Thank you for your replies

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I miss my Granny. Her death is still sinking in and it'll be a while before I fully understand that I'll never again sit in her kitchen drinking coffee with her or hear her tell me stories from the past.
On the upside, she did teach me that I am worthy of love. Of the kind of love I would like to have, to share with someone. She's always taught me that, always showed me that she believed in that.
And I am proud, yet a bit "Wow, really?" over myself. One of my friends asked me last night what I was gonna do if my ex finds out that Granny is gone and wants to reconnect to "comfort" me.
Without thinking, my reply was that I'd tell him no thanks, because what ever comfort he could give me would be for HIM to look good, not because my feelings would actually matter to me. And that I preferred to grieve the loss without giving him the option to mess with my head once more.
And I didn't feel bad for saying it. I felt like it was a huge AHA!-moment that had been on it's way since my mother told me that Granny was gone. And I see that I have come further than I would have expected, just from reading these boards, reading the stories of others and using the lessons to question myself in regards to what happened.
I miss Granny a lot today. And I will miss her even worse tomorrow, where I was supposed to visit her. But it is a peaceful kind of sorrow I am feeling. The kind of sorrow I think people feel when REAL love is taken away... .