Zoning out of reality

[cartman1]

This morning my uBPDw said she got up and didn't know how to feel, like there was no emotions but her head was racing. She said then her mind started pulling loads of bad thoughts out from nowhere making her feel down. Then she went the hairdressers thinking about her emotions and said she totally zoned out thinking of her emotions. It was only when the girl spoke to her she snapped out of it. But she said it was like she was in her own world with no vision. When on the way home she was still thinking about emotions and felt for a second like jumping in the river to stop making people feel so bad. We cuddled up and watched a movie and she perked right up. She said she feels much better now. But at the same time she seems to be avoiding me but says its not me.

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[CodependentHusband]

Sounds like she was in a state of dissociation. My wife, I think, does this often. She's usually actively doing something, but I sense that she is on autopilot. Playing games on her phone for hours on end, she really does seem to be a million miles away. I still struggle a little bit with her seeming to need so much distance... .  Think it's the loneliness on my part. I try not to think about it and get into something I enjoy.

Interesting that your wife opened up to you about her experience. My wife will, but only on rare occasion. When she comes back from Mars, I'm here for her... .  Not much more to do about it than that, I don't guess. It certainly proves to provide more peace in my house when I let her do her own thing.

A part of what your wife said is a bit disturbing... .  That impulsive feeling to jump in the river... .  It seems that she allowed you to comfort her, which is good, but do you think you need to take any kind of action? I'm kind of thinking out loud here... .  I'm just wondering. How confusing it must be to have BPD.

[cartman1]

Hi codependentHusband,

I spoke to her a lot about it. It seems we are getting a lot closer at the moment. I must be white for the first time in a while! She told me that she knows its a stupid thought. I should of said that before really, because she will tell me things like this a lot but she will say "That's how my stupid mind works." She hasn't really seemed dysregulated either and she did say it in a 'how daft am I.' Tone of voice. She did seem really distant this morning walking room to room but after a good cuddle and chat she's happy and relaxed.