Met with my Therapist today... big step

[FoolishOne]

Hey family... .  I called one of the therapists today that we had seen a few times.  I remember picking him because he was specifically trained in DBT.  I didn't tell my BPDw that, but I thought maybe it would be a bonus that he has that background.

Anyway, as with all of the other T's, she didn't like him and we moved on.  However, today I thought I would seek out a T that could help me specifically.  I called him and he had an opening today. 

It was a good session... .  the primary things I took away today that was uplifting was that he said he thought we needed to split up.  He said we both needed work, but her unability to take any ownership of the marital problems... .  along with other glaring issues, spelled for disaster. 

I felt a little relieved... .  and of course, a little sad as well.  I do have hope, however that by working with him, reading some good books, leaning on ym friends (including the bpdfamily.com gang), I may may it through alive.

One disturbing thing, however... .  my wife and I still share each other's calendars on our phones... .  and tonight I noticed she has the word "Court" on it from 8-10:00am tomorrow morning.  It wasn't on her phone earlier today.  I am a little worried that she may be filing... .  we'll see.

F1

[Surnia]

Great you had a appt with a T! 

DBT is great, I have so much benefit through it.

Your T is very direct on the first session! I can imagine how you feel about it.

Sharing calendars ... .  it is not easy to detach with this. I could imagine that your wife is triggered by your appt with the T. My ex was extremly triggered by the fact, that I was seeing  a T!

[Rose Tiger]

My T started out as our marriage counselor.  It's a bonus that she's met the ex and knows a bit about him.  She also encouraged me to leave the relationship.  She helped me face things that I didn't want to face.  It's difficult sometimes but I am not going back to my old patterns, so unhealthy.  She helped me work through much of the dark times, very thankful for her help.  She gets it, that is priceless in this process.

[FoolishOne]

Actually, the reason for originally picking the T was since he had DBT training, I thought it would be a plus for my BPDw.  I wasn't thinking it would be for me.

Regardless, I met with him again yesterday.  I think we're making progress... .  it is just going to be so incredibly difficult to get through this ordeal.  I would not wish it on anyone.

BY the way... .  I didn't put the appt with my T on the shared calendar.  Speaking of calendars... .  tonight she is supposed to be with her son, but instead she  apparently is having her ex husband take him while shge goes bowling.  Her time with her son was so precious before... .  Now bowling is important.  Of course, I can 't help but wonder who she is bowling with.  But, being the Sunday School teacher and church event coordinator, I'm sure it's all innocent fun.

My T says I have issues with ruminating.  I told him he was dead right. 

F1

[turtle]

BY the way... .  I didn't put the appt with my T on the shared calendar.  Speaking of calendars... .  tonight she is supposed to be with her son, but instead she  apparently is having her ex husband take him while shge goes bowling.  Her time with her son was so precious before... .  Now bowling is important.  Of course, I can 't help but wonder who she is bowling with.  But, being the Sunday School teacher and church event coordinator, I'm sure it's all innocent fun.

I love the sarcasm.  .

My T says I have issues with ruminating.  I told him he was dead right.

 

And what did he tell you to do about this?

I've always been a ruminator.  I don't ruminate about crazyx anymore (so grateful,) but I still have a tendency to ruminate about other things.

The only thing that has ever worked for me with ruminating is to just force myself to STOP.  It's hard!

turtle

[FoolishOne]

Turtle:

He said that maybe I have Attention Deficit, since I have a tendency to space off (my mind is races at times), and I forget things alot... .  and that maybe if I took the edge off, I would not ruminate as much.  I've never been on any meds before (behavioral), so this would be a stretch for me.  And of course, I had to ask him that I had gone on these meds previously, would it have saved my marriage.  He said not at all.  "Looney" was not being treated, and probably would not consider treatment.  He said, if I had my mind right, instead of being a better mate to her, I would never have been a mate at all.

F1

[turtle]

And of course, I had to ask him that I had gone on these meds previously, would it have saved my marriage.  He said not at all.  "Looney" was not being treated, and probably would not consider treatment.  He said, if I had my mind right, instead of being a better mate to her, I would never have been a mate at all.

Exactly!  So now... .  time to get the mind right, so you will not be vulnerable to this kind of thing from her, or anyone else, in the future.

[FoolishOne]

I hope to God you (and everyone else) are right about this.  Listening to her, you'd think I was the Devil himself.  In fact, if she were to tell her side of the story, I've got no reason to doubt that you may pity her!  She would tell you tales of being criticized for her mood, labeled as in need of medication, chastised for being sick, distrusted, etc... .  not to mention that she has risen out of the muck and mire that she was in when we married me.

[turtle]

I hope to God you (and everyone else) are right about this.  Listening to her, you'd think I was the Devil himself.  In fact, if she were to tell her side of the story, I've got no reason to doubt that you may pity her!  She would tell you tales of being criticized for her mood, labeled as in need of medication, chastised for being sick, distrusted, etc... .  not to mention that she has risen out of the muck and mire that she was in when we married me.

Well... .  I already pity her.  Anyone that would fake a abortion because they want to run off and have sex with another person that they're lying to should be pitied AND AVOIDED!

And of course she would tell a horrible tale.  Crazyx would tell a terrible tale too and some of it could even be true.  Some of the things I did in reaction to some of the things HE did made me feel like I should be in a straight jacket.  At the end, I didn't even recognize myself.  I had become a huge ball of confusion that was constantly in reactionary mode. I felt like I was in a war every day, just trying not to be snipered.  No wonder I was so depressed and debilitated. 

So... .  bottom line... .  the insanity has to stop... .  on both sides.  THEY can't/won't stop it so YOU have to and if that makes you the bad guy... .  big damn deal!

turtle

[seeking balance]

congrats for taking this big step - good job