I really like the list, cal. I can see how I violated almost every one of those principles. The thing is, I think it's almost impossible to be a partner to someone wBPD and not be codependent. I look at how I could've done these things in the relationship... . and I truly couldn't... . I don't think that makes me codependent. I think that makes me human. I think the key for me is realizing, that there is no way I could have been in the relationship and act in a healthy way... . there would have been no relationship. That is reason enough to get out, and never look back. Now to figure out why I was in it so long... . well I think that is "learned helplessness". Thanks for sharing this buddy!
I felt a twinge when I read: "to LG is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences". Also, "to LG is not to fix, but to be supportive".
Thanks for posting.
Yeah me too... . it makes me feel guilty for not acting this way in the relationship. It sucks to think about how we made things worse for them... . I acted so self-righteous in the end.
I didn't want her to go to her aunt's house, because her cousin who molested her when she was 12 and triggered her ptsd or whatever else she had on top of uBPD. She said "this is reality! I have to go... . it was to handle her dad's assets because he recently passed". I knew it would be traumatizing... . according to her sister she got in a "fight with him"... . I get the feeling she acted a lot nuttier around her nutty incestuous family. I guess I should've let her live with the consequences of not avoiding toxic influences in her life... . hell i should have followed my own advice and let her deal with her own unresolved problems a long time ago.
The sad thing is I don't think pwBPD learn from consequences. I think they run toward them because they feel deserving of them... . sad.
I think this list should be used to vet out unhealthy relationship partners! Anytime we feel like acting like that, it isn't the right person!
Glad you are healing
Stoic