You just never know

[griz]

I never know and am often perplexed as to the things my DD will say out of what seems like no where.  We had a really good day today.  DD does not have classes till next week so today she came into work with me and then midday I ran her over to her internship.  At the end of the day I picked her up and we were both starving so although we never do the fast food thing I suggested we stop in McDonalds and she agreed.  We were standing on line when a mom and a little boy were in front of us and it appeared that the little boy wanted the Happy Meal and the mom insisted that he could not have the fries but he could have the apples instead.  He was getting angry (probably about 4 years old) and kept insisting and she kept telling him no he could get the Happy Meal with the apples and Milk not the one with Fries and Soda.  He finally broke down and started to cry to which his mother told him if he didn't stop he would get nothing.  When we got into the car DD said to me that if she had a kid she would never act like that mother and I said "well, I think she meant well.  The apples and milk are really better for him and DD responded with, (okay fasten your seatbelts for this one). " Yes but she was very invalidating.  She could have told him that she understood how much he wanted the fries and sometimes it is hard to make good choices but the apples and milk would make him grow bigger and stronger. This would have validated his feelings. I also would have suggested that we buy a small fry to share. That would have made it fun and they would have compromised and both been happy"  DID SHE SAY INVALIDATING AND COMPROMISE.  WAS THIS REALLY COMING OUT OF THE MOUTH OF MY DAUGHTER WHO TOLD ME DBT WAS A CROCK OF ~.

Anyway I validated her idea and told her I thought she would make a terrific mom one day.  And BTW DD has now coined a new phrase for the Happy Meal that comes with apples and milk, she calls it the Unhappy Meal.

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cfh]

Griz

Ha! I love it... .  isn't life amazing? A never ending surprise.

[bpdfamfan]

great story 

[trainwreck4]

Oh my... .  Sometimes they make such sense and I want to scream "THAT is what my daughter is supposed to sound like!". That means that the crock of ~ is working!  So excited for you!  

[twojaybirds]

    thanks for that story griz.  It made my day!

[jojospal]

That story made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

[momontherun]

The insight is amazingly wonderful! I am so happy for you and your daughter!

[griz]

I just wish she could apply this insight to herself. 

Griz

[almostvegan]

GRIZ that's such an amazing fantastic wonderful story.

I love hearing tales like this here it gives me hope something which I'm in dire need of lately.

Hope to hear more like this from you.

Peace

AV

[jellibeans]

what a happy story... .  thanks for sharing... .  gives me hope...

[trainwreck4]

Griz that means she is in there. There's just a lot of background noise for her... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

thank you all for your support.  I love when I hear some good news from someone.  It also makes me feel like there is hope.  I believe there is hope for all of us... .  we have to believe.

Griz

[Speedracer]

Really good! Thanks for taking the time to share!

[Being Mindful]

I love it. Thanks for sharing. I have a big smile on my face!

[Schism]

What a great story.  That certainly tells you it isn't all just a crock of ~, she is actually retaining and using what she is learning, whether she realizes it or not.  How fantastic    

[Survive2012]

Griz, I love it!

They never end surprising us, do they?

You will keep this moment in your heart and bring it out when times are rough. It will help you feel better.

Survive

[Thursday]

Hi Griz,

This is a great story.

I hear you when you say you wish she would apply this insight to herself. I think we always have to keep hope alive but I wanted to validate for you that your daughter lacks the ability to apply this stuff to her own situation.

So many times I see my BPDSD21 posting a platitude on facebook, one which, if self-applied, would move her by light years to a happier life. I've seen her post sage advice to her friends but she does not go in that direction for herself.

She seems to lack some key component, especially as regards self-awareness. She remains stuck in "not satisfactory" when she can see what "satisfactory" is, she can even see how to get there.

It's like she's trapped under a net. It is the saddest, most obvious part of her mental illness. She knows about the net and wishes it weren't there but still, she tolerates how it makes her feel instead of standing up and taking it off.

Her inner voice is so cruel to her... .  never says to her,

"you can do it"

instead it says

"If you try that and it fails you are going to be SOO screwed."

Griz, I hope your daughter's insights will allow the idea of action to take hold.

Thanks for posting this thread.

thursday