Anything worse?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I know there are lots of people in the world who deal with major issues - starvation, disease, having their lives and property ruined by natural disasters etc.

But in a life where none of that has (thankfully) happened I cannot imagine anything worse than putting every ounce of trust in someone who begged for trust and forgiveness and having it destroyed time and time again. 

I am not too proud to say that there are plenty of days where I wish I could find the off switch.   Every ounce of interest in life that I had has gone.   I am a shell of the happy fun guy I once was.   I am starting therapy in a few weeks - earliest I could get in to see anyone but what happens if I find that that does not do enough to bring me out of how I am feeling. 

What then? 

Having her cheat on me with her ex was tough, then having her cheat with my replacement was tougher but having her blame me for it all going from calling me he angel to a nightmare within days from having her talk about our future family to telling me to get out f her lire within days and to have her dump me cold with no willingness to talk after I went through 20 months supporting her through things that she said she was a coward about is utterly incomprehensible.  My head knows it is BPD but she has her enablers to protect her stories.

I've tried for a year.   I don't know how to make the hurt stop. 

[really]

I know there are lots of people in the world who deal with major issues - starvation, disease, having their lives and property ruined by natural disasters etc.

But in a life where none of that has (thankfully) happened I cannot imagine anything worse than putting every ounce of trust in someone who begged for trust and forgiveness and having it destroyed time and time again. 

I am not too proud to say that there are plenty of days where I wish I could find the off switch.   Every ounce of interest in life that I had has gone.   I am a shell of the happy fun guy I once was.   I am starting therapy in a few weeks - earliest I could get in to see anyone but what happens if I find that that does not do enough to bring me out of how I am feeling. 

What then? 

Having her cheat on me with her ex was tough, then having her cheat with my replacement was tougher but having her blame me for it all going from calling me he angel to a nightmare within days from having her talk about our future family to telling me to get out f her lire within days and to have her dump me cold with no willingness to talk after I went through 20 months supporting her through things that she said she was a coward about is utterly incomprehensible.  My head knows it is BPD but she has her enablers to protect her stories.

I've tried for a year.   I don't know how to make the hurt stop. 

[hithere]

Ultimately we are each responsible for our own happiness, so you need to go to therapy and try and rebuild your life (and your former self), you can be that person again.  Time will heal and if you work on yourself you will end up in a normal happy relationship. Think positive and take steps to move on with your life!

[waitaminute]

just read the posts here and the resources written by professionals that are linked all around the site. You arn't alone. And I guess the big thing is ... .  you can't take it personally. She didnt see the person that was you. She only saw what she could get from you. . They internalize their feelings like 3 year olds. You can't expect much in the way of a "relationship". That's the way it was for all of us... .  in varying degrees.

[seeking balance]

 

Having her cheat on me with her ex was tough, then having her cheat with my replacement was tougher but having her blame me for it all going from calling me he angel to a nightmare within days from having her talk about our future family to telling me to get out f her lire within days and to have her dump me cold with no willingness to talk after I went through 20 months supporting her through things that she said she was a coward about is utterly incomprehensible.  My head knows it is BPD but she has her enablers to protect her stories.

I've tried for a year.   I don't know how to make the hurt stop. 

I went through this story too... .  along with a messy divorce for about a year after that only served to cost us each money as we ended up settling with the same amount I had offered the year before.

Time, tears, therapy, meds if you need them... .  but what helped the most for me was setting a goal for yourself that is NOT related to BPD or recovery.   I did the 3 day/60 mile walk.  I have heard of others doing marathons or 5K's... .  something about you that you can control.

It doesn't make all the pain go away, but it does start to rebuild a sense of trust in ourselves. 

Posititive affirmations is another thing that has worked well for some.  Ultimately, we have to "just keep swimming" like in Finding Nemo - this is our life, sometimes life is not fair.  I am not just spouting words here... .  I actively do these things even when I don't "feel" like it.  It gets better.

Peace,

SB