is it possible

[rich5a]

Is it possible for her to believe I love her? Always after I say some of the most romantic things, she says "if you say so"  she always says they are just words... etc. After making love and it could be the embodiment of love... she will say I love you... but then she always says  "dont leave me... " dont leave me... .  dont leave me... .  It makes me so sad.

I wonder when shes gonna bolt.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Inspirationneeded]

Answering a question with a question . . . Do you believe every word that she says to you? 

If not, what gives you doubts?  What makes you "wonder when she is gonna bolt?"

[Rockylove]

I believe anything is possible~~perhaps not likely, but possible.  It's taken some time, but I think my bf is beginning to see the depth of my love and commitment.  He still has moments of uncertainty, but I expect that... .  I have them too!  Consistency has been paramount in turning things around in our home... .  I have to be consistent because he's NOT and he has experienced my consistency in loving him regardless of his behavior~~not that I don't have objections to certain behaviors, but I love him in spite of himself

[cal644]

One of the things my uBPDw would tell me is "you have to love me because I am the mother of your children" - she could never beleive that I would love her for her

[Foreverhopefull]

You have to think about a few things first to better understand the situation:

1. People with BPD see black or white, they have no clue how to process grey.

2. Love is a strong and confusing emotion for anyone, for BPDs it's the hardest one to process (remember the black and white)

3. Many have abandonment issues, so they struggle with this all the time. Again, the black and white, they don't want to get attached in case we decide to leave them, but they don't want us to go. So they have that grey zone that makes them so confused and they struggle with this allot.

So if we look at this, while taking into consideration those 3 points, here is how I see it:

1. She's still processing this grey zone that is love. She may feel it, but doesn't understand or know how to say it. My husband responds "You're crazy" when I say that I love him. This is his way of saying "me too". Try to see if she has this thing she will say repeatedly after a declaration of love from you.

2. She's still processing the probability of losing you (even if you never show her any signs of wanting too), Use comforting words for her to appease this feeling for her.

Be patient with her, I found that, with my husband, the whole emotion of love and the fact that I can hate things he does, but still love him with all my heart and soul, makes him more confuse and restless. He just can't process this grey zone.

It can happen, it just may take a long time.

[rich5a]

Thanks everyone.

Inspiration: I am not sure she will. But she has also spoken alot about breaking up. Like she is preparing me at times...

Forever, Rocky... .  thank you. That helped.

Patience... .