Advise

[dmiller]

I am new to this and want to thank everyone on here. It finally seems I have found somewhere to help me gain more knowledge of BPD. My H is UBPD and has an upcoming appointment for evaluation. Any advise? And any suggestions on what to expect for the appointment. My UHBPD is concerned over being giving medications that he might not need. But he is willing to try whatever they suggest. 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

I have no advise on the upcoming appointment, but I'm really glad to hear that your husband is seeking help.  If the therapist is qualified and experienced treating BPD, I wouldn't expect that they would arbitrarily give out drugs without seeing him several times and getting a good history (unless he's severely depressed and an anti-depressant is prescribed early on as they take a couple of weeks to see marked improvement) 

Best of luck to you both and keep us posted!

[Aundrea]

I found that after the appointment my DBPD partner became very depressed. He said it was hard, as for the last 35 yrs he has been living his life wrong and everything he has done is wrong. So he took it very hard.

My best advice is to look after yourself. You can't change his way of thinking, however if you look after yourself, you will be emotionally stronger and able to cope with the fall out (if there is any).

As for the medication, he will be a bit reluctant, as to my partner it's a blow to his ego as its admitting something is 'wrong' and he is not in control... .  

Take it one day and one step at a time. Look up the tools on validation and don't argue back and buy into any blame games (if he becomes unstable after any diagnosis). The tools on this site really help. Look after yourself and take care

[dmiller]

Thank you to both replies. I will give updates as we go. Yes, I have found that one day at a time is so much easier. Thank you for your comments.

[Cloudy Days]

My advise is to be patient. As long as he is going he will make progress. It takes a lot of time to start seeing it but it does creep up on you. 4 months into my husband getting treatment I thought it was a waste of money. Once they start tearing into some of the deeper issues he has you will see a regression but it is only temporary. It's taken a long time for him to become the mess that he probably is, it's also going to take some time to learn how to become this new person. My husband has still not tried medication yet, he's been given scripts but is always apprehensive to take them. He has however shown a lot of improvement without meds. So they are not always needed.

[dmiller]

Thank you Cloudy Days, that gives me hope. And yes, yes he does have a lot to clean up before becoming the new person. There are some techniques that we have actually tried on our own and they are seems to work to calm things down. And I can somewhat understand about the meds bc I wouldn't want to be on something that I didn't feel myself when taking it. But he is open right now, we will see when the appointment gets here. And we are okay with them not giving something to begin with, if that's how they see it needs to be. My spouse came from a abusive childhood. He was adopted at 5. So before that he was abused in every kind of was possible. And then he has the abandonment issues. It would be interesting to know how many people with this has that type of background, of neglect as a child and abuse. Thank you.

[elemental]

Your avatar is seriously cute!

Anyway, the best thing I learned is to detach from their actions as much as you can so the effects do not go deep into you and hurt you at a core level.

And take care of yourself by giving yourself breaks and doing things that keep you sane and refreshed.

[Cloudy Days]

And take care of yourself by giving yourself breaks and doing things that keep you sane and refreshed.

Yes! This is very important, if you don't do something for you, you get lost in the madness. See your family or friends, go for walks, do a hobby that you love. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you enjoy it for you.