Stepping back into the FOG

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex recently came back into my life about two months ago, during which time we started having sex, going on dates, and staying over at each others home at least once a week.

This might seem fine, however, she's involved with another guy who has NO idea about me. He think they're exclusive.

So basically, I've become her "secondary" and he remains her "primary": a case example of triangulation (read definition). When I'm being rational, my feeling is that I don't want this person in my life. But we do have fun and the sex is amazing. It's very good practice for me to set my boundaries, something that is new to me.

An example of her BPDness popping it's head in is I told her I was going to meet a friend for a drink and she asked who I was meeting. I told her that it wasn't any of her business and that I don't ask who she's meeting, etc. This triggered her, she threw a tantrum and stormed off. I later inquired whether I was missing something and why was she free to be with somebody and I can't go meet a "friend" for a drink. Her response: "the issue is that you know his name and I don't know hers!"  ?

Welcome To The FOG.  Hi!

[She_IsNuts]

My ex recently came back into my life about two months ago, during which time we started having sex, going on dates, and staying over at each others home at least once a week.

This might seem fine, however, she's involved with another guy who has NO idea about me. He think they're exclusive.

So basically, I've become her "secondary" and he remains her "primary": a case example of triangulation (read definition). When I'm being rational, my feeling is that I don't want this person in my life. But we do have fun and the sex is amazing. It's very good practice for me to set my boundaries, something that is new to me.

An example of her BPDness popping it's head in is I told her I was going to meet a friend for a drink and she asked who I was meeting. I told her that it wasn't any of her business and that I don't ask who she's meeting, etc. This triggered her, she threw a tantrum and stormed off. I later inquired whether I was missing something and why was she free to be with somebody and I can't go meet a "friend" for a drink. Her response: "the issue is that you know his name and I don't know hers!"  ?

Welcome To The FOG.  Hi!

[backontop]

WOW, She IS Nuts!   The sense of entitlement is astonishing, aint it!  I DO NOT discuss who, where, when or why with mine... .  he says he broke it off with his new host (that he left me for) but it's neither here nor there as far as I am concerned.  I'm NOT sleeping with him, and I have a new guy I am not to the exclusivity phase with yet, but he is aware that I have contact with my ex.  I believe in transparency, and WILL NOT get involved in a triangulation (read definition)- I DON'T want that drama in my life- I've already had enough for two lifetimes!   I hope this doesnt turn out poorly for you! 

[trellabor]

My ex recently came back into my life about two months ago, during which time we started having sex, going on dates, and staying over at each others home at least once a week.

This might seem fine, however, she's involved with another guy who has NO idea about me. He think they're exclusive.

So basically, I've become her "secondary" and he remains her "primary": a case example of triangulation (read definition). When I'm being rational, my feeling is that I don't want this person in my life. But we do have fun and the sex is amazing. It's very good practice for me to set my boundaries, something that is new to me.

An example of her BPDness popping it's head in is I told her I was going to meet a friend for a drink and she asked who I was meeting. I told her that it wasn't any of her business and that I don't ask who she's meeting, etc. This triggered her, she threw a tantrum and stormed off. I later inquired whether I was missing something and why was she free to be with somebody and I can't go meet a "friend" for a drink. Her response: "the issue is that you know his name and I don't know hers!"  ?

Welcome To The FOG.  Hi!

That's playing with fire IMO as well. They sleep around a lot, so continuing to do so invites the possibility of an STD coming your way and that is noo good. I think if that happened to me sometime, I'd have protected sex with her ONE time then drop her sorry ass on her head with a ':)on't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!' thrown in for good measure. I don't think i'd actually ever do that, but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Make sure you are taking care of YOU first my friend.

[She_IsNuts]

My ex recently came back into my life about two months ago, during which time we started having sex, going on dates, and staying over at each others home at least once a week.

This might seem fine, however, she's involved with another guy who has NO idea about me. He think they're exclusive.

So basically, I've become her "secondary" and he remains her "primary": a case example of triangulation (read definition). When I'm being rational, my feeling is that I don't want this person in my life. But we do have fun and the sex is amazing. It's very good practice for me to set my boundaries, something that is new to me.

An example of her BPDness popping it's head in is I told her I was going to meet a friend for a drink and she asked who I was meeting. I told her that it wasn't any of her business and that I don't ask who she's meeting, etc. This triggered her, she threw a tantrum and stormed off. I later inquired whether I was missing something and why was she free to be with somebody and I can't go meet a "friend" for a drink. Her response: "the issue is that you know his name and I don't know hers!"  ?

Welcome To The FOG.  Hi!

That's playing with fire IMO as well. They sleep around a lot, so continuing to do so invites the possibility of an STD coming your way and that is noo good. I think if that happened to me sometime, I'd have protected sex with her ONE time then drop her sorry ass on her head with a ':)on't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!' thrown in for good measure. I don't think i'd actually ever do that, but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Make sure you are taking care of YOU first my friend.

Trellabor! I hear you re: the STDs and I had the same thought you did! LOL. It's not funny actually and I know I need to end this ASAP.

I appreciate your feedback and reply.

[muddychicken]

you wrote a post on 11/22 in which you implored us guys to not think with our penises... .how's that going for you?

[captainkirkz]

you wrote a post on 11/22 in which you implored us guys to not think with our penises... .how's that going for you?

[She_IsNuts]

you wrote a post on 11/22 in which you implored us guys to not think with our penises... .how's that going for you?

Thank you for calling me out   To answer your question, obviously it's not going well for me at all!

Things are much easier said than done.

[muddychicken]

Just callin it like i see it!    

[Suzn]

you wrote a post on 11/22 in which you implored us guys to not think with our penises... .how's that going for you?

Thank you for calling me out   To answer your question, obviously it's not going well for me at all!

Things are much easier said than done.

Wonder how its going for the poor dude that thinks things are exclusive while everybody (you and her) knows its soo not. Man Ive been in his shoes and it sucked big time. Being made a fool of is about the worst thing ever.

[2010]

Cluster B personality disorders thrive in triangulation (read definition). Most of the time, the third party has no idea until they are used as a blame shifter. So, keeping that in mind, he doesn't know about you but you know about him- so in effect, you are the responsible party. The pivot point is a woman that (you claim) is "nuts."

While this black and white statement doesn't explain the reasons that you continue to see her- it may be useful to point out that if she is "nuts" then you are the guilty party for inserting yourself (no pun intended) between her and her new boyfriend. I'd suggest seeing a therapist to determine what the payoff is for you and why you aren't attracted to a single, unattached sane woman instead.