Rubbing salt in the wound

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex-husband and I were trying to work things out, and he disappeared a few weeks ago. Last night he sent a link to the Lady Antebellum's song "One day you will"   Was this to rub salt in the wound?

I cried all night!  Why are they so cruel? 

[FollowingBliss]

My ex-husband and I were trying to work things out, and he disappeared a few weeks ago. Last night he sent a link to the Lady Antebellum's song "One day you will"   Was this to rub salt in the wound?

I cried all night!  Why are they so cruel? 

[trouble11]

Um ... .  I just read those lyrics and didn't see it as rubbing salt in the wound.  On contrary ... .  it looked more like saying I made you feel bad and know that someday you will feel better again. Maybe there is more background that I'm missing though. IDK ... .  but to me it didn't look mean.  Hope that helps a little. 

[FollowingBliss]

No, not at all... .  thanks for responding     I am sad because it means we are done.

[FollowingBliss]

He said he is sorry for my pain also. But this means he is gone?

[FollowingBliss]

am crying so hard cant breathe... .  someone please help me

[wb1233]

Following Bliss,

I know how you feel. My exgf would always send me lyrics of love songs. When I guess she thought we we were done she sent me "It Must Have Been Love" from Pretty Woman. Her favorite movie. It was like a knife to my soul.  I guess it's their way of expressing what they can't feel.

Next time don't fall for the trap. Don't be baited. Don't read the lyrics or hear the songs. Guard your heart.

It's hard. It hurts. Comfort yourself. Be kind to you. It's not your fault. It's not his fault. It's the disorder.

I wish you comfort and peace in your time of sorrow.

[FollowingBliss]

Oh, thats awful wb1233!  I am so sorry for your heartache also. 

[wb1233]

Remember that we have to look at their actions and behaviors. They don't always line up with what they say. If he loves you and want's to work things out it should be supported by taking responsibilty for what he has done and followed up by actions to earn your trust back.

Otherwise sending lyrics and songs is very distorted and very immature in moments of crises. We need real human contact.

[FollowingBliss]

He moved and changed all his contact information a while ago... .  right now I am restricted to email. Not allowed to have new number, address... .  

[Traye]

Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" was the song she sent me.  Crushing, but very appropriate.  WB1233 is totally correct:  we have to look at their actions, not their words.  I found that with my uBPDexgf, her words were aspirational--what she hoped she could/would do... .  while her actions spoke the truth.

It's hard... .  very hard to recover from these relationships.  I'm digging myself out of my hole, and feel that I still have so far to go.  It's difficult to recognize when they're gone--really gone.  I have the comfort of knowing my relationship is over, and that it will never be recycled again.  Our breakup was too bad for anything to survive.  I'm ok with that.  Plus NC helps things also.  I'm moving on with my life.  I don't need this craziness any more.

[wb1233]

Followingbliss

There are some incredible posts here by 2010. I suggest you take the time to read them all if you can. They have helped me tremendously. Most importantly is that we have to come to a place of radical acceptance. 2010 gives very detailed clinical explanations on why our relationships were destined to fail from the beginning. It wasn't us. It wasn't them. It was the disorder. Once we accept that we can then begin the healing proccess.

It's painful. I feel your pain. I have traveled down your road and have shared in your sorrow. Read and understand.

[FollowingBliss]

Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" was the song she sent me.  .

Oh, ouch. I am so sorry!  Who beyond middle school even does these things? Its as if they want

to twist the knife deeper.

[FollowingBliss]

Followingbliss

There are some incredible posts here by 2010. I suggest you take the time to read them all if you can. They have helped me tremendously. Most importantly is that we have to come to a place of radical acceptance. 2010 gives very detailed clinical explanations on why our relationships were destined to fail from the beginning. It wasn't us. It wasn't them. It was the disorder. Once we accept that we can then begin the healing proccess.

It's painful. I feel your pain. I have traveled down your road and have shared in your sorrow. Read and understand.

Thanks so much, wb!  I have started reading those posts from 2010.

Having such a hard time with this as he has split not only me, but also his two children black.

He sends them sad song links also, and the kids can't handle it.

[Whitefang]

My BPD ex was also famous for sending songs to "communicate".  Often i never saw how they were supposed to apply & she never had much explanation.  Then disappear for wks, as if the cryptic song was supposed to contain all i needed to know.  Lol what a weird joke.

[Changed4safety]

Mine sent songs as well... .  Interesting.  I know that music was very important to him, but it is interesting, once again, to hear that so many of us have experienced the same thing.   To me, it reinforces that this is the illness manifesting in common and predictable ways.  Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like crazy... .  

[FollowingBliss]

 It really is interesting to know others have experienced the same thing. Is this a common thing they do before bolting?