How did you find out about BPD?

[faithfull]

What did you search for that made you find out about BPD?

I googled "chronic lying", and "manipulation" after the break up. I told her she needs to see a doctor before i know

anything about personality disorders.

[Mountaineagle]

When I left I did not know. For the first time since the trouble started maybe 3 1/2 years ago I told someone about what had happened. This led me to tell my doc. He mentioned that it sounded like BPD. So i searched BPD and came across an article on this site explaining in plain words what had happened. Finally I could make some sense of the crazyness I had been through. Im really new here, I have only known about BPD for three weeks now so I am learning so much everyday from reading your stories and the amazing knowledge that is here.

[waitaminute]

It was one of the phrases written in English on her notes that she self transcribed from her medical records.

[almost789]

I've always wondered how everyone found out. I found out by googling something like "cut off after breakup" then once I found borderline I started googling similar things with "borderline" and found hundreds of stories of people who were cut off.

[LuckyEscapee]

I too didn't know whilst in the relationship. My BPDex only eventually claimed he was suffering minor depression towards the end, when I begged him to get some help. Then came the hate onslaught. Then after he finally left town and my brain had a little space, I started trying to work out what the hell had happened?

I googled "unstable moods love hate" and found BPD and a lightbulb went on for me, then within minutes I found this forum and my healing truly began. I will be forever grateful for being able to benefit from you all.

[Clearmind]

Interesting Fact Sheet by Skip - especially the second Fact or Legend:

Most of the BPD partners described on the messageboard would not qualify as clinical BPD - but they have some traits.

Fact or Urban Lengend?

[AllyCat7]

Interesting question. I noticed odd behavior a year into the r'ship (which was a year ago). I mentioned it to my brother who said he thought my guy was a narcissist. I googled that and thought some of it fit, so I left it at that. We kept the r'ship going, though and I didn't use the info about narcissism in the r'ship or anything. It wasn't until 5 months after that when more weird stuff started happening, that I googled "narcissism" again and on one of those websites, I saw more personality disorders listed. When I read the description for BPD, I knew I finally figured it out (not only this guy but the one before him, too). It took me a minute to peg the current one because he is a silent BPD, but then I learned that that is another way BPD manifests, so it all made sense.

I tried to use some of that info to help me in the relationship. It gave me more patience. But things were still getting out of hand. We are barely together now and I am trying to focus on myself. But if he did ever want to do the full-blown r'ship thing again, I'll make sure to use some of the lessons. I need to get healthy first, though.

[goodguy]

Mine actually told me in a moment of depression. I had no idea what it was until I went home and looked it up. I was going to try to make it work provided she was in therapy, but she panicked and took up with a new guy within the week. That was a bad week.

[AllyCat7]

Mine actually told me in a moment of depression. I had no idea what it was until I went home and looked it up. I was going to try to make it work provided she was in therapy, but she panicked and took up with a new guy within the week. That was a bad week.

That's sad  Why do they panic? They don't even give us nons a chance sometimes, I swear.

Btw, that's a rhetorical question 

[nowwhatz]

I started checking into BPD after I kicked my exgf out of my house at the end of 2011. I had heard about BPD from an acquantance who had an exBPDgf.  I could not understand why that guy seemed so depressed and unable to 'get over' his ex. 

Almost 1 year later I was that guy.

When I totally unravelled last year after recycle Z I crash landed right here... .  on L3.  I started to educate myself about detaching from BPD.  Went through total hell. A complete breakdown where I was nearly dysfunctional for about 45 days.

So really I heard about BPD from an acquantance but learned about it here and got schooled from my ex about it .

[benny2]

I had wanted answers for years. I could'nt understand why this man kept pulling me in and then pushing me away. I thought it was something about me and all he would tell me is "its not you, its me". I prayed for answers one night and i kid you not, the very next day I came across a forum on a dating site purely by accident on borderline. I started to research  it and there were all my answers. The recycling, the lying, the cheating, the out rages, the fear of being alone, a classic case.

[FreeLizard]

Total luck (if you can call it that).

Me and my exBPDgf had had an argument, usual behavior, and it had left me in quite an emotional state.

I was looking for emotional songs as they usually help me feel better when I'm down and I came across the song 'Kettering' by 'The Antlers' (Beautiful band). I immediately connected to it, more so than with any other song, but I was not sure why. I looked up the meanings of some of their songs and one person said that the album was a metaphor for the singer's relationship with a girl with BPD. This lead me to reading about the disorder, and when I looked at the DSM it just made so much sense, an epiphany.

When we made up I unconciously decided to repress the thought, I didn't want it to be true, I wanted us to be together forever, and the stories I read of BPD were not compatible with that, so the epiphany disintegrated into the depths of my mind... .  

Until things began to get really worse, the devaluation stage. The idea of BPD would spring into my concious, but I would actively try to make it go away, I loved her, I needed her.

Then we broke up. I tried to get closure. I did not receive it. But I did get a nice dose of hatred. I came to this site, and many of the stories read almost entirely the same as mine, and although I can't be sure of her BPD, it makes too much sense.

:'(

[FogLight]

I was with her for around 5 years, didn't figure it out until only a couple of days after she broke it off.  Pure coincidence, someone mentioned the title "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me".  My first thought was "That sounds just like my ex."  I had a really weird gut feeling about it.  So naturally I had to ask what the book was about and was told BPD.  I started reading about BPD, people's stories, and had several "HOLY S***!" moments when I saw the endless similarities to my own story.  Crazy coincidence how I found out right after the breakup, but I'm glad for it because it helped me move on and now I pretty much have BPD-radar.  I only wish more people were aware of these crazy disorders.

[happiness68]

I started researching about depression about 6 months ago when we had a short 3 week break and my exbfBPD kept telling me he was broken and he just looked awful.  He also threatened suicide.  That amongst other symptoms that I'd come across.  I knew something was wrong from the start I guess, i just hadn't look into it.

[almost789]

Alleycat, i too was led to narcissm first. But while he had many of the characteristics of narcissism, he just didnt fit the main one, grandiosity. And he also didnt fit the cruelty with total lack of empathy. So i kept searching and i then found BPD through reading about narcissism.

[HarmKrakow]

As I am from the Netherlands my story which led me here is a bit different. I am a member of the biggest internet message boards in the Netherlands ( I think top 10 worldwide ) and was posting there on the relationship forums(!) about the behavior of my gf w BPD. And I specifically explained the phases our relationship went through and then a user posted me the article about; How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves... and it was a COMPLETE match. I saw this came from bpdfamily and et voila, here I am!

[spaceace]

My wife was sure her mother is a BPD person. My wife was always worried she had it herself. She would talk about it all the time. The thing is, she also behaved it as well. I can clearly see it now that we have been apart for nearly 3 months. I always knew there were issues with her. She always felt raw. Her words. Could not stand people. Everyone was out to get her. She was always having an issue with someone at work or her kids school or the school itself. I watched her go through numerous friendships and never understood why. Now I do. I have been confused on some of the issues of BPD with her, since I did not see all the traits listed for BPD. But there are enough there, the intense emotions, unstable relationships, crazy, angry driver. Spends money, but not excessively. Not sure about other relationships while we were married. I hope not! Her anger is a big one. She can unload and manipulate like no ones business. She cut out everyone in her family from her life except her daddy, which she won't because she owns a company with him and gets monies distributed from it by him. She has been in every therapy known to man and goes to 12 step programs, when it suits her.

Looking back on how she treated me, split me black, recycled and tore me down emotionally, I can see it clearly. I can even recall her splitting on her own kids. She would paint them black and be angry as mess at them. She would go into rages about something they did and I would have to endure the weekends when they were with their father, and it was never easy. It was like I needed to talk her off the cliff about her own kids! I feel sorry for them. I really do.

[faithfull]

After i learned about it, i told myself "ok this is going to be easy break up since i know i would be in lot of trouble if i have stayed". However, i missed the part that BPD break up is going to be brutally hard... .  Whatever i read about BPD was right on till now...