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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: BPD (waif) - hating opposite sex  (Read 4614 times)
Willy
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« on: October 08, 2011, 03:38:02 PM »

I was triggered in another thread were it was mentioned that Borderline waif males have a tendency to hate women in general. My xBPDgf was also a waif and she signaled more than once that she hated men. A few times out of nowhere she said things like "men only want to see my vagina or tits". She also told me I am the only man who treated her with respect (besides possible idealization I think this might be true). Did anybody else have the idea that their ex (especially waifs) had a deep seated hatred against the opposite sex?

She never told me about any sexual abuse in her youth, although she had some strange remarks about her uncle and once said that she was always afraid her farther would rape her, but that it never happened. It also happened more than once when sitting in a restaurant that she would kind of panic, saying an uncle of her is also in the restaurant. Regarding this another question: does that indicate sexual abuse in her youth?
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2010
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« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2011, 03:57:00 PM »

Excerpt
does that indicate sexual abuse in her youth?

Not necessarily. What matters here are the distorted perceptions that cause them to cling to others for rescue. James Masterson determined in his research that sexual abuse recall for Borderline Waifs was over-reported due to the Borderline Waif's tendency to overvalue that testimony as a precursor to being valued in therapy.

In other words, Borderlines will give off signals of distrust of the outside world in order to tighten the attachment bond to their desired object. The object in Masterson's case was the therapist who took the childhood history into account for treatment. The more unsure the therapist was, the more the Borderline candied the hook concerning persecution from others. That way the therapist became controlled by the Borderline's distorted perceptions of others and factored into the rescuing.  The therapist had to be very careful not to counter-transfer their vulnerable narcissism back onto the relationship and confront the submissive behavior rather than enable it.

I would probably say it's safe to assume that Borderlines use these persecutorial clinging dependency behaviors as a working hypothesis on romantic partners as well, with much greater success.  Idea

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Sofie
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« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2011, 04:49:21 PM »

Did anybody else have the idea that their ex (especially waifs) had a deep seated hatred against the opposite sex?

My ex-BPD waif girlfriend didn't hate men, but she was dead scared of all men believing them all to be rapists and molesters in disguise. If a man was being nice to her (no matter whether it was, say, a professional situation or a man old enough to be her grandfather just being courteous towards her) she always thought he was just trying to cover up her wicked intentions with her. I really think she believed all men to be inherently evil. She had suffered extensive sexual child abuse by her father, and I think that this was the distorted lens through which she saw all men.
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ve01603
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« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2011, 06:25:46 PM »

I felt like mine hated women deep down.  He was a Narcissist and couldn't stop trying to get their attention, but I think that he really hated them.
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Clearmind
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« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2011, 09:01:34 PM »

Willy - I am not sure if its hate but it certainly is a distrust - and I would say with either gender

As for disliking women - my ex had a love/hate r/s with his primary care giver - momster. I signified momster on many occassions to him.

Also if you gorge on chickens you lose the taste/love for chicken. BPDs have had a smorgesboard of chicken.
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Fleabitten
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« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2011, 03:44:07 AM »

Yep, my (undiagnosed) BPD ex does not like women. Apart from his female friends. I pulled him up on this and he said that he respects them as friends but he wouldn't respect them in a relationship. He thinks all women are out to hurt men, take their money and con them into getting them pregnant. All women are the same. He has a promiscuous past and during out break up said that he doesn't believe in romantic love. The next day he would tell me how much he loves me and say that he wants to get married and have babies, can I please stop taking the pill. He thinks I'm out to get his money (he has none) and his flat (which is on a different continent entirely and worth about 1/4 of my flat).

He LOVED trying to make me jealous towards the end of our relationship, telling me how hot women find him, that they are all over him, its always the ones with boyfriends who are the easiest to get into bed etc. Unfortunately I have an unhealthy sexual obsession with him so I believe that this is true. I don't know. He was completely obsessed with me being unfaithful - because that's what women are like. (I never did, I never have. He, however, has of course cheated in previous relationships)

Basically he is a freaking nut job.
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shannon
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« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2011, 09:04:48 AM »

I believe my dBPDstbexh has a hate of women, in fact he told me so once.  I am also sure he is repulsed by their bodies and sex is something he does only for control.   That's why he had problems with sex, he couldnt lose control and why porn plays such a big part, its all about watching women being humiliated and degraded which of course, he loves.  No, without a doubt he hates women. 
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RCA212
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« Reply #7 on: October 10, 2011, 09:20:24 AM »

Mine absolutely hates women.  In fact, I don't believe "hate" is a strong enough word for how he feels about women.  All women.  And I'm the fool who is in a relationship with him... .
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Sofie
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« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2011, 09:26:04 AM »

Just curious... .those of you who are in relationships with BPD men who you say hate women. Do you think they have suffered sexual abuse, and, if so, by women/men?
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RCA212
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« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2011, 09:29:08 AM »

Just curious... .those of you who are in relationships with BPD men who you say hate women. Do you think they have suffered sexual abuse, and, if so, by women/men?

Yes, he did, by a woman.  I see where the hatred comes from, but it doesn't make it ok or any easier to be in a relationship with a man who constantly degrades women to the extreme, right to your face. 
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lifeline12
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« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2011, 10:03:53 AM »

 I questioned him on it really early on because of how he was starting to treat me and how he always seemed to be on the prowl for more women.If you respect and care for women(this is for the men also) you wouldn't treat them like meat.His best buddies are proud women haters I could never understand the attraction to these losers, that was until it all started to unravel and I was onto my waif, then i understood.

What it boils down to in MHO is he is dependent on us and resents us for that. kinda like he can't live with us he can't live without us
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lifeline12
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« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2011, 10:10:40 AM »

Just curious... .those of you who are in relationships with BPD men who you say hate women. Do you think they have suffered sexual abuse, and, if so, by women/men?

Yes he was twice, 2 different men, about 10 yrs apart. He also engaged in a one night stand  when he was 16 with some old guy that hit on him constantly.He said he did it to get beer and pot. He felt his parents were to blame but of late thinks that they were fooled too.
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ve01603
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« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2011, 11:48:03 AM »

Just curious... .those of you who are in relationships with BPD men who you say hate women. Do you think they have suffered sexual abuse, and, if so, by women/men?

I think yes but I am still sorting it out.  He said it was his gay friend that it happened to with the friend's own grandmother (sick) but it might have been him.
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ve01603
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« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2011, 11:49:28 AM »

I love all of you for posting all of this on here.  It's like reading my own thoughts.
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