Gone NC but ex turning up at my home

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

for those who don't know my story got with exBPD, after being apart for ten years. We spent 4yrs together, before I ended the relationship. I did this because I had too, as I had become a shell of myself.

I have child from previous relationship. We broke up 6 months ago. We had spent most of last year separated also.

During the first couple month's I allowed access to child with agreement with exBPD. After few weeks ExBPD tells me Professionals hav given a diagnosis of BPD to ex and ex is now seeing a therapist/psychiatrist  etc.

I find out this is a lie and in fact ex had received a diagnosis over 10Years ago but had kept it from me.  exBPD becomes inconsistent with child on numerous occasions I became concerned, advised ex but it continued. Added to mix I was becoming concerned for child's welfare during these access visits.

There has been constant abusive texts to me... .  I hoped this would stop it didn't, an attempt to recycle which was then kind of strangely detracted.

Then it goes all quiet and the whole cycle starts again. (promise to be consistent for child, never happens)

It came to the point ex was no longer seeing my child and no longer paying back the personal loan I had taken out for ex. Basically I felt the situation was abandoned on every level by Ex for weeks at a time then apologies would arrive etc. In the mean time I was painted Black to every single person Ex came into contact with. I lost friends, family members etc due to the awful lies that were told about me.

Ok, so now I have become educated to this disorder and have but NC in place changed number/email etc... .  about two weeks ago.

Then yesterday I answer door to find ExBPD standing there shaking crying... .  demanding to see child, have access there and then. Even though no access has been in place for over two months and exBPD knows why but these conversation seem to be erased from exBPD memory. ex Throws nasty things about me, my family, friends, person I am now in a relationship with. I try to close the front door advising ex not to do this again thank goodness child hears nothing but ex pushes door open and is shouting at me whilst keeping foot in my door way. I say I will call Police this does nothing to calm situation I managed to close door.

ExBPD is still shouting abuse and is threatening to contact biological parent of child to advise them of the horrible existence my child now has.

So to round this off I am still NC however I do live in a small town, and alone with child. My house is on a small road road looks directly into my living room. I now feel anxious.

Do I need to take some sort of action? Should I be further concerned is this escalating to a dangerous level?

I hate it has come to this, it is horrible and as shaken me up... .  

[must move on]

Hi all,

for those who don't know my story got with exBPD, after being apart for ten years. We spent 4yrs together, before I ended the relationship. I did this because I had too, as I had become a shell of myself.

I have child from previous relationship. We broke up 6 months ago. We had spent most of last year separated also.

During the first couple month's I allowed access to child with agreement with exBPD. After few weeks ExBPD tells me Professionals hav given a diagnosis of BPD to ex and ex is now seeing a therapist/psychiatrist  etc.

I find out this is a lie and in fact ex had received a diagnosis over 10Years ago but had kept it from me.  exBPD becomes inconsistent with child on numerous occasions I became concerned, advised ex but it continued. Added to mix I was becoming concerned for child's welfare during these access visits.

There has been constant abusive texts to me... .  I hoped this would stop it didn't, an attempt to recycle which was then kind of strangely detracted.

Then it goes all quiet and the whole cycle starts again. (promise to be consistent for child, never happens)

It came to the point ex was no longer seeing my child and no longer paying back the personal loan I had taken out for ex. Basically I felt the situation was abandoned on every level by Ex for weeks at a time then apologies would arrive etc. In the mean time I was painted Black to every single person Ex came into contact with. I lost friends, family members etc due to the awful lies that were told about me.

Ok, so now I have become educated to this disorder and have but NC in place changed number/email etc... .  about two weeks ago.

Then yesterday I answer door to find ExBPD standing there shaking crying... .  demanding to see child, have access there and then. Even though no access has been in place for over two months and exBPD knows why but these conversation seem to be erased from exBPD memory. ex Throws nasty things about me, my family, friends, person I am now in a relationship with. I try to close the front door advising ex not to do this again thank goodness child hears nothing but ex pushes door open and is shouting at me whilst keeping foot in my door way. I say I will call Police this does nothing to calm situation I managed to close door.

ExBPD is still shouting abuse and is threatening to contact biological parent of child to advise them of the horrible existence my child now has.

So to round this off I am still NC however I do live in a small town, and alone with child. My house is on a small road road looks directly into my living room. I now feel anxious.

Do I need to take some sort of action? Should I be further concerned is this escalating to a dangerous level?

I hate it has come to this, it is horrible and as shaken me up... .  

[sgifford2000]

I am in the same boat. The NCO expires in March. He has stayed away from my home and stopped stalking me while this is in place but the harassing texts have not stopped and he isn't taking it seriously. He thinks that since the judge ok'd 3rd party text about kids schedules, etc... that is ok for him to harass me.

How do I get him to take the order seriously? I think I need to file for another one before it expires.

[Sabine]

My immediate response to your post is, yes. I think you should get a restraining order on your ex because you feel threatened and there's a child involved. No one knows how far your ex will go, but I don't think you should not take it lightly. It sounds to me like your gut is telling you there's a possibility of danger and you should listen to it. Would you be able to get a restraining order?

Let us know how things go... .  

[Surnia]

So sorry, must move on! yes, this is scary. 

I agree very much with Sabine. Take it serious. A RO could be a good plan. And keep always your mobile phone with you.

[must move on]

I am in the same boat. The NCO expires in March. He has stayed away from my home and stopped stalking me while this is in place but the harassing texts have not stopped and he isn't taking it seriously. He thinks that since the judge ok'd 3rd party text about kids schedules, etc... that is ok for him to harass me.

How do I get him to take the order seriously? I think I need to file for another one before it expires.

Aw Sgifford2000, I am sorry to hear your getting same grief it is so painful and much harder to put boundaries in place when they have excuse of kids to contact you. My exBPD always used this a way to hurt or humiliate me or to try and draw me in to a argument of one sort or another where ex could then sling whatever crap came to mind (it was always personal about me or anyone I cared for). Luckily Ex was no biological parent so after letting my D down on many levels I felt it was safer to go very LC and then NC. It is not OK for him to harass you and mind yourself as this can as I know all to well wear you down. This situation would not be healthy for you or the kids. (Mind yourself) 

[must move on]

My immediate response to your post is, yes. I think you should get a restraining order on your ex because you feel threatened and there's a child involved. No one knows how far your ex will go, but I don't think you should not take it lightly. It sounds to me like your gut is telling you there's a possibility of danger and you should listen to it. Would you be able to get a restraining order?

Let us know how things go... .  

I was in our little town today when I saw  friend I was chatting when mate said" are you OK? you seem distracted"... .  I began to realize I was on edge in case I bumped into Ex or exBPD and there family members who seem to feel they can say whatever they like about me and take the opportunity to abuse me. It has happened before.

I have made enquires put with finance a problem I could be on a very Long waiting list!

[must move on]

So sorry, must move on! yes, this is scary. 

I agree very much with Sabine. Take it serious. A RO could be a good plan. And keep always your mobile phone with you.

Thank you Surnia yes I will keep phone on me. My email address has been hacked also  ( coincidence    Thinking about moving house put it seems pointless in such a small town as it would be easy to find out were I live. I was tense going to sleep last night sounds in house made me jump... .  and I feel annoyed at myself for being so weak... .  or at least that what I tell myself. I don't want to allow myself to feel nervous as I need to be strong for my D. I tell myself I am over reacting   It  will probably never happen again. Am I in some kind of denial... .  

Thank you all for you reply's it means a lot me that you would take the time to write and share also.

[Surnia]

Must move on 

Is there a possibility to stay with friends or family members for some days? I don't think you are overreacting.

Please take notes from all what happens. And stay in contact here with us.

[must move on]

Surnia,

thank you for your reply. I would have very limited support and I think if I did ask, I would be advised I was over reacting and if anything happens call Police ... .  I sounded it out with one person I could ask and this was the kinda vibe I got... .  which is why I turned here. It is easy for others to not feel how upsetting this is.

I am in conflict with myself about it, how worried I should be etc... .  

[Sabine]

  Must move on,

I don't think you're overeating at all! It's not okay that an abusive person from your past came to your property and forcibly harassed you, period.

You need to show your ex that you mean business. I have no idea how much it would cost to get a RO but could you go to the court and inquire? Maybe if you at least reported this person to the authorities, they could keep an eye out for you by patrolling your neighborhood and house. Just to be seen... .  

Living in fear and full of anxiety is no way to live, but it does not mean that you are weak. It's a primal instinct to protect ourselves and children. Who cares what anyone else thinks, if YOU feel you are in any danger, then you have to take certain measures.

Keep records of everything that seems suspicious and keep us posted... .  

[must move on]

Thank you so much for you replies. I am making further inquires and keeping notes on what has been happening.

I will let you know of any further updates.

Peace to you all