ex on plenty of fish...

[Welshhibby]

Hi Guys,

Incase you arent aware of my story... .  broke up with ex start of july after 14 months... .  she ended it with me.

Started dating recently and other than a rubbish christmas and new year been feeling not bad. I was looking at plenty of fish just to keep my options open and I think I have seen her profile. Im not 100% but it sounds like her and the photo is from a distance... she has shades on but i think its her.

The profile... well the lying continues... .  shes 38 this year but it says shes 34 !

Longest relationship its says 2 years... its actually 12 ! (the guy before me)

Her hair has changed from blonde to brown and shes lost weight... .  few things about going to south amercia last year and she is running...

I actually felt a bit uneasy looking at it... and pissed off that she seems to be looking well and having a decent life... .  I'm still thinking about her after 7 months. I really didnt want an "update" on her... .  anyone have a similar experience or any comments ?

Thanks

[trevjim]

Ye i find it hard to stop looking at her facebook, and seeing how happy she is with the guy she got with a day after we broke up, on face value they have everything i tried so hard to get from my relationship with her.

I guess at the end of the day its pointless looking at their profiles and they are not exactly going to put bad things on it are they?

[nolisan]

A month after the final betrayl and abandonment I was browsing a dating site and ... .  there was her profile!

It had be up for the whole year we were in what I thought was a committed relationship. Now I wonder what she was up to during the "time outs" she would suddenly impose.

It really creeped me out and still does. She always bragged about her exceptional "ethics" but that was all BS. I kick myself now for believing her crap.

Glad she is gone!

[AllyCat7]

Well, being that she is on plenty o fish, I wouldn't say she's exactly feeling spectacularly. I mean clearly she's still looking for something she'll never find. And if she hasn't found it yet at age 38 and/or hasn't figured out that the problem lies with her, then she is definitely not doing well. I would NOT let it phase me if I were you. Go find yourself someone who knows how to love and let her keep roaming to the ends of the earth and back for something that does not exist.

[Mountaineagle]

I had a happy moment yesterday! 17 days into true NC. I got into a habit of checking her facebook and what not intensely after the break up, and it was really devastating every time. I actually called the person who she was unfaithful with to ask what had happened. He answered that I should not worry about that. Before and after the call I was in a desperate state of mind. Jealous and feeling so stupid that I had believed in  

her exceptional "ethics"

In my desperation I called my dad, explaining what I had done. He told me I should be thankful to the guys she had been with. If it had not been for them I would still be in the relationship, with no valid exit. He said "They are your freedom fighters!" From that day I pulled myself together and have not checked on her. It has been hard but every time I feel like doing it I ask myself: Do I want to feel bad again? And the answer is of course: NO! These 17 days has been very tough and I have had weak moments. In one of the weakest I decided to join this forum. I have never active on any forum previously. This forum actually saved me! And every time my mind wanders off to thoughts about the betrayal I manage eventually to shift focus to thanking my freedom fighters for the service they have done me. I would not have known what I know now. I would have not known she was ill. I would not have gotten away as I did. Yesterday I had a happy moment! I had just finished a tough workout and all I could do was smile. I know I have a long way to go inside and outside. But first step is taken and I am so proud of it!

[Phoenix.Rising]

The way I understand the illness it that they need a new mirror, hence their immediate presence on dating sites.  I found out my ex was on a dating site right after one of our later break-ups. 

It doesn't bother me like it used to, because for them it's probably more of an almost act of emotional survival.  They are so fractured and broken that they need contact with someone new.  It's sad, but probably close to the truth.  I permanently deleted my FB page, and I do not miss it at all.  I don't want to cause myself anymore pain than necessary.  Be thankful you are out of the relationship.

[Take2]

BPD-Harmony. You know, the site where you get to hook up with people who lie about the exact same things you do!

That is hilarious... .  

I found my ex on Plenty of Fish while we were dating.  I took my time before telling him I found him on there because as I expected, he DID flip out and blame ME for being on there.  Yup, I used a friend's id because I had suspicions.  I can't even remember what triggered it but well, I was right.  Anyway - that was a long time ago.

He's on BPD-Harmony now.  LOL.

I have to laugh.  Otherwise I will cry.  Because I just got painted black today by him at work.  I spent the day being texted about how I am pure evil and how much he hates me.  I am so exhausted from being so shocked by this - that I don't even feel like writing about how insane it is. 

Thanks for that funny comment though... .  kind made me feel better!