In a lonely rut again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, I'm back at it.  Had contact with my undiagnosed ex gf.  We both have dogs and I needed help with one of mine.  So, she is dog sitting for me.  She is outgoing, a natural salesperson.  I'm quiet and shy.  That's what attracts me to someone like her.  However, the more I talk to her the more I realize she is crazy.  We talk and the conversation is all about her.  I don't get a word in.  Never asks about me or my job.  Her job is most important.    She had a fight with her best friend who unfriended her on Facebook.  She's in her 30s btw.  She has been sober 4 years and claims how great life is but I can tell she still has problems with other women.  She also has to be the boss and even started her own AA meeting just so she can be in control.  Yet, I want to be with someone like her.  She is popular and outgoing.  Everything ive wanted to be.  I just feel an enormous sense of loss. 

[its_tough]

Well, I'm back at it.  Had contact with my undiagnosed ex gf.  We both have dogs and I needed help with one of mine.  So, she is dog sitting for me.  She is outgoing, a natural salesperson.  I'm quiet and shy.  That's what attracts me to someone like her.  However, the more I talk to her the more I realize she is crazy.  We talk and the conversation is all about her.  I don't get a word in.  Never asks about me or my job.  Her job is most important.    She had a fight with her best friend who unfriended her on Facebook.  She's in her 30s btw.  She has been sober 4 years and claims how great life is but I can tell she still has problems with other women.  She also has to be the boss and even started her own AA meeting just so she can be in control.  Yet, I want to be with someone like her.  She is popular and outgoing.  Everything ive wanted to be.  I just feel an enormous sense of loss. 

[Rose Tiger]

   Opposites do attract, that sure sums up my relationship.  If you have a desire to be more outgoing, what can you do about that?  There are books that teach how to be more assertive, there are groups, like toast masters to practice those skills.  Lots of people overcome shyness, so can you.    What contact tends to do is push us back instead of forward.  Maybe look into a dog kenneling service?

You can pick people that you admire to study, how do they do it and how you can be more like them.  I've been reading biographies lately of people I admire.  Good stuff!  My ex is charming and outgoing but it's an act, it's not sincere.  Not something I want to learn.   

[Surnia]

its_tough

You made some very important observations: You realize what you are missing, her outgoing and being popular.

I agree with Rose Tiger: What about making this to a goal for yourself? Learning to be more outgoing. Learning to be more in the point of attention.

I believe this is one reason we fall in love: To integrate missing parts of us. And accepting this we can see on day the gift in the pain.

[seeking balance]

Well, I'm back at it.  Had contact with my undiagnosed ex gf.  We both have dogs and I needed help with one of mine.  So, she is dog sitting for me.  She is outgoing, a natural salesperson.  I'm quiet and shy.  That's what attracts me to someone like her.  However, the more I talk to her the more I realize she is crazy.  We talk and the conversation is all about her.  I don't get a word in.  Never asks about me or my job.  Her job is most important.    She had a fight with her best friend who unfriended her on Facebook.  She's in her 30s btw.  She has been sober 4 years and claims how great life is but I can tell she still has problems with other women.  She also has to be the boss and even started her own AA meeting just so she can be in control.  Yet, I want to be with someone like her.  She is popular and outgoing.  Everything ive wanted to be.  I just feel an enormous sense of loss. 

Are you lonely when you are with other friends that have similar traits that you didn't have a romantic relationship with?