I voiced my need to end our r/s

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm feeling a little jumbled and exhausted this morning after a few days of conflict and being told everything

is my fault and the deep inner damage that I am unaware of are the root of the problems in our r/s.

I have moved to the leaving board.

This morning I voiced to my UBPDbf my need to end our r/s. (In all our past break ups he has ended us in a rage.)

This is the first time I have brought up ending us and suggested we split in over two years. We were not in an argument at the time it was relatively calm compared to the last week.

I know I must carry through with this decision. I'm concerned regarding my strength not to get pulled back.

He called today and has expressed he does not want to end our relationship without getting therapy first. It was hard to hear his voice.

I love him and know I will miss the good things we had together and simultaneously understand our dynamics feel toxic.

We will meet Saturday evening and not see each other until we meet. I truly hope I can maintain my resolution.

This r/s, for all the good things it has brought me and lessons learned, is not healthy for me. This I know.

I did not suggest NC yet. I know in the past I implemented it in hurtful ways after he would rage us into break up.

This time I hope to ask for it respectfully and use it as a tool for healing.

I have read the Leaving board Lessons and will do it again.

Are there any additional links or reading anyone can suggest which might help me between now and Saturday?

thanks.

[wishingwell17]

I'm feeling a little jumbled and exhausted this morning after a few days of conflict and being told everything

is my fault and the deep inner damage that I am unaware of are the root of the problems in our r/s.

I have moved to the leaving board.

This morning I voiced to my UBPDbf my need to end our r/s. (In all our past break ups he has ended us in a rage.)

This is the first time I have brought up ending us and suggested we split in over two years. We were not in an argument at the time it was relatively calm compared to the last week.

I know I must carry through with this decision. I'm concerned regarding my strength not to get pulled back.

He called today and has expressed he does not want to end our relationship without getting therapy first. It was hard to hear his voice.

I love him and know I will miss the good things we had together and simultaneously understand our dynamics feel toxic.

We will meet Saturday evening and not see each other until we meet. I truly hope I can maintain my resolution.

This r/s, for all the good things it has brought me and lessons learned, is not healthy for me. This I know.

I did not suggest NC yet. I know in the past I implemented it in hurtful ways after he would rage us into break up.

This time I hope to ask for it respectfully and use it as a tool for healing.

I have read the Leaving board Lessons and will do it again.

Are there any additional links or reading anyone can suggest which might help me between now and Saturday?

thanks.

[Newton]

Hi wishingwell17... .  I would suggest you fill your time between now and then with doing things you enjoy... .   

... .  go to a local antique market?, ride your bike?, bake cakes?, take pictures?, ... .  what makes you happy?... .  

Asking for NC won't work... .  it's only a decision you can make... .  

What would be your best scenario after your meeting on saturday?... .  ie/ what is the best feeling you hope to wake up with on sunday morning?... .  

[wishingwell17]

dear newton,

thanks for the response.

Tonight I shared my favorite food, at my favorite restaurant, with my best friend since childhood. Such a lovely night, exploring all the things we want to do and haven't yet. It felt really good. I'll be at the gym at 6am tomorrow, this is also something I love (hate ) and feel better after I do it.  I'm not sure what tomorrow holds yet. I love to read, I have a new book. The introvert in me may make a fire, some popcorn, and read the evening away. I like this     a lot.

So, ASKING for NC does not work... .  

Asking is what I should not do. Catching my codependence streak you are  

Is it simply something I inform him I AM doing to take care of myself. 

Thank you for that call out. Another reason I love this place.