What was it about you that made you attach to your BPD ex?

[SarahinMA]

For the past year I've been doing a lot of soul searching- trying to figure out what it was that made me attach with my BPD ex.  Friends told me afterwards that they just didn't get it- why we were together.  I was his first serious girlfriend (we are both in our late 20s/early 30s).  He put down people a lot, seemed cold and aloof, albeit very smart and attractive. 

I read on 2010's post somewhere about the lonely child attaching with the abandoned child... .  I am starting to see that I've felt extremely lonely my whole life, especially due to a troubled past.  For the first time, it was like I could sense his trauma in him and we fell for each other hard and instantly.  It was almost subconscious.  I was the happiest I'd ever felt with him, but it was so toxic because it never felt right or safe.  It's like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  There were definitely co-dependency issues there as well. 

Thank goodness for therapy!

[trevjim]

I attached to mine because she was I'm a tough situation and it played on my male 'hero' side, I felt like prince charming. Also she was incredibly sexy and seductive which also played on my male side

[stevenq]

I got attached to my BPD gf because she was extremely protective and jealous. in my mind I thought that meant she loved me. she would text me 100 times a day. I liked the attention and thought that meant we were "connected". after awhile I began to feel smothered and then that's when all hell broke loose. we fought every 4 days. argue, breakup, make up. I have gone no contact now for 8weeeks. Good Luck to you.

[daintrovert13]

All of the above... .  especially stevenq's answer.

[wb1233]

SarahinMA

I was also lonely child and she was abandoned child. 2010 nailed it dead on. After starting with therapy, he asked me what I loved about her. It was an off the cuff response, I said "I see myself in her".   Creepy. (She had many wonderful qualities that I loved about her.) BUT WHAT THE HECK DID THAT MEAN? 

[GustheDog]

SarahinMA

I was also lonely child and she was abandoned child. 2010 nailed it dead on. After starting with therapy, he asked me what I loved about her. It was an off the cuff response, I said "I see myself in her".   Creepy. (She had many wonderful qualities that I loved about her.) BUT WHAT THE HECK DID THAT MEAN?  

Of course you saw yourself in her - that's the point!

I responded to my ex's mirroring a little differently.  I never really "saw myself" in her - in fact, I actually perceived the two of us as being quite different.  But what I did see was someone who shared the same core values and someone who really just "got me" on a very deep level (both of which ended up not being true at all).

I've always had trouble letting my guard down all the way.  I can open up to people - more so with some than others - but, before my exBPDgf, I'd truly never felt secure enough to drop my guard completely and totally trust another person.  She made me feel comfortable enough to do just that.

An absolute Trojan horse is what it was.  This person I trusted most was someone I never should have trusted at all; indeed, a person who's not capable of giving or reciprocating trust.

I had my reservations about trusting others before, and this r/s only proved my worst fears correct.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again.