Does an intervention ever help?

[gottafixit]

My exBPDw has just put the nail in the coffin of her last surviving family member who would at least talk to her.  Because of something her sister said on facebook, she is now completely cutting her off, as she has with every other one of her large (6 brothers and sisters) family.  They all think she is just "crazy" and want nothing to do with her.  Some of them exhibit similar BPD traits, but at least survive in society.  I, on the other hand, am sympathetic to her because of my understanding of her illness.  Would an intervention even be a possibility?  I'm afraid it may lead to more serious isolation and don't want to make her worse?

[Surnia]

Honestly, I would not intervene. It could be make things worse. And I think it does not help you to detach from her, her family and the illness.

Could it be that you have still to much focus on her well being?

[gottafixit]

Thank you.  Yes, I still have too much focus on her well being.  It hurts to see someone you once loved suffering, miserable and alone every day of her life.

[bpdspell]

My exBPDw has just put the nail in the coffin of her last surviving family member who would at least talk to her.  Because of something her sister said on facebook, she is now completely cutting her off, as she has with every other one of her large (6 brothers and sisters) family.  They all think she is just "crazy" and want nothing to do with her.  Some of them exhibit similar BPD traits, but at least survive in society.  I, on the other hand, am sympathetic to her because of my understanding of her illness.  Would an intervention even be a possibility?  I'm afraid it may lead to more serious isolation and don't want to make her worse?

Gottafixit,

Is your wife seeking help for her disorder?

[seeking balance]

Thank you.  Yes, I still have too much focus on her well being.  It hurts to see someone you once loved suffering, miserable and alone every day of her life.

unfortunately, most people do not change w/o pain.

maybe this will spur your exw - but coming from you is only going to be you walking back into the savior role.  Stay focused on you... .  I know it is hard to watch.

[gottafixit]

Is she seeking help for her disorder?  What disorder? She thinks the rest of the world has the disorder - not her!

[bpdspell]

Gottafixit,

I would never tell you to abandon your wife but you will have a continual uphill battle trying to solve your wife's problem's for her. As painful as this may be to hear it's best to shift the focus of healing on yourself. Emotionally your may be addicted to saving and rescuing and this needs to be addressed if you really want to feel all around better about this situation. Your wife doesn't need an intervention. Your wife needs to feel the consequences of her actions. This isn't about punishing her; this is about knowing that it isn't within your power to fix mental illness.

All of us on here love and deeply care for our ex's. If someone would have created a BPD pill and told me I had to walk over hot coals to get it; I'd do it. This was how bad I needed my BPDex to be better for me. But this isn't reality. Here's a link that can help:

Helping a loved one with BPD seek treatment

Spell