Poll: For Parents of adult children 19-25 suffering from BPD

[lbjnltx]

Dear parent,

Sometimes it's hard to keep up with who is who on our boards. The names are familiar, but the details get hazy. It has been suggested that if we could find a way of briefly describing our concerns and present that information visually in some way, then it may give us a better perspective of who is who on our boards. This is a simple trial run to see if it works.

There have been recent posts regarding concerns with therapy and therapists, so we tailored our questions to that topic.

The information we gather here may then be of use to others. It may be appropriate for advocates of parents with children with BPD to use, it may be of interest to the therapeutic community to see some numbers. The data we gather may be limited, but it may have the potential to be a powerful source of information.

Finally any newbies to the site can come here to see a brief account of who we are and some issues surrounding our children. It would be comforting to know that there are others in a similar situation, instead of blindly jumping in the way we have all done.

Try to fill it out and let us know what you think.  Tic the box only if the answer is "yes".

Post any extenuating circumstances or additional information that you believe would be pertinent for interpreting the poll results.

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behavior, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

4. Is your child in therapy?

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ontherox]

As you know there are cyclical behaviors that come and go also.

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study? Our dd19 has had at least 10 jobs this year.  Getting the jobs is easy for her, holding on to them, not so much.  Though her employers almost always think she’s great, but they can’t handle her unreliability. One employer: “She’s the most wonderful girl I’ve ever had to fire.” She’s not consistent enough for school.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risky behavior, such as drug/alcohol abuse? Yes to all except the threatening suicide.  She has faked it and almost done it accidentally, but she’s never threatened it explicitly.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart from BPD? Yes, bipolar, ADD, and anxiety.

4. Is your child in therapy? Yes, but it’s been off and on.  She is seeing a T once a week now and should be starting a DBT group session soon.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?  When she was in an institution (2 months) she was making progress, she had a great T and the program was focused, but she talked her way out of that.  It seems to help if she sticks with it.  That comes and goes though.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD? Yes, at 17.  Her T was very reluctant to diagnose it until she was at least 18.  Also the T said the drug use was a confounding factor; many of the same traits between a drug addict and a person with BPD.  However, we know she had the BPD symptoms before she really got into drugs.  dd has used this as an excuse for not doing therapy. “I just have to get clean and I will be OK.” She’s trying to get clean now (again) so we’ll see.

[Vivgood]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

Yes, she is a FT vet tech at a veterinary hospital (she calls herself a "dog nurse"

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

she is impulsive with money and has had issues with drug use.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

maybe.

4. Is your child in therapy?

she takes meds, no counseling currently

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

yes, her meds help a great deal

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

she has "traits" but is officially dx'ed with depression and anxiety (for insurance purposes-its just easier)

vivgood

[Being Mindful]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study? At age 20 she has her first job, extremely part time and it is overwhelming to her. She is giving us clues that she is about to be fired. She barely graduated from h.s., tried a community college twice and failed both times.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse? Self harm on and off, mostly suicide ideation, huge risk taker, and both drug and alcohol abuse.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD? Yes, chronic pervasive depression, anxiety disorder, ADD, dsythymia.

4. Is your child in therapy? Has had extensive therapy including outpatient, inpatient (hospital setting), 14 months RTC followed by 7 months in a therapeutic foster care home. Plus a year of individual DBT with a parent/adoles. skills group for 5 months.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy? Never really has.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD? traits since age 12, diagnosed at age 18.

[Lolo]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

My BPD d20 gets work, but the addiction makes her unreliable.  But her employers love her.  The last person that hire her said she was like a "bright shiny penny".  She does much better with physical work outdoors, especially with horses.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

She has 7 tattoos and piercings.  She is a reckless driver and recently in rehab burned her arm with a lighter.  She was in rehab for a heroin addiction.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

Anxiety and PTSD.

4. Is your child in therapy?

She is living in a sober house and it is mandatory.  I'm not sure she would on her own.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

Too soon to know.  She was relieved to have a diagnosis and feels optimistic and confident to know BPD is treatable.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

When she was 17 in the hospital, but only "possible".  They were hesitant to be definite.  Now she has been.

[grandmaj]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

She has a part time job. During her orientation shen and another person was in the room where prescription pain meds were stolen. She has stolen my prescription meds twice... .that i know of.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

She has threatened suicide for the last 8 years. She would bang her head against walls and stair banisters. She has a fondness for prescription meds and over the counter cold meds.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

She has terrible anxiety. Also, she eats an awful lot!

4. Is your child in therapy?

She has on and off for the last 8 years. As a minor I was involved and would either be told or get the impression that I was the blame for her behavior. I would ask her what the hell are you telling them!

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

I don't know. She is 21 now. I can't just call up and see if she is going anymore now that she is an adult.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

One counsellor wouldn't diagnose her with it when she was 15~16 but told us to check out a Borderline Personality Disorder website. Then a couple years ago she hooked up with her biological dad and she told me that he has since been diagnosed borderline and bi-polar. (there was a lot of drama when she hooked up with him and that family!)

[Thursday]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

At present, no, she is not gainfully employed. She got fired this week after two no call no show incedents.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse? Just this week after believing she quit cutting five or six years ago, SD announced that she is back to cutting behavior. She has also admitted that she thinks about killing herself. She is currently sober, about a year and a half of sobriety.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD? Yes, she has OCD. Diagnosed earlier in her life with ODD (no longer) ADHD (never thought this was accurate) and she is currently depressed.

4. Is your child in therapy? She has just started going to see her therapist again. To get help with coping with how out of sorts she is with losing her job.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy? She claims she feels better after talking to her therapist. Hate to say this but I think her therapist has evolved into being a cheering section for her.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD? Yes, the same therapist she is now seeing gave me a diagnoses of BPD when she was 15. When she was 17 he acted surprised that we (her Dad and Me) had ever heard this diagnoses. He forgot he was the one who made it. I don't have a clue why this happened but will say that she was really in a bad way when we started seeing him for family therapy, when he gave us the BPD dx. She improved in her communication skills greatly by the time he started seeing her for individual therapy a few years after we quit him for family therapy (insurance issues, we save insurance monies for her to have individualy sessions with another therapist who did DBT with her. This therpist fired her as a patient about six months into their therapy sessions. No reason why, just called and left a message on maching that she felt she couldn't help her but no recommendations for anything else or anyone else. This therapist never returned any of my numerous phone calls so we asked our former family therapist if he could take her and she has been with him since she was 16.

thursday

[pattyt]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

Yes, employed at one part-time job in office which she's had for several years.  Second part-time job in fast food where she's been mistreated and will soon leave. 

Did attend community college but stopped one class short of getting degree.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

Not self-harming.  Doesn't abuse drugs, drink or smoke.  Bad with money management.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart from BPD?

Don't know what she has, for sure.

4. Is your child in therapy?

Has recently realized she needs help and is finally willing to try.  Says she is depressed, maybe PTSD.  She has an appointment with therapist tomorrow.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

We'll see.  Wish us luck!

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

No, but she has some of the traits.

[luvdachshunds]

1. gainfully employed?

        My BPDdd21 completed 2 full-time semesters of community college and one part-time semester. She is now taking 3 college courses and works 2 different jobs (each 1-2 shifts/week).She really can't handle a typical credit load for school anymore and just today was saying that she thinks she should drop out of school. She only needs 9 more classes for her degree.

2.Self-harm or risky behavior?

         No and no substance abuse.She did have VERY poor judgment in picking friends--they exploited her and stole her debit card and all her cash THREE different times. They also ruined her car and contributed to her being fired from her full-time job, and evicted from her apartment. DH and I intervened and moved her back home to get some mental health help. She is making better choices now.

3.Mental health issues?

          None, the Pdoc says she doesn't have any specific mental health issues, though I see my dd as having an anxiety disorder, specifically social anxiety.  My dd is adopted and I strongly believe that her birth mother drank alcohol while pregnant.  My dd TOTALLY fits the profile of a young person with FASD, normal IQ but much lower "functional IQ."

4.Therapy?

           Yes, dd currently sees a PsyD.  In the past she saw a LPC and LCSW, but never really benefitted in any way from therapy.

5.Responding to Therapy?

            At first my dd complained about seeing the PsyD, but now likes her and they come up with solutions for current issues that dd is willing to implement.  The PsyD is not using DBT as far as I know. The BIGGEST help came from finally finding a med (low dose Abilify) to decrease her agitation and chronic irritability.

6.Diagnosed?

             Yes, her current Pdoc diagnosed her... .I did not pursue a diagnosis of FASD, though I am quite sure that's happening... .many of the traits overlap.

[js friend]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

DD claims that she is going to college but I couldnt swear to it as she no longer lives at home. I Never see her with any homework either. She will either say she doesnt have any homework or she doesnt do homework at the weekends. This is her 2nd time attending college. Last year attended college for abt 6wks before dropping out. Also had a job last year that lasted 4 weeks before being sacked for being unco-operative.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

Self harms with hypersexuality. She is now currently pregnant which has definatley slowed her down in  that department. Doesnt threaten suicide or have any major addictions. 


3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

I would say so.



4. Is your child in therapy?

No. Wont even consider it.


5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

DD hated therapy unless it was to talk aboutand how I was too controlling. T agree with her and said all dd was trying to do  assert her independence!.


6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

dd was dx bipolar and emerging PD (2011)

[EmmaB]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study? She enrolled in cosmetology school in August and has already missed quite a few days.  It has been two weeks since she has gone. She called her instructor and because she didn't call in last week she is suspended for 4 days. She can return Wednesday of next week, that is if she can pull herself up out of the funk she has been in. This is her mandatory school years all over again.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse? DD19 started cutting at the age of 13. She quit for a while but this past April it has started up again but not often. She has been hospitalized 2x's for suicidal intention.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD? She has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and bi-polar II

4. Is your child in therapy? We just recently found a DBT therapist locally. She has only met with this therapist twice so far. Prior to that she has seen three counselors since the age of 9.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy? Not really. Of course with DBT it's too early to tell. My concern with DBT is that she will not do the "homework"

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD? Yes and I wish I would have known about it a lot sooner

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pattyt]

4. Is your child in therapy?

Has recently realized she needs help and is finally willing to try.  Says she is depressed, maybe PTSD.  She has an appointment with therapist tomorrow.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

We'll see.  Wish us luck!

Update:  Well, bf called this morning... .dd freaked out on him and refused to keep her therapy appointment.  Accused him of involving me and her dad too much.  Accused him of of wanting to have her committed (?). 

His mistake was that he shared too much of his hopes with her that we could all work together to help her.  Too much expectation to load on her and he crossed her boundaries (which are ever shifting) of how she excludes her dad and me from her goings-on.

She locked bf out of the apartment and raged at him through the door.  He's rattled. 

Me and dh kept the appointment and talked to the therapist.  Got some ideas on how to proceed.  I will write her a letter, tell her we love her and will always be available to support her, but that the ball is in her court (where it has to be) and we will wait for her to tell us what she wants to do.

[vivekananda]

That's sad pattyt, I hope the letter helps. I am pleased for you that you and your dh are working together on this.

good luck,

Vivek  

[vivekananda]

There are 17 in this group so far. That's a big group of us.

These years are the challenge in that our children are now legally adults, but we still fell the strong sense of responsibility for them. Parents in this group have been struggling for years with BPD.

It is good to see that about half in the group are gainfully employed or at school. That is a powerful positive.

Vivek  

[frustratedmom]

Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

No. Never been employed. Did very well with volunteer work. Showed up on time, did excellent work, always cheerful and pleasant. Asked her back, but no. Dropped out of high school with only 6 credits to go... .4 if in any other school. Very socially anxious but does not express it verbally... .runs away, self harms. Cannot deal with expectations.

Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behaviour, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

Yes, addicted to weed for pain... .emtional and physical.

Used sex to find attention, excitement, and entertainment. Now is pregnant and stuck with disgusting bf she does not like, but they are mutually dependent.

Cut as recently as six months ago, and others have cut her, as well as tattooed and pierced her. Has deep scars on arms and thighs. Says she'll never wear a bathing suit again, because the words "take it" were carved into her upper thigh and are disfiguring.

Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

Probably... .was diagnosed before with major depression, anxiety, and defiant disorder.

Is your child in therapy?

No longer.

Is your child responding positively to therapy?

We thought she did, but it was all an act to get through it until she turned 18.

Is your child diagnosed w/BPD?

Yes, but her therapist never had a chance to say it to her face. One would think that all the time we spent talking about BPD traits in DBT would have been a clue?

She thinks she's normal.

We think she now misses "family" , but cannot leave the weed or the "caregiver" bf who does nothing all day. She is stuck.

FM

[meantcorn34]

1. My DSBPD22 is on disability. He had a summer job when he was 16. Vocational Rehabilitation tried to help him find work to no avail.

2. He cuts, burns himself with cigarettes, has unprotected sex with multiple partners, occasionally drinks blood, engages in "witchcraft" (according to him), smokes pot regularly, drinks regularly until drunk and vomiting, rarely threatens suicide anymore (improvement yay!).

3. Probably. Has had numerous diagnoses since age 5, including ADHD, ODD, bipolar, intermittent explosive disorder, others I can't think of right now.T4. Not in therapy at present. Was referred to Princeton House for dbt by her previous therapist, but refused to go. Needs therapy for transitioning, so on wait list to see previous therapist.

4. Says meds and t are poison from the government.

5. Yes, he is officially diagnosed with BPD.

[Kate4queen]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

I think he is. He hasn't told me so directly but for a while I saw some regular checks going into his bank account and he alluded to having 2 jobs when he wrote to his younger sister. He's stopped asking for money so I assume he is doing okay. He is incredibly smart and a survivor.

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behavior, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

He used to, drugs, pain killer addiction, cutting but as far as I know he isn't doing any of those things at the moment, but I haven't seen him in person for almost 2 years so I could be wrong.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

He has a physical disability, cerebral palsy and I suspect he might be bipolar and ADD.

4. Is your child in therapy?

Not as far as I know. He insists that we are the ones who have the problems.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

He probably wouldn't.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?

I'm not sure as in CA no one would share anything about your child. He was diagnosed by my therapist very quickly so I suspect his last therapist who he suddenly abandoned might have brought up the topic.

[easternmom]

1. Is your child gainfully employed or in full time study?

Full time study and about to take a gap year

2. Does your child self harm, threaten suicide or is s/he otherwise engaged in at risk behavior, such as drug/alcohol abuse?

She currently has eating issues, is no longer menstruating, but it convinced she does not have a problem. She has mentioned a few times in the past that she would rather be dead, but that passed quickly and was in a moment of great distress.

3. Does your child have other mental health problems apart form BPD?

Not that I am aware of.

4. Is your child in therapy?

She has seen a counsellor a few times, but no consistent therapy, and not geared towards BPD.

5. Is your child responding positively to therapy?

She says it doesn't help her, but the past few months have been quite peaceful. She seems to be more reflective. She does not acknowledge she has any mental health problem.

6. Has your child been diagnosed with BPD?