Being a victim

[freshlySane]

I read this in the lessons and it opened my eyes its terrifying to see but i am on this cycle and I want to be off of it I realized from what people told me in my last post that i need to take responsibility for my own actions my involvement in the torture i feel

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108384.0

[Rose Tiger]

The question I had to ask myself was why did I stay so long?  (I stayed a long time).  When you start exploring that, you learn a lot about yourself.  It's also a matter of forgiving yourself, too.

[MaybeSo]

 There is a lot to learn in the Karpman Drama Triangle. This is where the real juice and the real healing (our own) starts. You are asking some really good questions, questions about you! This is healthy. Healing is a slow process, be kind to yourself, and go slowly.

[almost789]

Thanks for refreshing this Freshlysane! I loved this description of the triangle. I too read it a while back. I've seen myself in all three roles during the dysfunction. Persecuter first, then rescuer, then persecuter, then victim, then back to rescuer, persecuter, then victim... .  until I finally exited the triagle and left the dysfunction. It took me a bit to move out. Nothing happens until you see this yourself so good for you for relating to this. It's also important not to play the persecutor in other peoples lives, so remember that too. Where are you in the triangle currently?

[seeking balance]

Great Lesson Freshly Sane - thank you for sharing it here!

When I first read this, I realized my role and that I had been just as guilty of doing this to after a few years with my ex.  .

I would start saying things like - what does your therapist say about this - rather than setting real boundaries.

NOW - triangulation (read definition) is something I notice many people do and the way I handle it is to not let myself get involved... .  well, most of the time 

I am so happy to see you bringing the lessons in for discussion - kudos to you!

[freshlySane]

I am the victim blaming her for me being in this state but know i now i blame myself not for hurtful ways but for me accepting it, it came from a place of fear and love fear of losing her and love for her.  I am stepping out the triangle i rather not play the roles anymore. this way i can heal and grow and find real love.

[Rose Tiger]

That's the key, to remain center and grounded no matter what is going on around us.  Letting others have their feelings without stepping in to fix, it's healthier to validate.  Be a mirror, not a sponge.  It's not easy at first, takes a lot of practice.