Long distance for emotional needs and local people for physical needs?

[AllyCat7]

Is it common for pwBPD, especially the quiet/waif ones to use long-distance relationships to satisfy their emotional needs and local people to satisfy their physical needs?

The guy I was dealing with for the last two years was long distance until last August (working out of the country for a year before that). We had our issues, but we were emotionally strong. Once he moved close to me, everything changed. We didn't keep in touch as much, he went m.i.a. all the time, and the last time we hung out, although we didn't go all the way, I def felt like he was trying to use me as a booty call. I got the coldest vibe from him that last time. I called him out on it and he got even more distant. I know he has many girls on his roster and I've finally called him out on that, too (not in a harsh way, but enough to let him know that I knew what was up).

He moved to my city to be with me supposedly (I live on the East Coast and he's from the West Coast). And I caught him expressing his desire to move to L.A. recently, after which he re-added me to his FB and I saw a girl from L.A. all over it (which made me sick to my stomach). Once I made that connection, I thought back to when he was out of the county for the year and I saw girls from where he was popping up on his wall. When I questioned him on it, he blocked his wall. So I'm sure he was not faithful to me at all during the entire time we've been together (I even got first hand reports from other people), but I didn't know the extent or the pattern of it.

It seems like he follows girls to where they live once he falls for them, and then he freaks out from the intimacy and pulls these games. He ends up using different girls for different needs--Long-distance girls he spends more time with on the phone and Skype to fulfill his emotional needs (while still having that safe distance) and local girls to fulfill his physical needs. It's all so sick and twisted and makes me feel awful (even though we never went all the way). Thank God I never did that with him (due to religious reasons). I think he could tell the last time we hung out that he was never going to get all of it from me unless we were married, so that's why he backed off, too.

These people are so slick! I'm picking up on soo many warped realities and lies now that I'm out of the FOG. It's crazy.

Btw, I experienced something similar from my bf before him, too, who was a rager BPD and lived 4 hours away, but he was not nearly as bad and was emotionally close to me during the whole relationship.

[Joseph54]

Hi Ally,

I have been with many BPD women who were very much like your ex boyfriend.

I seemed to get attracted to them. I now realize that I need to change myself in order to become part of healthier relationships.

It is kind of helpful to know that, the poor choices I make reveal alot about who I am.

Joe

[LuckyEscapee]

I remember another member here saying that loving a pwBPD is like trying to fill a bucket full of holes, however much you pour, it's never enough.

This was certainly my experience. I suspect I was a decent source to fill him a little, but he needed/needs more than one person to try and fill the emptiness he has. I have been attempted recycled (it failed!) to supplement the emotional side as he is now out of town. He has a new local fiancée for the physical. So your theory makes sense to me and my experience.