It's like doing drugs

[Wraith]

That's exactly how it felt with my BPDex. That kind of thing where you know it's not helathy anymore, your better self tells you that it has to stop, but the lure of sex, its convenience, the fact that it was an outlet to fulfill all your sexual fantasies, was such a strong tempatation to resist.

I've heard of how one can get attached to someone as if they were a "drug", but man, a BPD experience sure cuts the cake. In fact, I think it's exactly like taking drugs. It (she) becomes an obsession, that turns into an addiction, that in turn affects your physical and mental state, making you view yourself and the world differently.

I'm really glad that I was able to part ways, as I am starting to "see normal" again. It also helps for me to try to nitpick on the little details of my "druggy days with my BPDex" that I could actually use in real life. In my opinion, I feel that there are some positive things to pick up even from a BPD relationship, since after all, it still is a relationship. And I think that all failed relationships have something to offer as far as learning is concerned.

But did anybody else feel like they were doing drugs?

[BentNotBroken]

Never did drugs, but I do know that it is not actually the drugs that give the "high"-- it is how they alter the brain chemistry. Basically, the high is a product of your brain, not of the drug itself. We associate the feeling with something external, and each go-around reinforces the conditioning. It is probably why we can become addicted to something that is not actually physically addictive. What is going on inside our brain is a rush of endorphins and other "feel-good" neurotransmitters that we become "addicted" to.

Some of the most amazing, incredible experiences of my life have come from feeling bad, also. Ride out the urge to get back on "The Lightning" and heal yourself.

[Wooddragon]

the addiction is to the seratonin 'rushes' during the idealisation phase imo.  but as with most things, what goes up must come down... .  

[nolisan]

I have been clean of crack for 8 years. Sober for 4. Smoke free for 3 weeks.

Withdrawal from 1 year BPD rs is the hardest thing I have ever gone through - still jonesing at 15 weeks NC!

She told (warned) me at the beginning that past lovers had a hard time "letting her go". More like "recovering from her"!

There should be rehabs specializing in recovering from BPD rs

That's exactly how it felt with my BPDex. That kind of thing where you know it's not helathy anymore, your better self tells you that it has to stop, but the lure of sex, its convenience, the fact that it was an outlet to fulfill all your sexual fantasies, was such a strong tempatation to resist.

I've heard of how one can get attached to someone as if they were a "drug", but man, a BPD experience sure cuts the cake. In fact, I think it's exactly like taking drugs. It (she) becomes an obsession, that turns into an addiction, that in turn affects your physical and mental state, making you view yourself and the world differently.

I'm really glad that I was able to part ways, as I am starting to "see normal" again. It also helps for me to try to nitpick on the little details of my "druggy days with my BPDex" that I could actually use in real life. In my opinion, I feel that there are some positive things to pick up even from a BPD relationship, since after all, it still is a relationship. And I think that all failed relationships have something to offer as far as learning is concerned.

But did anybody else feel like they were doing drugs?

[HarmKrakow]

detox from BPD is indeed one of the worst things there are.

Why? Because that honeymoon phase only happens once, and since then in the r/s u only try to do whatever u can to chase that initial high, but whatever you try you never get there again (and let all your boundaries slip and become an emotionally     ed up goofball)

[Wraith]

nolisan - "recovering from her"! - Haha! Man, I agree, there really should be rehabs specializing on recovering from BPD relationships. It pretty much ~s you up the same some drugs can. it changes your view on life, on yourself, and even changes you physically due to all the stress. Good job though on being clean from the actual drugs!

harmkrakow - You got that right. After great sex with her, I'd want more, but it wouldn't be as good. So I'd do it again, trying new stuff. It'd be good, but still lacking. So I'd want it again. It was a never ending cycle.

[trevjim]

You are spot on wraith, there is something really fulfilling having someone adore you, and having the most intense sex ever, and when its gone you do have withdral symptoms. I guess the hardest part for me is being scared ill never have those 'highs' again.

[Wraith]

trevjim - Know exactly watcha mean man. In fact I've had sex a couple of times after I split with my ex, and I must say that it does seem that I won't be able to find sex the way me and my BPDex had it. But I found this a few days back on the boards, that can give us some hope, hehe:

From a certain NCBob, hope you don't mind me reposting:

I never thought I would have better sex with anyone than my exdBPDgf... .  I really thought that. Boy was I wrong. In fact, my sex life with my girlfriend today is WAY better... .  and it certainly equals the passion and intimicy of the BPD ex. But my GF's interest to make me happy knows no bounds... .  I think I'm not 100% there for her like I was for the BPD, so I'm a little challenging for the GF. In fact, my BPD experience prepared me to handle a woman like I'm with now.

I'll make a long story short, there IS better out there for all of you. You just have to find it. Your experience has turned you into an amazing lover... .  and give and you shall receive. But don't give to the BPD, give to someone who will give back what they get... .  it is truly wonderful - the real world is!

I can see his point. I guess it's not exactly always the intensity or "porntensity" (LOL) of the sex, but rather, the connection you two have in bed, coupled with real love. And when we find the right girl, we'll be feeling exactly the same as NCBob I guess

Funny too how he says "In fact, my BPD experience prepared me to handle a woman like I'm with now". I can understand that, knowing that once we do get over this whole ordeal we're going through, I guess we can pretty much handle anything and even better?   

[trevjim]

I agree, the positives from it, are that i am more experianced with the emotional side, and the physical side of the relationship. I feel i have alot of love to give, and feel i wont take anyone for granted

[Wraith]

Right on brother! As for me, the positives I got was being able to realize the good I had, and the humongous heart I harbored, before I lost them during the relationship. Yeah, the 1.5 year relationship I had pretty much made me doubt myself so much, and see things through her deluded eyes, that I kinda lost my identity.

When i look back though at what I was before and at the start of the relationship, I realize all the sincere love I had then, which I wouldn't give much attention to. Now that I lost it, I realize how important it was. Now all I need to do is get it back

[happiness68]

I've never tried drugs, but I had to laugh a little when I read your subject, as I honestly can describe it as going through cold turkey must be like, i.e. coming off of drink/drugs.  It's just that!

[Wraith]

Yep! That's pretty much what it is!   

[trouble11]

Aside from a little weed here and there throughout my life I've not done drugs either ... .  but I sure feel and look like it right now.  I look like I've aged 10 years in the last 3.  The stress has really taken a toll.  I also feel like my mind has been damaged from the DRUG.  The spring before I got together with exBPDbf I got my pilots license (cert).  It was nothing for my to plan and execute a flight across the country.  5.5 years later I seriously have trouble making out a grocery list.   :'(   It's like they get in your head and you spend so much time consumed by them that other parts of your brain atrophy.  This is one of the things I'm the most angry about!  Anybody else feel like your IQ has dropped about 50 points?

[trevjim]

Aside from a little weed here and there throughout my life I've not done drugs either ... .  but I sure feel and look like it right now.  I look like I've aged 10 years in the last 3.  The stress has really taken a toll.  I also feel like my mind has been damaged from the DRUG.  The spring before I got together with exBPDbf I got my pilots license (cert).  It was nothing for my to plan and execute a flight across the country.  5.5 years later I seriously have trouble making out a grocery list.   :'(   It's like they get in your head and you spend so much time consumed by them that other parts of your brain atrophy.  This is one of the things I'm the most angry about!  Anybody else feel like your IQ has dropped about 50 points?

This is the harderst part for me, trying to get her out my head, everything either reminds me of her, or i find myself day dreaming about her, and alot of my dreams are about her. Im trying to forget about her but my mind wont let me

[HarmKrakow]

Aside from a little weed here and there throughout my life I've not done drugs either ... .  but I sure feel and look like it right now.  I look like I've aged 10 years in the last 3.  The stress has really taken a toll.  I also feel like my mind has been damaged from the DRUG.  The spring before I got together with exBPDbf I got my pilots license (cert).  It was nothing for my to plan and execute a flight across the country.  5.5 years later I seriously have trouble making out a grocery list.   :'(   It's like they get in your head and you spend so much time consumed by them that other parts of your brain atrophy.  This is one of the things I'm the most angry about!  Anybody else feel like your IQ has dropped about 50 points?

This is the harderst part for me, trying to get her out my head, everything either reminds me of her, or i find myself day dreaming about her, and alot of my dreams are about her. Im trying to forget about her but my mind wont let me

Yeah I do feel IQ has dropped 50 points, if not more. The getting out of the head is the biggest issue, by far and a long shot. How do you get out of it? Not by moving on because thats ~ing hard however by doing something completely different which you haven't done before.

Smash ... .      ing through ... it!

[trouble11]

My concern is ... .    what if the damage is permanent?  What if I get him out of my head and pull things back together, but after the years of not using my brain for other things I can't get back to where I was.  Anybody have any experience with this?

[SarahinMA]

I still have issues ruminating about him and us over a year later.  Friends don't understand it, but his constant idealization was such a fix- one like I've never felt with anyone ever and one that I now understand to be unhealthy.  Still, will I ever be able to let someone in like I did him again?  I'm not sure.  I'd never felt that level of infatuation for anyone. 

[waitaminute]

I was lucky. Even though I lost everything, I'm able to see some light at the end of the tunnel because only the final 9 months of the 3 year rs was "in person"... .  The earlier part being long distance. Even the final 9 months were just monthly visits lasting 4 to 8 days each. The addiction is hard to break and i've transfered the addiction to other bad (but legal) behavior now. I can't imagine how hard it is for you guys with so many "in person" memories. But therapy and inner strength is the solution. Oh...   did I mention... .  Having the right partner helps.

[Slowlybutsurely]

I wanted to respond about our brains recovering, and hopefully our IQs too. 

Our IQs will eventually return, with some work. After the breakup, I didn't and couldn't read a book for over a year. Seriously, my brain just could not do it. I couldn't think of anything except how badly I felt, and all my brain cells were occupied reliving the relationship, ruminating, trying to figure her/it all out, once and for all. Almost a year later, I was in a bookstore and finally had the will to pick up a book and at least read the back cover. It was amazing that I could do that again!

Seriously, your brain will recover. Mine did. I'm a college teacher, and my brain works just fine now, after having time to recover. Just hang in there, and be good to yourself. It will all come back eventually. In fact, I feel 'smarter' than I ever was before, given how much I learned about myself, mental illness, personality disorders, people, relationships, etc. I can't say it was worth it, but I am not the same person I once was, in a good way. In some bad ways too, emotionally, but I'm working on that too, and it will take time.

 

[trouble11]

Thanks SBS ... .  I know it might sound silly, but I really have been freaking out about this.  It doesn't help that my mom has dementia and Alzheimers and know I've put myself in this position and feel like I've lost some of my faculties because of it.  So thanks for the much needed, reassuring words.   

[Slowlybutsurely]

 

When you feel up to it again, get back into the things you used to love, and learn new things. That's the best!