did and hide back from the reality... .Now I know that she "operate differently" because she has BPD and that I should listen my gut telling me that something just isnt right about her.

Today I am happy that I dumped her because I decided to listen my "gut feeling" which was the ultimate trigger of the return to myself.

I know that is not easy for You my friends but we must realise that all this toxic situations we witnessed are lessons for the bravest and that after all the struglle we must realise that we are trully becoming better people.

Stay strong!
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Willy
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« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2011, 12:32:55 PM »

My xBPDgf was the quite waif BPD, so it was hard to see the craziness from the start.

The first b/u was after she went AWOL with my car (I actually reported the car stolen). After a few days I saw the car again in front of her place and wanted to drive away with it. The car was a mess with her stuff. I put her stuff in a bag and put it in front of her door. Just when I wanted to drive away she came out. She lured me back in. The first time she did her puppy eyes act. She claimed to have forgotten my appointment, her mobile was broke and she tried to call me but got my voicemail. Passive aggresive behavior and hidden gaslighting. She didn't apologize either. I would have saved myself a lot of headaches if I would have just driven away that day.

Second time was when I was becoming a nervous rack. Sleep depravation and anxiety. I just said it doesn't work and I am breaking up.

After more b/u's, with the final one I snapped. Got everything of my chest and left. After that no recycling efforts from her side.
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jhan6120
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« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2011, 12:50:32 PM »

So it looks like a collective agreement about 'ignoring my gut.' I see it over and over and over again on this site.

I know MY baggage has a lot to do with ignoring my gut. Codependence, low self esteem. But it's also obvious that the PWBPD are really great at CONVINCING US to ignore our gut. After all, there has to be some kind of 'positive' there to hook us in, even if it's a false positive.

For my ex S/O, it was sex. She's a sexual predator. A real seductress. Ever at 42, she's Playboy hot. I was down and out when I met her, and she jumped all over that. She combined an 'I'll be your whore' game with Idealization. We had also known each other in college and had a momentary 'thing' there, so the usual 'interview' period was abbreviated. I was a good mark, and a willing participant. After about a month of it, I realized what was going on, but by then, I was hooked.
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cin
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« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2011, 01:04:55 PM »

I will skip the details that led to the breakup, but I had traded cars with the ex for HER sake ... .so she had been driving my car for months.  When it was over, I went to pick up my car, and she said I was doing it to be SPITEFUL!  LOL.  Come on!  Some people leave behind a pair of jeans, not a freaking CAR!  That was just more confirmation that she was nuts ... and felt entitled after it was over.
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bdpkok

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« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2011, 01:08:22 PM »

Jhan You did it :"She combined an 'I'll be your whore' game with Idealization."

The last days the only thing that get me in the realtionship was the crazy - amazing sex we had.

Thak God that I realised on time that no matter of the "porn sex" nothing can longer dig me in this toxic realtionship I was in.!
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jhan6120
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« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2011, 01:36:54 PM »

Jhan You did it :"She combined an 'I'll be your whore' game with Idealization."

The last days the only thing that get me in the realtionship was the crazy - amazing sex we had.

Thak God that I realised on time that no matter of the "porn sex" nothing can longer dig me in this toxic realtionship I was in.!

That's a Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  for me now; Porn Sex from the get-go. It usually takes 'normal' people some time to be that comfortable with each other. IMO, someone who's Porn Sex from the gate probably uses sex as a weapon, or uses sex to dissasociate. (or probably both). I've seen many similar comments on this site.

The Porn Sex was obviously not enough to keep me hooked in either. I hear that a lot as well.
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harlemgurl
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« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2011, 02:08:33 PM »

The Porn star sex was what got me and kept me. Sexual chemistry like no other. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

And yes. I knew that "certified" was "certified" pretty early on but I was at a low point in my life. My ten year marriage was on the skids and I had known my BPDex for 8 years as an acquaintance until he sank his fangs into me. On the exterior: super hot, super attractive and well endowed. 

Game over.

There are some people that don't like to engage in calling BPD's names but you know what? If the shoe fits... .

They are CRAZY. Cheating on a whim? Unbelievable entitlement? Lack of reciprocity? Gaslighting? Sick in the head and heart and missing a couple of french fries from their happy meal.

HG
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2010
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« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2011, 02:13:01 PM »

Excerpt
IMO, someone who's Porn Sex from the gate probably uses sex as a weapon, or uses sex to dissasociate. (or probably both). I've seen many similar comments on this site.

Yes, they use sex as a valuation tool in order to control your withdrawal. Unfortunately this Freudian "pleasure principle" (seeking pleasure and avoiding suffering (pain) in order to satisfy their biological and psychological needs) is a red flag for an extremely immature ego.  

If there is one thing that Freud got right about development, it was that this pleasure principle overtook the reality principle (choosing to defer gratification of a desire, especially when circumstances are right to defer it) in arrested development. Freud wrote that maturity is "learning to endure the pain of deferred gratification. An ego thus educated has become reasonable; it no longer lets itself be governed by the pleasure principle, but obeys the reality principle, even though it is pleasure postponed and diminished."

Freud's book "Beyond the Pleasure Principle," published in 1921, examines the role of the repetition compulsion caused by the pleasure principle and of the sexual instincts.  These are people without a way out of the eternal cycle of grasping at desire and not weighing the consequences. The repetition compulsion to do things over and over again the same way means that Borderlines will always use the tool of valuation that worked most effectively in the past.

A Borderline woman who is entering middle age and who has sexualized herself for valuation will likely become more dysregulated when her looks fail her and she cannot maintain her control of desired objects.  As you say, porn sex. But porn sex will attract many people only for a short while before the attachment begins. She'll then become the witch archetype and rage at those she perceives to be out of her control or becomes an eventual hermit when she cannot find new attachments and isolate herself.  All in all, a very unhappy reality principle although it appears on the surface that the pleasure principle wins.
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jhan6120
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« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2011, 02:22:00 PM »

Excerpt
IMO, someone who's Porn Sex from the gate probably uses sex as a weapon, or uses sex to dissasociate. (or probably both). I've seen many similar comments on this site.

Yes, they use sex as a valuation tool in order to control your withdrawal. Unfortunately this Freudian "pleasure principle" (seeking pleasure and avoiding suffering (pain) in order to satisfy their biological and psychological needs) is a red flag for an extremely immature ego.  

If there is one thing that Freud got right about development, it was that this pleasure principle overtook the reality principle (choosing to defer gratification of a desire, especially when circumstances are right to defer it) in arrested development. Freud wrote that maturity is "learning to endure the pain of deferred gratification. An ego thus educated has become reasonable; it no longer lets itself be governed by the pleasure principle, but obeys the reality principle, even though it is pleasure postponed and diminished."

Freud's book "Beyond the Pleasure Principle," published in 1921, examines the role of the repetition compulsion caused by the pleasure principle and of the sexual instincts.  These are people without a way out of the eternal cycle of grasping at desire and not weighing the consequences. The repetition compulsion to do things over and over again the same way means that Borderlines will always use the tool of valuation that worked most effectively in the past.

A Borderline woman who is entering middle age and who has sexualized herself for valuation will likely become more dysregulated when her looks fail her and she cannot maintain her control of desired objects.  As you say, porn sex. But porn sex will attract many people only for a short while before the attachment begins. She'll then become the witch archetype and rage at those she perceives to be out of her control or becomes an eventual hermit when she cannot find new attachments and isolate herself.  All in all, a very unhappy reality principle although it appears on the surface that the pleasure principle wins.

Damn. That last paragraph is scary.
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« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2011, 02:27:52 PM »

Don't feel sorry for her- or she'll morph into a waif and hook you again.  Idea

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OverandDone
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« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2011, 02:35:54 PM »

This thread is interesting to say the least.  I can't list the number of times I noticed something wasn't right.  Maybe her using the word "manic" to describe her reaction (ie - calling my harassing my coworkers of my whereabouts/driving to a family member's house/confronting them to see if I was there) to me disappearing for a few hours to calm down after one of her rage sessions.  Or it could have been the line of "I cheated on hit because he let me do what I wanted.  I need to be controlled every now and then."  Or it could have been her raging in my house while I was at work throwing things away and deleting pics of us from my computer.  Or it could have been when she physically attacked me because I didn't take her out to dinner.

Thankfully the last example was the final straw.  But as someone else alluded to... .why did I ignore all those other  |> before?  What does that say about me?

I will say that I gave her a pass on many situations because she also said something very similar to what BPDkok mentioned his ex did: "I'm more emotional and don't deal with my feelings as well as you."  Not trying to be sexist/prejudice, but I thought that was a woman/musician-artist thing.  So time and again I told myself that it was okay because I am more pragmatic/reasonable and she is more emotionally driven.  I didn't want to be a jerk and write off how she felt about things, so I dealt with the rages as they came.  It took me a long time to realize that her excuse was fallacious (esp. for the extreme reactions she had) and my subscription to the idea was very unreasonable.
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« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2011, 02:41:03 PM »

My xBPDgf was the quite waif BPD, so it was hard to see the craziness from the start.

My ex was the same as well. A few red flags went off for me as well in the beginning. How she worshiped me at the beginning (made me uncomfortable at times). Her wearing or sleeping in my clothes when I went away on trips or for work (I thought it was endearing... .little did I know). She admitted to me she had some OCD tendencies, it never really bothered me, but this is a woman who would rather stand and do dishes by hand at 11pm at night then just put them in the dishwasher because it does not clean as well as she does. It took me a while to figure out it was martyr behaviour on her part. She would count how many times she would roll on her deodorant so that both arm pits get the same equal amount. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) The volume in her car had to be an odd number. Just little weird thing like that. I thought they were kinda funny but never really thought too much about them. I wonder how much of it was OCD and how much of it was about control?

After a while I started to wonder what was wrong with her. They dynamics of our relationship was so ___ed. I knew there was something a little "off", I just could not put my finger on it. She was incredibly passive aggressive, but her behaviour did not start getting really messed up until we broke up for good and she started seeing my ex-friend. She became this vindictive nasty piece of work. Calling the police on false accusations and trying to have me arrested because she was "afraid" of me, leaving my house a disgusting mess after having let her dog piss all over the carpets and not bothering to clean it up. But the weirdest thing she did, which solidified for me the fact that she was looney tunes was after she moved out of my home and after my new roommate volunteered to be the go between for us and returning things that belonged to one another, she came by the house THREE times in a period of 3 weeks on a night when she knew I would not be home due to work, at midnight ( my roommate witnessed this) and dropped off stuff that I had given her that she no longer wanted then quickly took off. Who the hell does that especially when there is someone willing to pick stuff up and drop stuff off for you? Someone CRAZY does! I can't even imagine what the hell goes on in a mind like that. God... .scary.
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cyndiloowho
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« Reply #19 on: October 01, 2011, 02:44:06 PM »

Had to chime in one the porn sex... .I thought we had an adequate sex life, in general. I always desired more variety, but he was pretty competent with what he did do, I was satisfied. But I could never fathom the porn addiction. To desire non-human contact INSTEAD of an intimate partner seemed so insane to me!  ?

Now, I can see how internet porn is the best partner for my H! Anything his d#%k desires only a mouse click away, with absolutely nothing required on his part. Withdrawal? Absolutely! Isolation? Plenty! Dissociation? Im sure! But, its one of those moments I clearly remember thinking "he's nuts!" when he actually left me for porn! Moved out because I had kicked porn out of my home, so he moved out too. Spent a month isolating himself in his 30' camp trailer until he had whacked himself into impotency, then decided to move back home because he was "tired of being alone". I should have never let him  move back. Should have had the courage right then and there, when he moved out, to throw all his belongings after him, taken his key, and insisted he remove his name from the lease... .aww hindsight!
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« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2011, 02:47:57 PM »

Cyndiloowho, He sounds Schizoid.
Excerpt

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« Reply #21 on: October 01, 2011, 02:51:27 PM »

How many people left their S/O's because they just didn't want to be with someone who is C  R  A  Z  Y? Did you have a moment when all the particulars vanished, and you realized you were in the company of Certifiably Nuts and it wasn't going to get any better?

Yep.  All the "staircases to hell" (great visual) is exactly what I experienced.  Then... .the last straw happened. I had made so many excuses for his crappy behavior, and I glossed over all the serious infractions, but that last indicent could not be excused.  He left my home in handcuffs and then stalked me for years.  Who does that?  A crazy person... .and a crazy person who was capable of killing me.  NO THANKS!

And Cyndi -- I'm am so sorry for your pain.  The whole porn thing just disgusts me.  It's so base.  I'm so glad you're getting away from that jerk.


turtle

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« Reply #22 on: October 01, 2011, 03:00:04 PM »

Cyndiloowho, He sounds Schizoid.
Excerpt


Yes, I have seen the likelihood of that also. This part of your Link certainly describes him:

"According to Gunderson,[10] people with SPD “feel lost” without the people they are normally around because they need a sense of security and stability. However, when the patient’s personal space is violated, they feel suffocated and feel the need to free themselves and be independent. Those people who have SPD are happiest when they are in a relationship in which the partner places few emotional or intimate demands on them, as it is not people as such that they want to avoid, but both negative and positive emotions, emotional intimacy, and self disclosure.[11]This means that it is possible for schizoid individuals to form relationships with others based on intellectual, physical, familial, occupational, or recreational activities as long as these modes of relating do not require or force the need for emotional intimacy, which the individual will reject."
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jhan6120
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« Reply #23 on: October 01, 2011, 03:02:44 PM »

How many people left their S/O's because they just didn't want to be with someone who is C  R  A  Z  Y? Did you have a moment when all the particulars vanished, and you realized you were in the company of Certifiably Nuts and it wasn't going to get any better?

Yep.  All the "staircases to hell" (great visual) is exactly what I experienced.  Then... .the last straw happened. I had made so many excuses for his crappy behavior, and I glossed over all the serious infractions, but that last indicent could not be excused.  He left my home in handcuffs and then stalked me for years.  Who does that?  A crazy person... .and a crazy person who was capable of killing me.  NO THANKS!

And Cyndi -- I'm am so sorry for your pain.  The whole porn thing just disgusts me.  It's so base.  I'm so glad you're getting away from that jerk.


turtle

People who cheat and give their partners STD's are also capable of killing. That's what's even scarier.

It got to the point with the porn sex that I actually started to wonder if she had been IN porn. Or if she had worked as a hooker. I swear I almost asked her once -  not in a good way. I actually did find out that she ‘almost’ auditioned to be a stripper.

Who knows what  the hell her definition of ‘almost’ is . . .

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« Reply #24 on: October 01, 2011, 07:12:18 PM »

Very good read 2010 ... I found that the chemistry/sex was amazing with my husband probably what kept me hooked longer than it should have so I question on the theroy what happens to the men as they age and looks fade who use their powerful sex to gratify and satisfy both themselves and nons. Do they also become hermits if they are unable to "perform"as they used to or other health conditions happen earlier say a heart attack in their 40's or 50's that put a bit of a scare into ? Do they find "another hook",rage more often if with someone ,guilt,what if in between women?

IMO I could see a woman losing her looks to age and that theroy , although in a day and age of plastic surgey I am sure they may do as much as possible to keep or regain their youthful appearence to keep going as long as possible than to be alone in their "misery"?
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« Reply #25 on: October 01, 2011, 09:27:23 PM »



It got to the point with the porn sex that I actually started to wonder if she had been IN porn.

I had to laugh at this. I often "wondered" the same myself.

HG

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« Reply #26 on: October 01, 2011, 09:29:11 PM »

It's just, you know . . . the reality that most everything except the bad stuff that came from their end was a lie . . . it makes me feel kind of skanky.
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« Reply #27 on: October 01, 2011, 11:47:50 PM »

Good thread and thought I had to chime in since this was on my mind for years in the relationship since I saw it all. Saw the porn sex that drew me in and kept me hooked (she was a real looker as well). The Red flags I hurdled and ignored. Felt the craziness of the situations that seemed to be constantly out of control and embarrassing.

In the end I just said to myself as I watched exBPDgf scream at her innocent son out of nowhere... .no way, no more, this situation isn't changing no matter what superhuman effort I put in... .Basically I got she was crazy after 5yrs and that wasn't changing no matter how I felt about her and my goodwill nature. I gave more than I should have and got burned for it.

I turned her scream antics from her son to me... .gave it right back like to her and expressed how wrong I thought she was and picked up my weekend things and bee lined to the door. Of course she blocked me, pushed her aside told her son it wasn't his fault and left for good with my blackberry lighting up the whole 2hr way home with vile spewed garbage. I knew I finally listened to my gut. Had enough of BPD and being in love with a crazy person. Gave her every opportunity to fix it and offered to even pay for the therapy.

If I was that crazy I would have just checked myself in or definitely spent my time alone.

God bless you all in your recoveries or current situations

Canucky
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« Reply #28 on: October 02, 2011, 02:08:04 AM »

Mine was an ex-stripper (I never held it against her). I can completely see where she got her skills manipulating men. Her mother was a real seductress and she must have learnt it from a very young age. The stripping must have perfected her game. She was good, she was very good. I was THE prefect target and she was the prefect (how strange that may sound) waif/siren Borderline.
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« Reply #29 on: October 02, 2011, 04:18:32 AM »

How many people left their S/O's because they just didn't want to be with someone who is C  R  A  Z  Y? Did you have a moment when all the particulars vanished, and you realized you were in the company of Certifiably Nuts and it wasn't going to get any better?

What did it for me was reading He's Scared, She's Scared. That book scared me straight. It was all, hey remember this? And this? I know what you're thinking. Here it comes... .and this? Guess what, all these things? Are CRAZY! Say goodbye, because he's CRAZY! You're nuts too, but there's still hope for you but ONLY if you kick this lunatic out of your life!

The book doesn't actually say crazy but that's what I got out of it. I was just running through a pattern that's been played out countless times by countless people... .several of them with this particular guy. Ugh! That classic definition of insanity - doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result.
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« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2011, 06:57:17 AM »

Interesting stuff, using SEX as WEAPON!

There were situations that often after the fights she would come to me and without any word start "the sexual seductions" and I dig it!

So I remember one time (and many as well) after we had rageous fight, she come to me and we had sex. It was strange to me how somebody who was verry rageous and upset one minute ago, now want to be intimate with me!

After the sex (which was amazing) I asked her why she did that and her answer was:

"I dont wanna go sleep with that feeling (after the fight) between us!"

So as You all can see, this was a classical example of using sex as a weapon but I didnt understand that at a moment. I think she did, she knew what she was doing verry well! I was so blinded man, so blinded!

Thank God is over!
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« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2011, 07:23:35 AM »

Sex was definitely about control. I only now realize where her irritated response to me wanting to prospone sex came from. Very early on she indicated she wanted sex. I told her I wanted to wait a bit. Days/weeks after she was very irritated about it. I think its normal to talk about it after seeing/dating each other for weeks, but every time I brought it up the dragon eyes came. It was her way of control, and she couldn't use it in the beginning. Later on she did of course. When I tried to initiate sex afterwards she refused. She had to be in control and it had to be on her terms! Also later on it was her who prosponed sex of course.
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« Reply #32 on: October 02, 2011, 08:41:30 AM »

Sex was such a convulted thing for my ex. She used it as a weapon/control mechanism, and she also used it to treat her emotional dysregulation. Many times, she said to me, "Sex with you calms me down." The first few times she said it, it creeped me the hell out and I wanted to jump out the window and run. But after a while, I blocked it out.

Now I have to come to grips with the fact that I was able and willing to block it out. There were no victims in my game, only VOLUNTEERS. There was something about the person I was when I met her that I don't want to be anymore.
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« Reply #33 on: October 02, 2011, 12:41:02 PM »

Mine used it as a weapon too. He'd send me sex related text messages after a fight, he'd say he just needed to physically with me and then everything would be okay. That was the 'magic solution' to everything going wrong. A little time together in bed would 'fix' it - and for awhile, it would... .until it wasn't worth the trade off!

I literally used to think, "This is all we really have going on in this dysfunctional r/s?" Get out while you still can! So I did. Now I just push those 'magical solution' thoughts away so I don't get any stupid ideas to go back!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #34 on: October 02, 2011, 01:22:55 PM »

Things with him always seemed a little off. His favorite thing to say to me when I uncovered a lie or sexual misdeed was "some people just don't think like you do."  Meaning you should question my craziness. Just continue to let me get away with everything I do all in the name of CRAZY. It was like living in the mad hatters tea party. Fewer and fewer things made sense as the days went on.
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« Reply #35 on: October 02, 2011, 02:22:37 PM »

Things with him always seemed a little off. His favorite thing to say to me when I uncovered a lie or sexual misdeed was "some people just don't think like you do."  Meaning you should question my craziness. Just continue to let me get away with everything I do all in the name of CRAZY. It was like living in the mad hatters tea party. Fewer and fewer things made sense as the days went on.

Yeah, the creeping sense of 'That dog just don't hunt.'

I actually said that to my ex once and she had no idea what the saying meant. When I said it again, she said it annoyed her.
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« Reply #36 on: October 02, 2011, 05:50:17 PM »

Hooray! Wish I had done that sooner.

Me too.
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« Reply #37 on: October 02, 2011, 05:52:26 PM »

That made me feel like cheering!  

How about this one:  My Dad was dying of pancreatic cancer last fall (in fact three days before he died).  We are picking up my brother at the airport and h is yelling at me because I didn't want D to come to the hospice.  She had seen him a few days before and the sight of her grandpa really shocked her.  I told her she needn't come, I did not want to upset her.  Anyways he is arguing with me all the way to airport and I am trying to explain that my intentions were in the right place, I didn't want D to be upset.  He threatened to leave me in the parking lot of the airport.  What a CRAZY b@$turd.  

I should have done what you did - thrown him and his stuff out the house right then and there.  No empathy whatsoever.  I think they feel upstaged by the whole thing. Sick and  Sickening.

Munchxo

Can't wait until he treats a few other people that way.  People that he triangulated me with.  I would pay money to see the looks on their faces.
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« Reply #38 on: October 02, 2011, 05:56:05 PM »

I moved with her in the town some 50 km from my home. So it was summer and I was on vacation.All 14 days I had been with her (in her town) no seeing my friends and family for a long time (i realise it is my fault also, but it seems that she did not like my mother and my friends too). One day my mother called me to say where the hell am I, and why I do not come visit my parents?

So I tell me exBPDgf that I am going to visit my parents town to see they and to see my friends! She said ok!

So I am in my town after a long time (50km of distance), enjoing with my parents and friends. The next day I had plan to come back but in the evening I got this text:

"Why you when you are with your friends are capable to do anything and when you are with me you are doing nothing. Why you leave me? Explaine that!"

Me: Are You serious with that you wrote me?

Her: yes I am! I am serious!

Me: Ok, for one hour I am at the apartment and I will EXPLAIN TO YOU!

So I take in the car and drove to this city we re living and wait for her! I waited her for 3 ing hours to come but she didnt come. So I wrote an letter explain everything to her! I wrote a text that I will go back home and return for two day to give her a time to think about everything!

An hour later She calls me being verry upset because I didnt call her (I wrote a text message) and that she had to walk all tired because her work from her parents house to our apartment! (its some 500 meters of walk, cca 2 minutes!). So aftter all I gave to her, risked for her,... .she is now yelling on me because she had to walk 2 minutes? that was my decision moment after I realised that I must go because no matter I do it will never be enought for and I allways will be guilty for doing something and never be right"!

God bless that I found this board and You beautifull people because I started to loose myself and going nuts! I was in hell and come back!

After a while she text me two mesages to humiliyate me so I wrote to her one final text explaing all to her in a decent and mature way. I ended the message with AMENin the end!

She must have been bonkers.  I can't even follow this story.
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« Reply #39 on: October 02, 2011, 06:00:05 PM »

My xBPDgf was the quite waif BPD, so it was hard to see the craziness from the start.

The first b/u was after she went AWOL with my car (I actually reported the car stolen). After a few days I saw the car again in front of her place and wanted to drive away with it. The car was a mess with her stuff. I put her stuff in a bag and put it in front of her door. Just when I wanted to drive away she came out. She lured me back in. The first time she did her puppy eyes act. She claimed to have forgotten my appointment, her mobile was broke and she tried to call me but got my voicemail. Passive aggresive behavior and hidden gaslighting. She didn't apologize either. I would have saved myself a lot of headaches if I would have just driven away that day.

Second time was when I was becoming a nervous rack. Sleep depravation and anxiety. I just said it doesn't work and I am breaking up.

After more b/u's, with the final one I snapped. Got everything of my chest and left. After that no recycling efforts from her side.

Mine took my car once when I was napping on a Saturday afternoon and then would not answer his phone.  I left him a message stating the time and saying that if he was not back by a certain time, I would call the police and report it stolen.  No response.  Luckily my son was visiting and I borrowed his car (It's in my name but I still asked permission like a normal person) and when driving around and found him at the grocery store. 
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« Reply #40 on: October 02, 2011, 06:27:25 PM »

Sex is certainly a weapon - mine started to withdraw a lot.

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« Reply #41 on: October 02, 2011, 07:23:50 PM »

Just looking over the last two weeks... .

My H learns of my plans to leave and is (understandably) upset, and the following day tells me " I know I dont want a r/s with you, but I dont want anyone else to have you!"

The day before my planned trip to travel to the city I will be moving to, he decides I cannot use my truck as I had planned, tries to thwart my trip.

I rent a car and make my trip, and the next night, my H blows up my phone with repeated attempts to call me from noon till 4 in the morning. I had his # on 'silent' but I could tell by the pattern of calls that he was in and out of drunkenness. When he cant reach me, he calls our daughter and tells her he "just needs to know Im ok"

I get home from my trip and he is calm, nice to me, decides this is all for the best and just hopes we can be friends.

The next night, he gives me a written statement that he wants me to keep my truck, agrees to keep up the payments, in return wants me to pay the insurance, and not change my phone # for 1 year. Says he wants to do this because he "cares about me"

3 nights later (last night) comes into my room, climbs into bed with me, and tries repeatedly to get me to have sex with him.

Today he is locked in his room, getting drunk, masturbating to porn.

Did anyone say CrAzY?  
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« Reply #42 on: October 02, 2011, 10:49:58 PM »

Mine took my car (without permission) while I was sleeping and took my shoes and clothes and got in a police car chase. As I walked down the road to a friends place and saw about 10 speeding police cars with their cherries on somehow I just knew it was her as she was totally dysregulated. To add a little whip cream to the situation she did it on my birthday. In the end she refused to stop for poilce after going down a street the wrong way... .smashed my car into a bunch of police crusiers totaling it refusing to get out of the car and was dragged out. I spent the next hour with the police once they found me in the back of a cruiser trying to figure out if I should throw her in jail for destroying my car. In the end I said I lent it to her so she wouldn't get charged with car theft since she had enough charges against her.

It is funny since my friends tell me stories and I could always one up them on "oh ya well let me tell you my story" Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Luckily those days are far behind me since I was the one that had to pay the car off as she didn't have a valid license therefore no insurance coverage.

Canucky
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« Reply #43 on: October 02, 2011, 10:53:08 PM »

Cyn, omg! Thank god you are out of there soon. How do you even explain that to anyone (well except us because strangely we get it) xo
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« Reply #44 on: October 03, 2011, 06:02:07 AM »

Sex is certainly a weapon - mine started to withdraw a lot.

That's what mine did.
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« Reply #45 on: October 03, 2011, 06:44:19 AM »

Mine took my car (without permission) while I was sleeping and took my shoes and clothes and got in a police car chase. As I walked down the road to a friends place and saw about 10 speeding police cars with their cherries on somehow I just knew it was her as she was totally dysregulated. To add a little whip cream to the situation she did it on my birthday. In the end she refused to stop for poilce after going down a street the wrong way... .smashed my car into a bunch of police crusiers totaling it refusing to get out of the car and was dragged out. I spent the next hour with the police once they found me in the back of a cruiser trying to figure out if I should throw her in jail for destroying my car. In the end I said I lent it to her so she wouldn't get charged with car theft since she had enough charges against her.

Holy crap! They are masters at creating chaos!
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« Reply #46 on: October 03, 2011, 06:49:38 AM »

Mine took my car (without permission) while I was sleeping and took my shoes and clothes and got in a police car chase. As I walked down the road to a friends place and saw about 10 speeding police cars with their cherries on somehow I just knew it was her as she was totally dysregulated. To add a little whip cream to the situation she did it on my birthday. In the end she refused to stop for poilce after going down a street the wrong way... .smashed my car into a bunch of police crusiers totaling it refusing to get out of the car and was dragged out. I spent the next hour with the police once they found me in the back of a cruiser trying to figure out if I should throw her in jail for destroying my car. In the end I said I lent it to her so she wouldn't get charged with car theft since she had enough charges against her.

It is funny since my friends tell me stories and I could always one up them on "oh ya well let me tell you my story" Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Luckily those days are far behind me since I was the one that had to pay the car off as she didn't have a valid license therefore no insurance coverage.

Canucky

Wow!   Yeah I don't blame ya there, I'm the same way  when it comes to my ex XD, I got plenty of stories to tell about her as well as her mother *shakes head*  Are we sure these guys don't have demons inside them or something? Someone that knew the mother actually told me she saw a demon when the woman slept!



Sex is certainly a weapon - mine started to withdraw a lot.

That's what mine did.

Yep, I'm with you there. Just a tool to keep me there. I actually regret that she was the one that I gave myself to. Hate that to this day.
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« Reply #47 on: October 03, 2011, 06:51:36 AM »

Mine took my car (without permission) while I was sleeping and took my shoes and clothes and got in a police car chase. As I walked down the road to a friends place and saw about 10 speeding police cars with their cherries on somehow I just knew it was her as she was totally dysregulated. To add a little whip cream to the situation she did it on my birthday. In the end she refused to stop for poilce after going down a street the wrong way... .smashed my car into a bunch of police crusiers totaling it refusing to get out of the car and was dragged out. I spent the next hour with the police once they found me in the back of a cruiser trying to figure out if I should throw her in jail for destroying my car. In the end I said I lent it to her so she wouldn't get charged with car theft since she had enough charges against her.

Holy crap! They are masters at creating chaos!

Anything to keep the focus on them.
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« Reply #48 on: October 03, 2011, 07:10:58 AM »

Are we sure these guys don't have demons inside them or something?

The protector of the child can certainly be demon-like IMO.
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« Reply #49 on: October 03, 2011, 07:43:12 AM »

Are we sure these guys don't have demons inside them or something?

The protector of the child can certainly be demon-like IMO.

I suppose so, I will admit whenever my ex's mother slept, it was creepy as hell. 
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« Reply #50 on: October 10, 2011, 04:08:08 AM »

Mine took my car (without permission) while I was sleeping and took my shoes and clothes and got in a police car chase. As I walked down the road to a friends place and saw about 10 speeding police cars with their cherries on somehow I just knew it was her as she was totally dysregulated. To add a little whip cream to the situation she did it on my birthday. In the end she refused to stop for poilce after going down a street the wrong way... .smashed my car into a bunch of police crusiers totaling it refusing to get out of the car and was dragged out. I spent the next hour with the police once they found me in the back of a cruiser trying to figure out if I should throw her in jail for destroying my car. In the end I said I lent it to her so she wouldn't get charged with car theft since she had enough charges against her.

Luckily those days are far behind me since I was the one that had to pay the car off as she didn't have a valid license therefore no insurance coverage.

Wow, you knew her too? Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #51 on: October 10, 2011, 05:33:54 AM »

no. i knew she was crazy. and i'd seen it before. i just kept waiting for my straw to snap, and it never would. that's obviously part of what kept me stuck.

your story reminds me of one of the craziest episodes. i spent the day with her at the hospital while her grandpa was dying. she was a HUGE btch. i even knew crazy well enough to know that's more or less what it was, and try my damndest to just get by. then her grandpa died. her and i were on our way home. i don't even quite remember what the argument was over. it was something small and silly. like i was on my way to my house or something, and she was wanting to stop at her's. but she just became a bigger and bigger btch.

i couldn't take or stand the pressure of trying to keep my cool under this situation. i'd been here for this person, i was the closest person she had, i was behaving like a saint, and she's attacking me. i lost it. i think i might have been crying, i was hysterical. not sure how i continued to drive. but i was so overwhelmed with anxiety and stress from her that i started pulling out my own hair. trying to somehow communicate to her that you just dont DO THIS to a person.

when we got back to her apartment complex, she insisted on getting out (and walking the rest of the way, a couple of blocks.) she did. i was going to just leave. i stopped. politely asked her/advised her to get in. she said something else btchy, and i had it, and just took off. i desperately wanted to break up with her at the time, but could never have dumped that on her when she lost her grandpa. that would have made me similar to her.

i can laugh at this now, but pulling my own hair out is the craziest i've ever been.
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« Reply #52 on: October 10, 2011, 11:49:51 AM »

Things with him always seemed a little off. His favorite thing to say to me when I uncovered a lie or sexual misdeed was "some people just don't think like you do."  Meaning you should question my craziness. Just continue to let me get away with everything I do all in the name of CRAZY. It was like living in the mad hatters tea party. Fewer and fewer things made sense as the days went on.

Yeah, the creeping sense of 'That dog just don't hunt.'


Yep I was raised in the south and he hated when I would say things like that. I think its because they lack the depth to understand anything other than the very predictable behavior they display. They are really pathetic.

I actually said that to my ex once and she had no idea what the saying meant. When I said it again, she said it annoyed her.

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