Fear of failure

[Parents! Get help here!]

Working to move beyond my fears today - I am realizing how these keep me so stuck and distressed and unavailable to not fail.

DD wants to plant her sprouted pot seeds - asking me to buy organic potting soil. My reflex response it - sure but they can't be growing in  this house.  :)h called me on this today - how inconsistent a message is that! Saying yes and no in same breath.  So have to talk to her later today with consistent message - in a way that she can hear.

School called to schedule next meeting for gd7 - she is not making academic progress with current intervention plan. Considering staffing for special education. I am overwhlemed by how this system failed DD26, in this same school, 20 years ago. So have to first let go of the past. Gd is not DD. Have to find my tools to help everyone focus on gd's many strengths and that she is a very sensitive child needing a different path to learning. Can this even be provided in the particular school. Seems to me the administration in this school has overfocus on maintaining high score on government madated standardized test scores. Will see what team has to say. I need to be prepared. I am so resistant - say 'i am tired' - this is really pshychological fatigue - "I don't want to go thru this all again".

Have appts. with pdoc and T tomorrow. Parent conference next week. Team meeting week after. Need to put this process as my primary energy focus right now.

Letting go of DD's needs - she is now seeing exbf that recently got out of jail for assaulting her last June. There is still no contact order. Let it go, let it go. Do I just listem without comment when she shares this is where she was. Sounds like he is doing OK - back in community college, living with his family and "has his own room finally" - I care about this person that lived in my home for 10 months. Maybe he is getting mental health treatment under his probation, and he is working at it. Will being with DD derail his progress? Maybe DD is right - I show care to her friends more easily than to her. Maybe it is just easier to relate to others than to her.  let it go, let it go.

So easy to get distracted by DD - old habits are so hard to replace.

qcr  

[qcarolr]

Working to move beyond my fears today - I am realizing how these keep me so stuck and distressed and unavailable to not fail.

DD wants to plant her sprouted pot seeds - asking me to buy organic potting soil. My reflex response it - sure but they can't be growing in  this house.  :)h called me on this today - how inconsistent a message is that! Saying yes and no in same breath.  So have to talk to her later today with consistent message - in a way that she can hear.

School called to schedule next meeting for gd7 - she is not making academic progress with current intervention plan. Considering staffing for special education. I am overwhlemed by how this system failed DD26, in this same school, 20 years ago. So have to first let go of the past. Gd is not DD. Have to find my tools to help everyone focus on gd's many strengths and that she is a very sensitive child needing a different path to learning. Can this even be provided in the particular school. Seems to me the administration in this school has overfocus on maintaining high score on government madated standardized test scores. Will see what team has to say. I need to be prepared. I am so resistant - say 'i am tired' - this is really pshychological fatigue - "I don't want to go thru this all again".

Have appts. with pdoc and T tomorrow. Parent conference next week. Team meeting week after. Need to put this process as my primary energy focus right now.

Letting go of DD's needs - she is now seeing exbf that recently got out of jail for assaulting her last June. There is still no contact order. Let it go, let it go. Do I just listem without comment when she shares this is where she was. Sounds like he is doing OK - back in community college, living with his family and "has his own room finally" - I care about this person that lived in my home for 10 months. Maybe he is getting mental health treatment under his probation, and he is working at it. Will being with DD derail his progress? Maybe DD is right - I show care to her friends more easily than to her. Maybe it is just easier to relate to others than to her.  let it go, let it go.

So easy to get distracted by DD - old habits are so hard to replace.

qcr  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Another thought pops up:

Half of gd's class is in an ILP - individual literacy plan - with extra reading support through small group with literacy specialist. What is up with the classroom teaching that so many need extra support?

Frustration with level of homework - that gd has not learned yet in school. Homework needs to be practice for what is learned in school - not learning it at home. How do I communicate this?  Well, just remember to say it!

Ask if there is school in district that provides smaller class size as regular classroom. Important goal is to prevent gd feeling singled out as time goes by - this is primary concern shared by DD. And to avoid putting her in with EBT population (emotional/behavioral). This led DD to bonding with really dysfunctional peers, that are still her friends or similar to her friends.

Need to continue to find a running partner for gd - this is her favorite activity. Many running clubs - how to find one that is not too competitive and affordable. Or finding a mentor to run with her. Have been working on this, but nothing happening yet.

Thanks for being my soudning board as I try to organize all my thinking.

Late for work - gotta go for now.

qcr

[peaceplease]

qccr,

Can you send her to another school district?  Does your state have vouchers to attend a school of your choice?  I understand all of your concerns.

It is hard for me not to make a comment when my dd shares info with me.(that I really don't want to know)  It was really hard when she was talking about wanting another child by the time she turns 32.   You are so right about the old habits.   

I give you so much credit for raising your gd.  I worry that if anything happened to my dd that I may be put in that position some day.  And, I see my gs has a lot of traits that my dd has.  On a positive note,  I am more educated now.  I would be more prepared to handle situations.   You  have the skills now with your gd, that you did not have with your dd.

Keeping you dd and gd in my prayers.  

 

peaceplease

[griz]

qcarol:

I don't know if this would help but my advocate use to have me make index cards and bring them with me to school meetings.  I would flip them over once I felt that we had covered, dealt with and had a solution to each one.

An other note, is their a high school in your area.  You might be able to reach out to the track coach and get your gd a running coach.  The high school kids can use this on their resume for college and it's free.

Griz

[qcarolr]

Peaceplease - thanks for the prayers and support. I do know what to do - just keeping the focus and getting the rest to do it.

Griz - the index card idea is great. I think I will put some in my purse or pocket to have handy when thoughts pop up.  I am not sure how to screen high schoolers. Maybe I can ask some of my friends at church with kids in that age group - some that have babysitting or other parent references to check out.

So I bought DD a little 'quick grow' peat pot thing today. We will plant some other herbs, and see if her pot plants grow. So hard to just stomp on her. I accept that pot is a part of her lifestyle, and it is legal for her to have up to 6 plants. If they get big enought to stink, she knows they have to be out of my house.

Keep prayin for her SSI to come through and her to get her own place! That is my survival fantasy.

qcr