"I think my T was seducing me... "

[G.J.]

Anyone heard THIS before?

My BPD-exbf was seeing a Psychologist for about 9 months.  Pretty lady, about his age.  Very very nice.  Usually deals with kids and families.

After 3 months of seeing her, he came home one day saying that she didn't think he needed help anymore.  I was incredulous and asked if he had told her about his most recent "episode" when he threw my suitcase across the bedroom and blocked me from leaving the house?  He said no.  I went with him to the next appt.  Turns out, he had been omitting a LOT of things.

He said he didn't feel comfortable telling her everything because he felt judged.  (I felt that way from her a little too, honestly.)  I suggested he change T's.  He said no, because he enjoyed seeing her and promised to be more open and honest in the future.

I noticed that my BPD-exbf seemed REALLY concerned about what she thought about him.  He'd say, "I made her laugh today!  She liked my shirt!"  It was kinda strange, and after awhile, it started making me really uncomfortable.  I also noticed, he wasn't making any progress.

During one especially scary episode, I called her concerned.  Ended up filling her in on more stuff she didn't know.  I also mentioned to her that it seemed like he had a bit of a crush on her, and maybe it would be more beneficial if he saw a male T.

He continued to see her.  Nothing changed.  Eventually he got diagnosed with BPD by his male Psychiatrist, and found a DBT Therapist.  DBT-T said he had to end therapy with the Psychologist.  He was in tears, but did it.  That was a month ago.


Last night, he told me that he felt like the Psychologist had been seducing him, and especially in the last few months.  According to him, they would go out for coffee (at her suggestion -- he doesn't drink coffee) instead of staying in her office.  One time they went out and got apple pie.  She told him all about her kids, showed him pictures, talked about her tennis playing, etc etc.  And that one time she was wearing a short skirt, uncrossed her legs and sat very unladylike across from him and he had to look at her red panties the whole session.

He said it stopped being "therapy" a long time ago, and that mostly they would just hang out and talk -- and that he felt like she was seducing him.

Mind you, this woman diagnosed him with Bipolar II about 6 months ago, and AGAIN the week before he stopped seeing her.  So it's not like she didn't know he had a major problem.  Is this a figment of his imagination?  Some of the personal stuff he told me about her I know is true, because she is a friend-of-a-friend of mine.  So it's not ALL fiction... .

HAS ANYONE HEARD THAT BEFORE?  What in the world?

[beyondbelief]

Anything is possible.  However it is probably more likely his perceptions than T's intent. 

It doesn't seem he was too concerned while it was supposedly happening.  I would also think that if she were trying to seduce him, then either something would have happened or she would have gotten tired of her advances being rejected and given up before too long.  In any event she diagnosed him and he stuck around for all the "improper" behavior.

She has kids and plays tennis?  A T my X saw and later dragged me into has twins, collects crosses, was a high school cheerleader, had her own issues with depression years ago and her husband is an IT geek.  She never tried to seduce me but we did sometimes have off topic chats either as small talk or she was trying to relate things going on in my life to things from hers.

[Easydoesitnow]

Anything is possible.  However it is probably more likely his perceptions than T's intent. 

It doesn't seem he was too concerned while it was supposedly happening.  I would also think that if she were trying to seduce him, then either something would have happened or she would have gotten tired of her advances being rejected and given up before too long.  In any event she diagnosed him and he stuck around for all the "improper" behavior.

She has kids and plays tennis?  A T my X saw and later dragged me into has twins, collects crosses, was a high school cheerleader, had her own issues with depression years ago and her husband is an IT geek.  She never tried to seduce me but we did sometimes have off topic chats either as small talk or she was trying to relate things going on in my life to things from hers.

I agree re off topic chats.

And from my observation when someone is manic they think EVERYONE is trying to seduce them... .

I once saw a story from a lady on a bipolar board who said her manic husband said some of the hospital staff were tying to harvest his good quality sperm.  He identified the staff concerned.  They were the cleaners responsible for changing his bed... .

[2010]

G.J. why do you believe anything this Man says to you concerning his therapy? This is clearly triangulation (read definition) formation and much of it is said to get a response from you. In other words, a hook.

[G.J.]

Thanks for the head-check on the off-topic chats.  I've been in therapy before and that usually didn't happen.  I'd pick up on a few things, as she'd use examples that sometimes had a bit to do with her own experience.  But I certainly wasn't looking at pictures of her kids, etc.  But what you're saying makes sense.

Considering that she diagnosed him with Bipolar II, perhaps that is what was going on.  He was manic and thought he was being seduced.

G.J. why do you believe anything this Man says to you concerning his therapy? This is clearly triangulation (read definition) formation and much of it is said to get a response from you. In other words, a hook.

I'll have to look up triangulation (read definition) formation.  I'm not familiar with that.

I'm not sure what the hook would have been... .  It only came up because he was saying he is going to get his kids into therapy on their own, and because he's not seeing her anymore, he thought maybe they could.  (We live in a rural area and good T's are very hard to get in with.)  That's when he mentioned his perception of what was going on when he was seeing her.  I simply said maybe he should find a different T for his kids to see.

I'm not saying I believe it.  I've just never heard of such a thing and it shocks me he would think that!  I didn't realize that many T's share more personal stuff (because mine didn't) so I worried that that might have given credence to his story.

The Bipolar explanation actually makes a lot of sense.  I had no idea. 

[Sofie]

Hmmm, I always thought there was something dodgy in the relationship between my ex and her therapists. While we were together she had three different Ts and she played them all like a fiddle.

It seemed to me that she did not seek a sexual relation with her therapists, but that she sought a maternal figure - she always sought out female therapists a good deal older than her, who she then sought to bond with on a private level. She would send them emails privately, ask to visit them privately, ask for hugs and hand-holding and really try to get to know them on a personal level. I remember her coming home beaming once from a therapy session, because she had been introduced to one of the T's kids on her way out of the office.

Even after the professional relation ended between my ex and her Ts, BPDex would always pursue a degree of continued "friendship" with them - with some of them she succeeded for a while, but at one point or other she always stopped being in touch with them. My ex always told me that she did not feel like contacting the particular T anymore, yet I suspect that the reality was more sinister in that I think the ex-Ts, who might initially have just tried to be friendly with her, felt smothered or scared by her and backed out of the relationship.

[Time4change]

GJ

Im betting he is making it all up or at least twisting it to suit himself as a tool to manipulate you.  He may well actually believe it, who knows what is in his head.  the kid thing...   Well thats a ploy too.  Maybe a way to bring up the subject and get you discussing it.

Unfortunately this sounds all too familiar to me.  Im suspicious that he is using it to justify not going to therapy or not fully participating in it. Something like that ... .  and by telling you she is tryimg to seduce him automatically gets your understanding.  the kids thing doesnt make any sense at all, if she was like that why would he send his kids there? Nah its just all wrong. He seems to be baiting you.

I can definitely see my ex coming up with something exactly like this. It works two ways. Stops him having to go to therapy and gets you feeling compassion towards him... .  And what a guy... .  Even trying to get his kids into therapy... .    The perfect play.