Did you get your stuff back?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Kind of a comical topic.

Im not sure if this is common among them, but im almost forced to contact her about a dvd from netflix she has im getting charged $25/month for.

Then i remembered, last time i tried picking up something of mine, i was met with more NC.

The time before that (like our 4-5 breakup ), she told me to come over. I replied with "sure ill be over, to pick up my stuff, whens a good time?". Was met with more NC.

I began thinking even more of the random crap from old ex bf's she still had. Love notes, pictures, etc.

Just wondering if this is a common theme?

If so, it reinforces my position that they never truely do detach. The breakup sequence is backwards for them.

[Jay08]

Kind of a comical topic.

Im not sure if this is common among them, but im almost forced to contact her about a dvd from netflix she has im getting charged $25/month for.

Then i remembered, last time i tried picking up something of mine, i was met with more NC.

The time before that (like our 4-5 breakup ), she told me to come over. I replied with "sure ill be over, to pick up my stuff, whens a good time?". Was met with more NC.

I began thinking even more of the random crap from old ex bf's she still had. Love notes, pictures, etc.

Just wondering if this is a common theme?

If so, it reinforces my position that they never truely do detach. The breakup sequence is backwards for them.

[CollegePepper]

Same. My ex did not give my things back.

[BleedsOrange]

Find a way to pay Netflix off. It's not worth the trouble. On my first breakup, she had a box of my clothing including a pair of boots (nice boots) to send me because we were long-distance. When I finally got her to say she would send it (after weeks of abuse), she asked me to pay her 18 dollars to cover the shipping. I didnt respond because I thought it was so ridiculous. I then told her I would send her the 18 if it would just end this. More worse abuse and details about a relationship that it turned out didnt exist.

When we got back together shortly after (hand hits forehead), I finally got the stuff and I asked her why she had packed my things in a box, taken them to the post office and not shipped them. She said that she just couldnt let them go. You know what that tells me? That whe wanted a line connected to me so she could reel me back in. Again that should have seemed obviously manipulative, but I blew it off. Years after and a billion breakups big and small it finally ended for good. She owed me $400. I was not going to lose this one. I was determined to get this back and get it back now! I harassed the crap out of her every time she missed a deadline. I called her a theif. I told her that I couldnt believe she was "one of those girls." I told her how messed up it was that she could jerk me around for three years and then steal money from me and how manipulative it was to borrow it from me at a time when she later said she wasnt interested in me anyway. That gave her all the ammo she needed to tear into me some more about how disgusting I was etc. (somewhat deservingly I shouldnt have harrased her). I got the money, but at what cost? My pride, my self-esteem and just general pain were the cost.

Now Im not saying you are even thinking about going to the lengths that I did- if you are, trash that plan. My therapist told me to chalk the money up to a loss and just get away- that any communication with this dangerous person would not be worth risking a quick escape. She was right. In retrospect, I wish I had given up on my belongings in the first place, and certainly wish I had given up on the money. Whatever she is doing is obviously a ploy (which you already seem to know at your comical take on it). Yet, if you are still thinking about trying to get the DVD back, I say, "why?" Get out pay for the DVD and count your blessings that there is nothing more to say.

[refuge]

I got the stuff she didn't care about back

but the stuff she thought I spent time using (time not spent with her) like camera equipment and chargers were never seen again ...

she also came into the bedroom one day to remind me what a good girlfriend she was for washing and hanging  all my jeans in the closet...

a week later after leaving I find huge holes torn in both pairs- at the feet!

[Seahorse1]

I never cared what I may have left at his place... .  However he showed up at my house with a police escort to get his belongings... .  

Oh but is perfectly happy to keep his boat trailer here as it would cost him $40 a month to keep at his condo... .  

I think I'll give it a month then call a company to have it towed.

[marbleloser]

Nope! I'm still pissed about my liquid fabric softener and dryer sheets she took.!

[Seahorse1]

Marble loser ... .  

Thank God u wrote ... .  

The reality is my ex cost me almost $7k... .  

So am I worried about some clothes of mine that he has... .  

I think not!

[afterdeath]

i knew from the first breakup that i better take whatever i wanted because she was throwing away the rest or keeping it... .  got most of my stuff... .  only missing a jacket... .  first time she threatened and said not to touch her ~ that she took pictures... .  i at that point knew she was isane to be treating me like a criminal... .  that was the first time when i ceaned up the place and hung some curtains for her... .  but i was a criminal for that... .  second time we got back together and she wore the pearls i bought her that she said she got rid of... .  so she lied about getting rid of certain things... .  she did however hand some of my belongings to her sister and told her sister to get rid of them... one gift in particular was a set of dog tags that said A and A forever and always and had our anniv date on them and a wristband sort of the same... .  she admitted she felt very bad about that... so bad that she bought me another necklace kind of the same but this time a cross and a dog tag... .  i took it with me this time and figured it was better not in the trash... .  last time she told me i could come and get my ~... .  which was only a bike two t shirts and pictures of us i had requested she didnt throw away if she didnt want... .  this time she hasnt said anything... .  i told her again to please not discard a particular photo of me and her daughter and that id like to have it... no reply at all to that... .  but yes... .  she took all of the 700 dollar deposit we got back from our apartment together that we originally split the cost for... .  has a nice 500 camera i bought... .  a bed set i split the cost with... tv... .  jewelry... .  you name it... she kept it all... .  no remorse at all... .  she feels she deserved those things i guess... .  whatever... materials dont matter to me... just upset at someone else sleeping in MY bed... .  and i really did want that darn picture of me holding our/her daughter... .  even forgot the super dad mug she bought me for a christmas gift... .  guess the replacement is super dad now... .  ugh so frustrating... .  to the point of rage... .  but no signs of luring me back this time i told her i didnt want any of my "~" i left there this time just that single picture... .  she said she didnt have anything that belonged to me and ignored the picture reference... .  what a piece of work... .  noone has ever made me that angry in all my years that i violently shook with rage... .  if youve ever seen dragonball z id say i was turning super sayian... .  good thing she wasnt around to experience it and i was alone

[FogLight]

Nope.  She's holding my things hostage and was spiteful about it.  Reminded me of how a 3 year old behaves when first learning to use the word "MINE!". What's even weirder though is she refused to take any of her stuff back, pictures, jewelry, things that belonged to family members who passed away, things most people would want returned I would think.

[BleedsOrange]

aterdeath, If you were going super saiyan, that is a good thing. You would be shaking and grunting for at least 7 episodes before anything could happen, which would give plenty of time for your inner monologue to run and re-think your anger

Foglight, heed the warnings. If you feel bad about throwing her stuff away, do you know a mutual or non mutual- anyone sane, friend you can give the stuff to? As for your stuff, consider it gone.

[FogLight]

actually, I've already chalked everything up as a loss, well worth it too.  Her stuff?  Waste Management took care of that a good while ago.  It was liberating 

[spaceace]

I have half my life at my wife's house we were renting. I went once to get some much needed stuff, but I have furniture and odds and ends and clothes and my kids stuff. I do not think I will get any of it back. When I went there, I tried to talk via text with her and I said I wanted to stay so we could see each other. She threatened to call the police and tell them I was there stealing from our house. Not good, so I left and she has been NC since and I cannot imagine getting mine and my kids stuff any time soon.

I really think I am going to lose it all and it's probably for the better. I cannot even imagine going over there at this point. I felt sick the day I went there and that was 3 weeks ago and things are not any better. And emotionally speaking, it's better to lose some clothes, furniture and whatever my kids left their, and buy again, then to go back there...

[BleedsOrange]

yup. never wanna feel that sick feeling again.

[afterdeath]

aterdeath, If you were going super saiyan, that is a good thing. You would be shaking and grunting for at least 7 episodes before anything could happen, which would give plenty of time for your inner monologue to run and re-think your anger

so glad someone got the reference roflmao! So true so true... i do feel like ive been grunting many days which feel like episodes worth ... .  my inner monologue keeps saying findthe dragonballs and wish her back... but before she fused with frieza cell and buu! Lol!... .  im sure my power level was over 9000 that day rofl... im sorry im totally hijacking this ... .  im ending my nerd rant now ... .  but no... .  you wont be seeing any of your stuff again

[Newton]

Flipping this on it's head a little... .  I was stuck with my ex's stuff... .  for months! 

She returned to an old flame... .  didn't have the space to store it... .  I struggled to pay for our old shared home... .  and stored her stuff for her!... .  

In fairness to her... .  I wasn't making the best efforts to deliver it to her... .  it was her way, and my way of still buying into the dysfunction and having a connection... .  albeit a toxic one.

One day I finally had the courage to deliver it all to her friends house (I sent a txt to let her know where it was and I knew it would be safe there til she collected it)... .  I'd had enough of my ex stalling for a collection date... .  and it was upsetting to have it around in my living environment.

I agree with BleedsOrange... .  pay Netflix... .  job done.  If you can afford it, it's a small price to pay for zero drama.

[ricky rick]

Nope, Didnt get the car that i bought her back, or the jewelry, or the furniture, or the kitchen appliances. Spent 6 grand remodeling her bathroom.

Couple of grand bailing her out of bankruptsy, 2 thousand dollar camara so she could take pictures of her kids. the list goes on and on. Ill never get nor regain that money back. honestly, its not worth seeing her to get any of it back anyway. I believe in Karma.

And do you think she called ME to come get the stuff? ya right! Im sure if I know these types well enough, they might pawn some of the stuff for the money.

[Jay08]

Yea, i think ill take that advice and just pay it. I got a 450 dollar car audio system that i let her use that she just let sit in her room, when i asked for it back last time we talked she ignored me. I guess thats going to be stuck there forever too.

Just so twisted to keep things from your ex's when you seemingly 'moved on' in the matter of 48 hours to another guy lmao. I dumped all her stuff when the breakup was official, and everytime i seen something of hers i forgot i went out with buddies and burned it.

Shes probably keeping it for an excuse to contact me down the road when she wants to reengage.

I'll never get it.

[Jay08]

Rick your right

I think mine is keeping the audio to give her new guy as a gift. I remember she gave me a jersey as a gift from some guy who gave it to her at her job. I was like , "ooh thanks! so much sentimental value!" then through it away.

But like i said, she kept little things her ex's before me gave her in shoeboxes and stuff, i think they keep little stuff like that to always feel that connection.

I hope she loses everything i ever gave her.

[must move on]

Currently my exBPD refuses to pay for a loan I took out in my name to help get her a qualification.

The car I bought, was changed out of my name... .  pictures of my D childhood backed up in ExBPD hard drive I have no other copies of... .    :'( refuses to give it all back. Her family stole from me. Borrowed money from me and none of it is ever coming back.

Engagement ring I gave she is seen wearing whilst recycling an old relationship... .  with ex who she did an all merciful smear campaign on btw.

Worst of all is my exBPD Goes on to justify it all with things that were given to me etc... .  honestly it does not add up... .  financially or emotionally.

exBPD has left with me with an animal she bought child without consulting me. I can not afford to pay for all of this I am in a mess as a result and feel really stupid and ashamed. I feel scared I will never trust again... .  

ExBPD has now got in touch with Ex prior to me

[Jay08]

Currently my exBPD refuses to pay for a loan I took out in my name to help get her a qualification.

The car I bought, was changed out of my name... .  pictures of my D childhood backed up in ExBPD hard drive I have no other copies of... .    :'( refuses to give it all back. Her family stole from me. Borrowed money from me and none of it is ever coming back.

Engagement ring I gave she is seen wearing whilst recycling an old relationship... .  with ex who she did an all merciful smear campaign on btw.

Worst of all is my exBPD Goes on to justify it all with things that were given to me etc... .  honestly it does not add up... .  financially or emotionally.

exBPD has left with me with an animal she bought child without consulting me. I can not afford to pay for all of this I am in a mess as a result and feel really stupid and ashamed. I feel scared I will never trust again... .  

ExBPD has now got in touch with Ex prior to me

Im the same way... But its what it should have been all along. I know i will never trust anybody on this green earth with as much trust i put in her. Next time i get into a relationship i will not expect anything, and if i get screwed over it will not hurt nearly as bad.

I kind of came out of this adopting some of her mentality, only i choose to. Its sad because if she tried to recycle me i feel like im going to accept it only so i can abandon her as revenge. Let her feel her worst fears come true.

[ricky rick]

Not to get off the subject here but jesus, I cant believe how much time crap we all have been through here. I woud have to say that that is one of the biggest things that has made me mad, other then being cheated on. Being used like a door mat. Dont get me wrong, they have a disorder but they should be held responsible for things that i feel need to be given back to us. God, I wish I could take her to court over all the money and posssessions Ive given her. Yes I wanted her to have all these things... .  UNTIL I FIGURED OUT SHE WAS A LIER, CHEATER, USER, MANIPULATER... .  and so on!

[BleedsOrange]

They are responsible. It is not an excuse. It wouldnt matter if they were held responsible or not. I never received an ounce of contrition, no matter how hard I tried to pry it out, and probably never would have. Since it is not a possibility for them to actually FEEL how what they did was hurtful, it is of no real matter, even though it sucks- really sucks. Just chalked it up to being one of those guys who dated the wrong crazy chick. Ours were just REALLY good at it. Like my T says to me, "She may be disordered, I can't diagnose her, but NO ONE is this good at this without knowing how and doing it on purpose."

Screw it. Won't happen again.

[ricky rick]

CANT PREDICT CRAZY! You can only learn from it.

[BleedsOrange]

I take part of that back there may be a part where they feel or know the hurt, but they dont seem to process it or express it. Am I wrong? Oh and She still has, has thrown away or has given away a badass onyx ring of mine that I really liked. She can have it. I'll find another. There are plenty of antique jewelry dealers here. I bet its tucked away somewhere though. WAIT IT DOESNT MATTER! CRAP! I mean whatevs... .  I dont care

[must move on]

They are responsible. It is not an excuse. It wouldnt matter if they were held responsible or not. I never received an ounce of contrition, no matter how hard I tried to pry it out, and probably never would have. Since it is not a possibility for them to actually FEEL how what they did was hurtful, it is of no real matter, even though it sucks- really sucks. Just chalked it up to being one of those guys who dated the wrong crazy chick. Ours were just REALLY good at it. Like my T says to me, "She may be disordered, I can't diagnose her, but NO ONE is this good at this without knowing how and doing it on purpose."

Screw it. Won't happen again.

Hey,

I am confused about this, do people with BPD really not understand how much they have hurt us by not only actions and behaviors... .  but the financial aspect we appear to be landed with... .  

[BleedsOrange]

It seems like mine didnt, because she never expressed it in any way, but I think I was wrong to assume I know how she felt. It didnt seem like she could really process it if she felt it.

[Jay08]

They cant empathise with their actions like we do. They can only feel shame in these aspects.

[must move on]

They cant empathise with their actions like we do. They can only feel shame in these aspects.

OK, I was confused because my exBPD would say I cant believe I have been so reckless I will pay you back I am sorry and then two weeks later it was like that convo never happened. I am now starting to think I will be picking up the pieces as tough as it is gonna be.

[Jay08]

Yeah, dont let it confuse you. They still know right from wrong. They are not dumb, and if you were to say cheat on then they would feel hurt. But they lack any ability to put themselves in your shoes.

[peace]

same ~, same ~. These people have to have been cloned