I attended a BPD wedding

[oliviallamb]

So, I don't really know if it's appropriate to put this post here but I don't know where else to put it, so here it goes... .  

My friend got married on Saturday in Virginia. I live in California. I flew across the country to go to her wedding. I am a bridesmaid, and I agreed to do it, so it's not really an issue, it's just that I was stuck in another state and was staying in her apartment where she and her now husband lives.

I had only met the groom once and instantly disliked him. Not only did I dislike him, I really felt like I should wall my emotions off from him because he was just... .  different. He was incredibly rude and cold... .  but I just ignored it because my friend loves him, etc.

Anyway, I'm there with another bridesmaid and the maid of honor and we are all tremendously disrespected by the groom. He was insulted by everything I said even though i wouldn't say anything particularly offensive.

It turns out his mother was diagnosed with BPD and was apparently very abusive toward him and his siblings when he was younger.  He admits that he has issues with women. I think he has at least traits of BPD if not the disorder itself. He completely idolizes my friend, and I wonder what happens when he's upset with her.

Here are some things we had to deal with throughout the course of this whole wedding thing:

1. Bridal Shower: we needed to create invitations. He's a graphic designer. He made some. We thought that was great because he knows the bride more than us (theoretically) and would know what she would like. His name and her name as well as their photos were on the invitations. The other bridesmaid thanked the groom for making it and said it was great. He said we couldn't use the invitations because it will be stealing his intellectual property. Huh? Okay, it's for a bridal shower for your fiance. Dont' get it.

2. He wanted to pack in the apartment with the bride after the wedding and asked us to give them an hour and a half to pack. We don't have a car, we dont' have a change of clothes, nothing. The other bridesmaid asked what we were supposed to do, or where we are supposed to go since we needed to leave the church. His response: "I don't know. That wasn't like, my division of labor" in a very rude tone.

3. He always manages to insult me somehow when I'm having a conversation with him. He acts like I'm not in the room and if I say something he'll become insulted that I actually spoke.

That's not even half of what happened, that's just all I can think of right now. Everyone felt pretty traumatized (yes, traumatized) by the wedding because of how the groom treated all of us. I actually consistently felt intimidated by the groom even though he's 21 and I'm 28.

I found out that he actually has some pretty intense psychological issues apparently, but I dont know what they are.

Anyway, I had to share this because I spent a week with these people (and found out my friend is pretty messed up herself. She's always very quiet but apparently how the groom behaves is how my friend is on the inside. Wow. When I heard that I pretty much felt crazy) and I had to bite my tongue and deal with total abuse. I actually cried on the way home on the plane because I just felt so abused.

One of the bridesmaids has been attacked by the groom already and he has been criticizing us on Twitter, because, well, y'know, he's a boy. LOL.

Anyway, thanks for reading this... .  whoever you are.

[Sunnys Blues]

Wow!  I'm sorry you had to experience all of this, during what would have been a happy, wonderful time for your friend!

The groom does sound like he has some seriously undiagnosed problems. Same goes for the bride.

In the meantime- you certainly have a tale to tell for the future. I don't know about you, but I do know- if it was me, I wouldn't volunteer to step foot back into their home. The hubby doesn't respect his wife's friends, and she's okay with that!

I think they would get an obligatory holiday card from me... .  for a couple of years, at the most. Sometimes, friendships do change, and people move apart.