love letters

[smartwoman220]

I spent today finishing up my packing. It was good today. I played my music and enjoyed an afternoon all by myself.


I packed his things away, and I just have to figure out if I'm responsible for his items if he doesn't pick them up before I turn the keys in.

I did write him a letter.  He has a notebook that he keeps all his important dates and numbers in.

So I penned it there.

I didn't blame either of us. I just thanked him for the lessons and the time we loved each other. I told him him I wished him well and hoped he could find whatever it is he is looking for. I also told him he us smarter than he gives himself credit for. I told him to leave liquor alone.  I encouraged him to not be afraid to face the monsters from his past, and to let live in instead of running from it. I signed it with love.

By the time he reads it, I will be long gone from the house and my number will be different.  I also deleted my Facebook,  so he won't have a way to reach me.

But even if I'm not physically there for him ever again,  I just wanted him to know that someone out there cares.

I really feel like once I've gotten everything out of the house, I will be okay with moving on

[Blazing Star]

  that's great!

You sound strong and positive.

I hope you have written such a love letter to yourself and tucked it away to read when you need to!

Love Blazing Star

[smartwoman220]

Not quite a letter to myself,  but my journals are always with me. I am working through the issued I uncovered about me since trying to figure out what was wrong with us an just reading them and remembering how I don't want to feel is enough for me.

[Blazing Star]

Awesome! Journals can be such a valuable tool. I too am reminded of how far I have come when I look back over past journals.

Great that you are working through the issues and confronting yourself - it can be intense stuff I know!

Love Blazing Star

[myself]

It was good today.

Always like hearing that!

You sound at peace with what is going on, feeling it for sure and living through it better than before. Also like to hear that! I sighed a good kind of sigh reading it.

Good for you to have written out what you felt to, and left it like that. It might be the final period of that 'letter', but... .  It's time for something else now. Here's to that!

[smartwoman220]

Thanks!  You know, there was something about these last two weeks that just really clicked something on in my head. At first I was really concerned for HIM, but as I went through certain experiences alone, holes that he helped dig us into,  I'm digging out by myself ... I'm crying at night. And trying to put the pieces together.  The only thing he was doing was making it worse.  Terrorizing and breaking things

  Something in my thoughts snapped and I was really like f@$% him!  He is doing the things that feel good to him impulsively, he is taking care of his needs... .    realized that I needed to take care of mine.  So I started.  And everyday has gotten a little better

[Changed4safety]

Not only are you a "smart woman," you are, as the '40s lingo would have it, a "classy dame."  That's the sort of thing I would like to think I would have done in the same situation. 

I'll be watching your posts as you continue to move forward.  It's inspiring!

[smartwoman220]

Awwwww... .  thank you . I appreciate the kind words. I really feel better now, since I'm doing things to better me. Taking the focus of his sickness, after  learning about it really opened the door for change! We can all do it, we just have to choose too