It's done, divorce is final

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Got the papers today, the judge signed off on the decree on the 3rd.  So I've been single for 4 days and didn't know it.  It's funny, I downloaded the papers to file, filled them out with ball point pen, not caring about specifics, left a lot of blanks.  The clerk from the court called me, you didn't fill in bank account numbers or anything and I told her it was none of the court's business.  Such a brat.  Yes, in a way, I was hoping the court would say, you've got to be kidding, fill these out right.  But I didn't, I scribbled in the basics and filed.  In my fantasy, I also downloaded the paperwork to put the kabash on the whole thing.  Hoping I'd have a reason to file that, a stay on it.  Nope.

I was thinking about things on the drive home.  One day ex and I took a day off work, drove up to the mountains.  Hiked and found a beautiful secluded spot.  Broke out the wine, cheese, crackers and grapes.  Had a little feast in forest clearing where if you looked up the trees were towering overhead and if you looked in the distance, gorgeous mountains.  Who does that?  Play hooky from work and have a party of two in the middle of some majestic scenary.  I think, can I see myself doing that with another person and I think, no.  I just wanted to do that with him.  I think about when he took me to Hawaii for our honeymoon.  snorkeling and the giant turtles.  A turtle the size of volkswagon comes swimming towards me and I put my feet on ex's shoulders in terror.  He loved to tell that story of his new bride practically drowning him because of a turtle.  I remember our suite in Hawaii, taking a shower and a hand reaching in to pinch my tush.  Going to San Diego on our first wedding anniversay.  I miss my adventure buddy.  I could talk him into anything.  

Do I email him about the divorce being final?  I suppose not, if he cared, he can contact the court himself to check.

[Rose Tiger]

Got the papers today, the judge signed off on the decree on the 3rd.  So I've been single for 4 days and didn't know it.  It's funny, I downloaded the papers to file, filled them out with ball point pen, not caring about specifics, left a lot of blanks.  The clerk from the court called me, you didn't fill in bank account numbers or anything and I told her it was none of the court's business.  Such a brat.  Yes, in a way, I was hoping the court would say, you've got to be kidding, fill these out right.  But I didn't, I scribbled in the basics and filed.  In my fantasy, I also downloaded the paperwork to put the kabash on the whole thing.  Hoping I'd have a reason to file that, a stay on it.  Nope.

I was thinking about things on the drive home.  One day ex and I took a day off work, drove up to the mountains.  Hiked and found a beautiful secluded spot.  Broke out the wine, cheese, crackers and grapes.  Had a little feast in forest clearing where if you looked up the trees were towering overhead and if you looked in the distance, gorgeous mountains.  Who does that?  Play hooky from work and have a party of two in the middle of some majestic scenary.  I think, can I see myself doing that with another person and I think, no.  I just wanted to do that with him.  I think about when he took me to Hawaii for our honeymoon.  snorkeling and the giant turtles.  A turtle the size of volkswagon comes swimming towards me and I put my feet on ex's shoulders in terror.  He loved to tell that story of his new bride practically drowning him because of a turtle.  I remember our suite in Hawaii, taking a shower and a hand reaching in to pinch my tush.  Going to San Diego on our first wedding anniversay.  I miss my adventure buddy.  I could talk him into anything.  

Do I email him about the divorce being final?  I suppose not, if he cared, he can contact the court himself to check.

[spaceace]

Hey Rose Tiger...

I cannot imagine what it will feel like to finally divorce my wife. We too were buddies and did all sorts of traveling together. We enjoyed that immensely. I know that feeling, thinking about the past and all the fun we had.

I hope you're okay.

[Elsegundo]

I hope you can do sonething really nice for yourself.  You deserve it.

[Rose Tiger]

  Thank you friends.  I'm ok.  Thinking about that tiny mountain town that I love.  They have a lake, a gazebo, a bistro.  It's mine, I've been back without him, I take custody of it.  Ha.  Thinking about the last time me and ex went there, I like to eat at the bistro, beg bread and then feed the ducks on the lake.  Me and ex fed the ducks and then there was a wedding at the gazebo.  It's a fire chief wedding.  Ex has his arms wrapped around me as we watch the wedding.  All the firefolks line up on either side of the wooden boardwalk over the lake to the gazebo.  They do the sword salute but instead of swords, they have firemen axes, and the bride and groom duck underneath as they walk off as man and wife.  I'm praying, God let this get through to him, let our marriage survive somehow, let this touch him.  And it did, he became a volunteer fireman shortly after.  Drrr.

[Seahorse1]

I have a lot of one of a kind memories too but who's to say there aren't all kinds of new memories in the future ... .  

[gina louise]

Rose Tiger,

I think bittersweet kind of sums it up.

Congrats on being free to be your own happier, truer self.

GL

[AmericanTemplar]

Lucky!  I can't wait to be there!  Sure, I miss the good times too, but I can't wait until the day when I will never have any reason to communicate with her, nor any legal connections to her.  That must at least be a relief!

[GettinHealthy]

Rose Tiger,

You will be ok, HE won't!  

That is an awesome step you have taken to take those places and make them yours.  In time you will be willing to do similar things with someone, but for now enjoy them with you!

I have similar memories, walks in state parks with my dog, late night deer sighting adventures, naughtyness in the middle of the woods , taking day trips to secluded places to be "just the two of us".  Those are the really good things that will be hard to forget, but you can look at them as just that, great memories, great experiences that will give you a taste of what you could have with someone that can really love you, and respect you back.  Not just someone who is trying to make a good impression all the time!  You will get there, you are doing great already!  

[atcrossroads]

Rose Tiger,

HUGS and congrats... .  bittersweet, for sure, but I'm glad to hear you sound so strong.

I seem to be moving rapidly toward divorce myself - could be April at earliest - and your post sums up very much how I'm feeling now, and I imagine, I'll be hit with a wave of it when time comes.  It's so hard to reconcile the good with the bad, isn't it?  But please know your post gives me strength to know that I too can do this.

Take care... .  hope you have lots of support around you and it gets easier each day.

[seeking balance]

Rose Tiger,

Once the fighting was done and the dust had settled, paperwork filed - I too allowed myself to remember some of the good times.

We loved them or we wouldn't have married them... .  it wasn't all bad.

I wasn't super sad, not extremely... .  well any emotion... .  simply just was.

Not sure if you read Eat, Pray, Love - but the movie version where Julia Roberts is on top of the building remembering the wedding dance with her husband and lets go... .  that kinda summed up how I felt once it was all signed & sealed.

Take good care of you right now.

Peace,

SB

[atcrossroads]

Thank you, Seeking.  I love the book Eat, Pray, Love but read it years ago when it came out and never did see the movie.  I think I need to see the movie.   

[bpdspell]

Congrats to your bittersweet victory Rose Tiger... .  

You're such an awesome example of tenacity and strength.  

And yes. Eat, Pray, Love the movie is phenomenal. Life is about being prepared for the unexpected.

Spell

[ambi]

  RoseTiger.  Lots and lots of 

[VeryConfusedNon]

Rose, you will find someone new to share those things with... I hope... (your post reminded me of the fun times I had... .  ) I'm hoping

[myself]

Sorry... .  And: Congrats! And thanks. You've shared your heart here, with all of us. With humor, too, despite whatever was going on. We all feel for you, and wish you well. The ways you've handled things has been inspiring, acknowledging the best and the bad. I hope you're a part of some new adventures, and they're the greatest ones ever.

[Awakecj]

Rose Tiger,

Your post made me catch my breath. It's what so many are working towards and yet when it is final it sounds somewhat shocking. For me, it doesn't seem possible the divorce fight will ever end but you have given me hope.

Happy for you to be where you are and all the positives that lay ahead. 

[Rose Tiger]

  Thanks everyone.  The paperwork helps get all the financial stuff organized, if anything happens to me, I want what little assets I have to go to my daughters.  The marriage pretty much has been over for some time.  He was uber mean to me and it took me to a very dark place for a while.  I finally got strong enough to say, hey, you can't do that to me.  It's not ok.  And I don't have to worry about hearing that I didn't do the paperwork correctly, the judge didn't mind there were no bank account numbers.   

I've seen Eat Pray Love, I like Julia Roberts a lot. 

For a prezzie, I pre-ordered Madea Gets a Job, Madea has to do 20 hours of community service at an old folks home.  Comes out Feb 5th.  Can't wait!    I remember the first time I saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman.  That is a fantastic movie, too, for recovery and healing.