Communication

[lost007]

Since I have moved out with my soon to be ex wife she bombards me with texts and calls. Texts are in the hundreds daily. I'm afraid to not respond. If I am remotely cordial she thinks we are back on. Even if I clearly say it is over. We are divorcing. She would dominate every second of every day. If I need breathing room she is offended. This is a serious illness. It's like a nightmare that will not end.

[ambi]

If you could say how things would proceed, what would it look like?

[spaceace]

I am sorry to hear you're experiencing this.

From my experience, my wife, who is has an udBPD, kicked me to the curb with no explanation. We have not talked since November 10th. The first few weeks, I would send emails with lengthy questions as to why? I would text her maybe 5-10 times in a day requesting to talk and understand why? It was infuriating to NEVER get a response. There was no reason why we were here. None that she explained to me. I can imagine, she must not have liked me emailing and texting.

I did not like that she just dropped off the face of the earth with no explanation. I had a simple question, over and over, why? I tried to imagine every possible thing I might have done wrong. I guessed at every turn hoping for a response. They never came.

A 10 minute conversation would have saved us both time and pain and all the nonsense if a simple conversation could have been had. Would I have liked her words and why she was doing it? Probably not, but knowing this was the third time she did this to me, I knew the pattern. We wouldn't talk for a few weeks and then after a text or email, she would engage with me in conversation and we would slowly walk towards each other. So I expected the same this time, I had no real reason to believe this would have been any different than what I had experienced prior in our marriage.

This time, it didn't happen though. (I started to get text's in return when I asked if we could talk, or emails outlining all the ways I could change if this was what I did wrong), Stating she would call the police because I was harassing her. Or she would respond she was going to file a restraining order if I contacted her again.

So, I stopped. Then after a little while, still hoping for a reconciliation, I would send her a simple text asking if we could talk. If she didn't respond, I would not text again.

I don't know what the answer is for you, but I know, going radio silent without an explanation as to why, what went wrong, is there no hope, basically no explanation, is very hurtful to a person. To me, it hurt at depths I was not aware even existing.

This is your call, but I thought I would add my thoughts. Keep in mind, I am not a person with BPD. I was dealing with NC (No Contact) by a udBPDw and had little understanding why and what brought us here.

Good luck.

[lost007]

She is very aware of why I left. She wants to be friends. Has become nicer since I left. I have asked her to leave me alone but she refuses saying she is just not at that point yet. She knows well that I would not contact her. As soon as work is done my phone begins going off. If I say can't text she begins the guilt. Calling me cold and distant. I moved out because I want out. She cannot see it. I am afraid to cut her off. Wanting to try and keep as civil as possible so that she will give me less trouble in the divorce. She has often said that if she has to keep me with her by threatening me or guilting me she will do so. She has said even if I don't love her she will hold on. When I lived there she would try and force me to hold her knowing I was planning my escape. I want to live my life. It took a lot for me to leave. Now that I have she gives me no space. I can't breathe. I am going to have to move. If u have seen the scene in fatal attraction where she tells him she is pregnant. He shows disgust with what she is doing to him. She is emotionally blackmailing him and can't understand how he would not be happy with her. She can't see it. It's pathological.  I want to go no contact. I'm afraid of what she will do if I do so.

[lost007]

I pray to be kicked to the curb.

[lost007]

Ambi

If I had my way I would get the divorce and never see or speak to her again. She will not allow that. Not without a huge price and mass destruction. She would destroy all I am. All I have earned. And even herself and her children if it means keeping me. If she can't have me she will try and destroy me. At virtually any cost. I'm alone in this. Only a couple people know. If she knew I had talked with someone about it all he'll would break loose. So I lie and say I'm keeping it quiet. Of course she talks with whomever whenever. I still get nervous when my kids call because when I was In same house with her any phone call in which I was nice to my kids was attention she wasn't getting and I paid a price. I guess I have a little PTSD. She will never stop. I know this. My phone is going off continually right now. Her wanting to make sex talk. Looking for any clue that I may be even remotely kind to her. Because in her mind I am an object of hers. I belong to her. It is so bizarre I can't even begin to describe it. I get so anxious and just break down praying to god to make her stop.