Should I go NC again?

[catalina]

I haven't heard from him since Friday. He got desperate and tried emailing me a ton of stuff about other things re: his phone, his son's phone, an apartment, marriage counseling (online and scam DVD stuff) and I didn't answer any of them. I guess it's up to me to make it NC. If it doesn't have anything to do with our D or the houses that we own (and only if there's a danger of them being foreclosed on, which is not the case) then there's no reason for him to contact me. Or, rather, there's no reason for me to respond.

I see now, it's more about my response than his actions. But what about when/if he moves back to the same town? He says he'll be here next week. He's also said that for the last few weeks, so I never know when he'll be here.

I'm getting ready to start a new job and I just don't want him around here trying to interfere. I guess I'll deal with it when it happens. No sense worrying and fretting about it.

[must move on]

As my T said "when you end the personal relationship it does not mean that you have actually stopped interacting on different levels in a personal way... .  

when it is over there is no more discussing the whats how or why's it has happened.

This took me some time to get my head around, but I can see now my contact was sometimes personal. I also realized my exBPD was not capable of respecting me or my D or our personal boundaries.

Your right no point in fretting about it try not to worry about tomorrow, as it is not here... yesterday is gone and right now is your gift... .  this gives me some peace.

You exBPD is now responsible for his own actions, not you and not your daughter.

Best of luck with your new job and well done 

[catalina]

I see that my contact is not personal, and I no longer wish to discuss the whats and whys, but he is not where I am. He is still blaming and begging and bargaining. Today, he sent an email saying there was no abuse, that we had some problems but it wasn't abusive. I had to sit back and think about that, because he's telling me that what I think (it's verbal abuse) and what I feel (terrible because I was abused) are not actually what I think and feel.

I don't know if he'll ever get past denial. He definitely can't understand boundaries. I just stopped replying completely, but he'll send an email here and there, with something like today's denial of abuse.

I hope I don't get a huge BPD caseload at my job like I had at my previous job. On the other hand, I'm onto them and they can't fool me! 

[cookiecrumbled]

I think you are going to rock this new job and BPD will try to interfere but will be powerless now that you realize he is pathetic.

I am so proud of you, Catalina.  I wish I could be like you.  Detached.

Cookie

[catalina]

It took me a long time to get to this level of detachment. I am glad I have had some contact with him this time because we had little contact the last time I let him back in my life, when he convinced me that he had changed and would continue to work on his problems and try to get better. It lasted only until he didn't get something he wanted, then I was painted black again.

I now have nasty emails, visual proof that he is the way he is, and it isn't just the alcohol as I thought for many years. He can be just as bad when he's not drinking.