He called me to tell me he is not over me

[Confused69]

Hi Marcie,  ive been following your post and i just wanted to say great going for not responding and not falling back into the land of OZ.  I hope to one day be where you are. Im 10 day NC.  can you tell me when its started to get easier for you?  Im always sucked right back in as soon as I see her.  Thats why im trying to stay off her radar. Good luck to you.

[Marcie]

ED709 the first 3 months were the hardest, I was a walking zombie. The longer I stayed no contact the better I started to feel. The longest NC I went was 3 months and I would say that, is when I started to get real clarity. I am finally starting to feel like my old self again.

[Confused69]

    great to hear marcie.   Its good to hear a success story among all the sad ones.  I think if my ex would leave me alone for 3 months, i would get alot better alot sooner.  She seems to know when im starting to get over her because thats when she usually always pops back up.  Good luck to you . Hi!

[Sofie]

Especially when u said we were soul mates.

If anyone - ANYONE - no matter how sane they appear to be will ever utter the words "soul mate" to me again, I am going to split immediately, as I believe it is the favorite phrase in the BPD handbook. My crazy ex could have written that email word for word.

[JonnyJon42]

I forgot to mention that when he called on saturday he called to have an honest and open communication

I would love to hae that call from mine but its something they just really cant seem to do no matter how much it seems like they are finally being open and honest they are still hiding things so they are never honest. I would give anything for mine to be open and honest would be the best gift she ever could give but as i said she wont.

[StillInShock]

Especially when u said we were soul mates.

If anyone - ANYONE - no matter how sane they appear to be will ever utter the words "soul mate" to me again, I am going to split immediately, as I believe it is the favorite phrase in the BPD handbook. My crazy ex could have written that email word for word.

haha... .my ex-fiance used that word too... .now I'm paranoid if I ever hear it again... .as you said I will split in my thinking and paint that person black  

I read it, sigh, and gently line the cat box with the paper. Might as well make good use of the paper. 

you made me laugh... .just trying to imgine his reaction if he ever finds out 

[emmjay]

Total silence and ignoring him is the best way to communicate with him.

It says it ALL without saying a word.

MJ

[diotima]

It makes me want to    when they play the soul mate card.

Diotima

[eeyore]

I agree.  Soulmates means the relationship is happy, content, comfortable because of the shared love.  Chaos is not love nor is it a sign of being a soul mate.

[diotima]

All of us should count our BLESSINGS that we are no longer in these relationships. OMG, I thank everyone here who supported me, my T, my friends. OMG. I am not being trashed, criticized, gaslit, accused of fu**ing up "his" life. I am not responsible for his misery anymore. What a relief! It took time and there is still pain sometimes but I am so, so, so happy not to have that in my life. Mine has been emailing me too lately and what an emotional holocaust is avoided by not being with them. Stay strong.

Diotima

[Suzn]

Especially when u said we were soul mates.

If anyone - ANYONE - no matter how sane they appear to be will ever utter the words "soul mate" to me again, I am going to split immediately, as I believe it is the favorite phrase in the BPD handbook. My crazy ex could have written that email word for word.

dito

[Marcie]

All of us should count our BLESSINGS that we are no longer in these relationships. OMG, I thank everyone here who supported me, my T, my friends. OMG. I am not being trashed, criticized, gaslit, accused of fu**ing up "his" life. I am not responsible for his misery anymore. What a relief! It took time and there is still pain sometimes but I am so, so, so happy not to have that in my life. Mine has been emailing me too lately and what an emotional holocaust is avoided by not being with them. Stay strong.

Diotima

Aaah yes. You can say that again. It is so nice to be with someone who is normal. I have been with my new guy a few months and he hasn't made 1 negative "you" comment. Or blamed me once, or define me, or accuse me of things I am not doing.

[bpdlover]

Yes I totally agree. My partner is has never ripped into me over anything. We disagree on some things but there is always an environment of trust and mutual respect. Something the BPD ex may never experience which is kinda sad. Stay happy

[Marcie]

@2010 the appeal to my patholigical altruisim when he said

"he only good and interesting things I've ever done were with you"

didn't work but then I figured out how to block him from my buisness facebook and buisness line... .& I felt so bad! I started crying while at starbucks with my boyfriend after reading this e-mail


"I'm sorry. I wont leave any comments. Please don't take me off. I had paranoid thoughts when u put those pics of that wedding I shot with u. I feel u are still thinking about me. Positive happy thinking means I can do better. Can't promise I can change cause I'm so neurotic but I no I can do a lot better."

[C12P21]

Marcie,

I understand, I do. My ex used to say to me, "I'm kooky but you love me". I knew about his childhood, his life, etc. I understood the reasons behind the disorder and felt and still feel compassion toward him.

However, I cannot allow someone that would create so much emotional pain and strain back into my life. I cut him off social media too and it upset him. You know, I cried a river to do this, to let go, to cut off any connection, and to know eventually he would find out I had done this and become enraged or vengeful, or whatever... but knew it was best for me.

Making tough decisions are never easy.

Try to remember the disorder, push/pull... idealization, mirroring, the devaluation. Right now you are the recycled target of his fantasy world.

"I'm sorry. I wont leave any comments. Please don't take me off. I had paranoid thoughts when u put those pics of that wedding I shot with u. I feel u are still thinking about me. Positive happy thinking means I can do better. Can't promise I can change cause I'm so neurotic but I no I can do a lot better."

You have a tender heart, you feel compassion that can sometimes lead to Fear, Obligation, or Guilt. Try to understand that what you feel is not what he feels. It is all about HIM. He needs to leave you alone. He hurt you, discarded you, and now he is attempting to recycle you.

Sometimes the most loving act you can provide someone is to allow them to learn from their mistakes or behavior. Your loving gesture is to model healthy behaviors by setting boundaries and letting someone know, you are no longer allowed to hurt me and I cannot trust you, you are not allowed access to my world.

You model how to protect yourself from disordered people that are capable of hurting you. Turn that love back into you.

Take care,

C

[bpdlover]

C12P21 is on the money. The amount of times I have forgotten the disorder and evaluated the issues myself has gotten me into emotional hot water. After finding out my ex has an ad on a dating site, I initially felt no surprise but then I was sad. I have NC through any social media and threw out her contact details and numbers when she filed the RO. It is the most loving thing I can do for her. It doesn't stop my concern for her safety and health though considering she is also the Mother of my child.