It really DOES get better, it does

[Slowlybutsurely]

Hi Friends!

I've been marveling lately that it seems that it really and truly is honestly and genuinely getting better for me. And I almost can't believe it, and keep waiting to get sucked back into the grief and depression and soul-sucking awfulness that I experienced for over a year trying to get over the ex.

It's been a year and four months since I cut off all contact with her, and almost a year since I've bumped into her. What a difference this time has made!

I honestly thought I may never get over her. But it seems I have. It has become impossible for me to conjure sweet memories of her anymore, since all my memories of her are now interlaced with the knowledge that she was lying or manipulating on some level, which she surely was.

I am almost ready to start thinking of dating!

I've been reading so many sad stories on this board of people who have just gotten out, or who are white knuckling it. That was me for over a year. It was as bad as all of you are writing. The most difficult thing I've experienced emotionally by far. And my relationship only lasted a year.

So, if you just recently got out, or are contemplating it, or whatever, just know that it gets better, eventually. It might take about ten times longer than you think it should, but eventually it gets better. Lots of work on my part to get here, but I've kept strict NC, and for me that's been essential to get out of the FOG and see her clearly, which is not a pretty sight.

Hugs to all of you.    

[Vinnie]

Thanks Slowly, your encouragement helps!  

I'm definitely white knuckling it.  

I just read a recovery blog about how long it takes to recover from a breakup. Some therapists say that it takes a year for every 5 that you were together!

I'm hoping it won't take more than a couple... .  

[Surnia]

sbs,

Great to hear! 

Sounds like you did a great job, with patience and work on your own.

Thank you so much for sharing. 

[benny2]

Thanks for the insight. You are right, you have to stay NC and I'm just hoping that he will leave me alone because I'm not sure if I'm strong enough yet, but its only been 2 weeks NC, so theres still work to be done. Better days are ahead!

[Changed4safety]

Thank you for this reassurance.   

[Clearmind]

SBS    It really does get better! I am pleased you feel good about you.

[bb12]

great post SBS

I have monitored your posts for ages - because of how similar your story (and timing) is to my own

And it really does get better doesn't it?

For me, if I allow myself to dwell for too long I can fall back down the rabbit hole and feel the pain as sharply as when the break-up happened

So I can stop myself now - from doing that. And I feel I have all these new techniques and coping methods that can help me to NOT tumble over that edge.

And then, a few months ago a kind of gratitude crept in - and I was glad this awful thing happened to me. Following that, my recovery sped up.

Oh, I can have strange days... .  but it really is two steps forward one back.

But after 12 months I can report being a long, long way from the shell-shocked victim I once was. I can see my stuff. And I can see the illness for what it is and not take it personally.

The growth that this stuff brings is revenge enough too. We don't need to wish our exes ill. Whether they ever become aware of their issues or not (probably not), they will not grow like we can and did. They won't know what to avoid when going into the next one. Theirs is a life of rinse, repeat. Ours is own of growth, and development, and choice.

And beyond a certain point, we get to choose to be happy

x

bb12

[beachgirl009]

I had to say I'm nine months out and it is tremendously better. NC has been essential for me. As much as my friends and family don't understand it, I am not angry at my ex and I do hold out hope that one day he will get it together and find some happiness (just won't be with me!).