I'm ready to be here, just have to stay on track

[Peace4ME]

We've been in a break up cycle like this 20 times before, but I really want to stick with it this time. I've been staying out of apathy and a glimmer of hope that things would not only change but become enjoyable. Because sometimes it seems easier to stay, than to deal with selling the house and splitting. But that is not a reason to stay. I can't even say that I love him, really, and I don't like him very much on his bad days which greatly outnumber the good. It's time to call it good. We tried and we failed. The next months? will be hard. I'm doubtful that he will help with preparing the house, getting a realtor, keeping it clean, taking care of our pets and he may even stop paying the mortgage. I don't know what to expect of him, really. He will most likely try to make me feel guilty and pull me back in a little, but its never nicely. Just guilt. I just want it to be done and move on with my life. I'm tired of feeling like this.

[turtle]

I just want it to be done and move on with my life. I'm tired of feeling like this.

Well... .  this is the beginning of a new life, a new journey for you.  Some of it will be good and some of it will be crappy.  Either way... .  stick close to these boards as you venture out into new territory and learn about yourself.

Good for you for making a decision to move forward and out of toxicity.

turtle

[Peace4ME]

Thank you.

He had his DBT appt yesterday morning. Last night he said his T wants us (if we want to) to go to couples DBT. Neither one of us is jumping at the idea, I think we're just exhausted. We feel too far gone, plus he is already in 1 on 1 and group. I suppose if he is asking me then some part of him must want to. Do I? I dunno. My brain is mush.

Our biggest area of contention for HIM is feeling like I am not there for him and he is not supported, primarily in his attemp to quit smoking pot. To me, I feel like he wants an enabler. He doesn't want to hear anything negative, only that its ok, next time babe. I def could be a better listener and better validater when it comes to his difficulty in quitting. I just feel like a doormat. Like I'm only allowed to validate that its hard for him and not to worry about me at all. He doesn't want to hear it. I have to keep it all to myself, or talk to my T about it. How do you not get bitter and resentful when someone wants all your attention and devotion but gives you nothing in return? And on top of that, if I dare say the wrong thing and invalidate him then he has the right to get frustrated (yes) but to him frustration is yelling and telling me to shut up.

I know that couples DBT could help this, but are we too far gone?