did you make the first advance or did the pwBPD make the advance

[BP39]

I ask this did you make the advance or did your pwBPD make the advances in the beginning.

For me it was her that spoke first wanted to know if I were new in town.then the texts the next day after I showed interest in our intial convo.

But now that im back thinking of starting something new its different the one I like I have to work for... (which is clearly a good thing)... .  and just hopefully not any signs of BPD... .  

[happiness68]

From the moment we met, it was my exbfBPD who pushed it all.  He wanted everything now.  I remember how I tried to slow it down and spent a lot less time with him than he really wanted.  However, at that time, it was ok as he lived about 45 minutes away.  He then moved in with his brother who lived about 5 minutes away from me, so it wasn't so easy.  It's strange you know, as I've always been a texter, but with him it was back to back.  I didn't really notice how insane it was at the time - probably because I liked the attention - it was almost childlike.  Also when he felt he wasn't getting the attention he needed down the line he would kick off - this started just 6 weeks into the relationship.  I should have seen the 

Why do you ask who started it BP39?

[HarmKrakow]

Yip my gf w BPD has been the one putting her claws in me. She has been the one initializing the very first convo's between her and me and never let go of me from that point.

Unfortunately I got sucked into it  :'(

[BP39]

@happiness68

Just wondering at times it seems like a lot of us had similar stories.and in the aftermath as we see them move along and repeat the same way they treated us

And at the same time if we are stepping out in the world of dating again kind of things we should look out for.

[Changed4safety]

Mine started... .  and pushed.  It was lovely to be so sought after.  It was long distance, we fell in love through an online game.  He confided in me his illnesses (type I diabetes with neuropathy and also bipolar II supposedly and PTSD) and told me once when I was visiting and he was upset about something and I helped him calm down, "See what you do to me?  Five minutes with you, and all is right with my world." 

       

[freshlySane]

Mine started... .  and pushed.  It was lovely to be so sought after.  It was long distance, we fell in love through an online game.  He confided in me his illnesses (type I diabetes with neuropathy and also bipolar II supposedly and PTSD) and told me once when I was visiting and he was upset about something and I helped him calm down, "See what you do to me?  Five minutes with you, and all is right with my world." 

       

is PTSD common among them mine has PTSD she doesnt get help for that either

[jdcthunder14]

Had no idea what was up with what happened to me at the time but I get it now. She had just broke up with her boyfriend. I found out later after I was replaced that she cheated on him as she did me. So she comes up to me at work and springs the breakup news on me. At this point we were nothing but pass in the hallway friends (We worked at a school) in no way close enough to warrant that sort of personal info. So it was right at that point she was starting with me. I found out later that she had a very hard time being alone... .  including SIB and panic attacks. So what she was doing was to try to get me in her life before she had to deal with being alone.

[Changed4safety]

They just can't deal with being alone.  They simply can't.  At least mine can't. 

[HarmKrakow]

Mine started... .  and pushed.  It was lovely to be so sought after.  It was long distance, we fell in love through an online game.  He confided in me his illnesses (type I diabetes with neuropathy and also bipolar II supposedly and PTSD) and told me once when I was visiting and he was upset about something and I helped him calm down, "See what you do to me?  Five minutes with you, and all is right with my world." 

       

is PTSD common among them mine has PTSD she doesnt get help for that either

Mine also has PTSD, and didn't look for help, however I pushed her to seek help She went 7 times. Then never went again unfortunately ...

[nylonsquid]

From the moment we met, it was my exbfBPD who pushed it all.  He wanted everything now.  I remember how I tried to slow it down and spent a lot less time with him than he really wanted.  However, at that time, it was ok as he lived about 45 minutes away.  He then moved in with his brother who lived about 5 minutes away from me, so it wasn't so easy.  It's strange you know, as I've always been a texter, but with him it was back to back.  I didn't really notice how insane it was at the time - probably because I liked the attention - it was almost childlike.  Also when he felt he wasn't getting the attention he needed down the line he would kick off - this started just 6 weeks into the relationship.  I should have seen the 

^ This.

I got lost in her innocense and vulnerability. I ignored warning signs because I didn't see how deep they went. I thought to myself how this girl needs some work to do. I was with her, patient and understanding though frustrated. I never went all in and told her I loved her because it was too fast. I knew it needed time. She had no patience and dumped one night after 5 months of being together. I was stunned because she seemed so attached and in love. I never thought someone could throw away a relationship like this; lots of happy moments but not without bumps. I told her, 'okay, I don't deserve this' (like a healthy normal person would) but the strange reasons she had never made sense and to add she kept texting me, crying and saying how much she cared about me. I thought maybe I was the problem, feeding her insecurity and needed to go 'all in' rather than be nonchalant and easy going about things. That was my fall. I gave so much and it backfired.

[happiness68]

BP39 - I will never EVER get into another r/s with a BPD.  It's too much heartache once it's over. In fact, it was heartache all the way through.  I think I thought maybe it was me and I was being too protective of myself, but it was never me.  I know that now. 

@happiness68

Just wondering at times it seems like a lot of us had similar stories.and in the aftermath as we see them move along and repeat the same way they treated us

And at the same time if we are stepping out in the world of dating again kind of things we should look out for.