How long will it take for my soul to heal from relationship? Keep it disney?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

How long will it take for my soul to heal from relationship?

Soul, essence, whatever you want to call it.

I feel like damaged goods. A wounded bird... .  err Eagle.

I'm a sick eagle... .  looking for other eagles.

But I might just be too scraggly and beat up right now.

You know like Scar in the Lion king? I feel like that... .  

I used to be like simba when he was a little cub.

Maybe not a mufasa, or a middle aged simba... .  let's get real... .  but at least i was a lion... .  

My exwBPD was a hyena... .  she wanted to be queen of the hyenas... .  you know the whoopi goldberg one that you wanted to like, because you know, it was "whoopi"?

How do I get back to my path of simba so I can grow up and be a mufasa, or eventually end up with james earl jones in the talking sky?

Do i have to hang out with warthogs and little squirrels because I'm just an outcast now?

I'm trying to keep it real disney right now, because I have watched bambi get shot in the head, over and over... .  like how we used to torture overseas POWs by making them watch teletubbies over and over at full volume?

Same thing here... .  I need some elton john songs and a rainforest or something... .  

How the fk can i heal my soul in southern California? This is where my business is... .  I need to go spend time at some imaginary grandma's house in the woods and pick berries or something... .  not go to the bar and shoot the ~ with my friends.

I want to sit in a hot spring bath chanting tantric phrases and talk about philosophy with mermaids while smoking a bubbles out of a pipe.

Serious, it seems after the soul sucking relationship I need to some how inject myself in to a disney movie, or go work at a vegan coop that has some sort of a holistic day spa with infared saunas and shamanic priests.

Any other ideas that are more practical for a beans eating, entrepreneur whose exwBPD was trying to destroy... .  I don't want to give her the pleasure of knowing she destroyed me, so advice aside from T (which i am doing twice a week) would be appreciated... .  

Ive done enough exploration of FOO and my own issues... .  I want to heal my emotional right brain side. My left brain side needs to go on vay-k for a bit... .  

[stoic83]

How long will it take for my soul to heal from relationship?

Soul, essence, whatever you want to call it.

I feel like damaged goods. A wounded bird... .  err Eagle.

I'm a sick eagle... .  looking for other eagles.

But I might just be too scraggly and beat up right now.

You know like Scar in the Lion king? I feel like that... .  

I used to be like simba when he was a little cub.

Maybe not a mufasa, or a middle aged simba... .  let's get real... .  but at least i was a lion... .  

My exwBPD was a hyena... .  she wanted to be queen of the hyenas... .  you know the whoopi goldberg one that you wanted to like, because you know, it was "whoopi"?

How do I get back to my path of simba so I can grow up and be a mufasa, or eventually end up with james earl jones in the talking sky?

Do i have to hang out with warthogs and little squirrels because I'm just an outcast now?

I'm trying to keep it real disney right now, because I have watched bambi get shot in the head, over and over... .  like how we used to torture overseas POWs by making them watch teletubbies over and over at full volume?

Same thing here... .  I need some elton john songs and a rainforest or something... .  

How the fk can i heal my soul in southern California? This is where my business is... .  I need to go spend time at some imaginary grandma's house in the woods and pick berries or something... .  not go to the bar and shoot the ~ with my friends.

I want to sit in a hot spring bath chanting tantric phrases and talk about philosophy with mermaids while smoking a bubbles out of a pipe.

Serious, it seems after the soul sucking relationship I need to some how inject myself in to a disney movie, or go work at a vegan coop that has some sort of a holistic day spa with infared saunas and shamanic priests.

Any other ideas that are more practical for a beans eating, entrepreneur whose exwBPD was trying to destroy... .  I don't want to give her the pleasure of knowing she destroyed me, so advice aside from T (which i am doing twice a week) would be appreciated... .  

Ive done enough exploration of FOO and my own issues... .  I want to heal my emotional right brain side. My left brain side needs to go on vay-k for a bit... .  

[Changed4safety]

Funny--that is the same visual image I had.  I have long attracted and been attracted to wounded younger men.  When I was in my 20s I called them "hurt hawks."  It was only recently that I realized that I was wounded myself, as hurt as any of my "hawks."  Time for me to think about getting back into the sky.

Honestly--if I were living in SoCal right now, I would take myself to Disneyland.  All by myself.  Rest when I wanted to, eat where I wanted to, do the rides I wanted to.  Find the "secret" places (there are books for this) where you can hear Snow White's voice echoing in a wishing well.  Stay for the fireworks.  Come home with a cuddly new stuffed friend.  That sounds really good, actually.  :/

Failing that--walks in parks?  Volunteering at an animal shelter or fostering a dog or cat?  I may lose my 19 year old cat this coming week, I am thinking of doing that myself.  Day spa or destination spa for a day or two?  Guys can get massages and soaks and take care of themselves too! 

Within reason, eat comfort food--something from your childhood you loved.  Get an ice cream cone and walk around.  Watch a favorite show from your childhood on Netflix or Hulu. 

Your instincts are to "handle with care", and I'd follow of them.  Be a child for a little while.  PLAY!   Take breaks from "responsibility," an hour or two or afternoon here and there.  And report in, I want to know what you come up with.

[Clearmind]

You are transitioning stoic. It will take some time. While you have soul searched and realized your FOO it can still take time for it to sink in - as you say for your emotional brain to catch up.

Get out, have fun and start creating new memories for yourself. Slowly those memories of your ex will fade.

When your mind starts thinking about her - shift it to you. Good mind practice.

And post more on personal inventory. The more time you spend thinking and posting about her the longer you will be stuck.

[stoic83]

And post more on personal inventory. The more time you spend thinking and posting about her the longer you will be stuck.

Oh wow, clearmind... .  i feel like I just got a BPD-anonymous chip. Thank you! I will work my way on to there some... .  this breakup is like a sinkhole... .  once i start feeling better, it draws me back in... .  whether together or apart. Soldifying my true self will help... .  

[Clearmind]

Oh I know! If it hurts we still have some healing to do.

Think of this break up as a wake up call! It's like an electric shock - you found your rock bottom - congrats! - only way is up.

Work on solidifying your own self! 

[GreenMango]

Stoic I agree with Clearmind.  Solidify yourself first.

Tackling the FOO is hard work, it takes emotional stamina and a readiness that can be compromised by being vulnerable from a traumatic breakup.  If you look at the Survivors Guide in the Healing board its a long process it doesn't just happened overnight.  Baby steps.

As far as this relationship healing working the leaving lessons can help.  Have you read the them?  What do you thing about them?  And where would you place yourself on the detachment and why?

[wb1233]

Stoic

I know the feeling you're going through. I divorced 5 years ago. I was absolutely crushed to the core. Funny thing is I really wasn't in love with my exwf when we married. Had no idea about BPD. She was classic BPD, even got pregnant to "trap'" me. It took me 1 year to get past the pain. 6 months of pretty much solitude. 6 months of reflection. And another year to feel like a new person before I started dating again.

The pain you're feeling is very real. The important thing is feeling your pain and not stuffing it. It's the abandonment depression that is necessary. No way around it.

Now about my uBPDexgf. I was totally in love with her. Still am. But I think because I went through the abandonment depression with my exwf, coupled with the knowledge of BPD and radical acceptance, it has been a lot more tolerable for me.

We have to take the "red pill"(radical acceptance)

[cookiecrumbled]

Once again, I come here to express my sorrow, my loneliness, my fear.  And another has articulated it better than I could.  Stoic, I hope I can offer some comfort to you.  I have thought to myself that never have I needed my mother's loving arms more than now, when I am battered and bruised and long for sunshine and hugs and rainbows.  It is why I nearly took my iife on the day after Thanksgiving - I simply wanted to go to heaven - where there would be no more pain and my mother's embrace would be waiting.

What I do not understand is why I still feel the desperate urge to tell him that I love him, that I miss him, that I pray for him and want him to be happy.  I have not seen him since November 9, 2012.  He has not responded to a single text since the end of December.  And yet, I keep texting him.  I send him kind thoughts, hellos, updates on my boys, reports on my father's chemotherapy, questions of how he is doing, questions about his children, and recently a photo of me half naked.  WHY WHY WHY would I do this... .  it is humiliating.  I continue to go to same dry well for water.  And there is no response.

I am so lonely I can hardly bear to look at a couple holding hands.  I had two happy Valentines' Days in my whole life.  Last year and the year before - we cherished this ridiculous hoiday.  And I miss him so much.

  I keep hoping he isn't Borderline.  He has no history of cheating that I know of, no self-hurting or threatening, no substance abuse, there was only his wife and then me in 13 years.  But what does it matter?  I told him I miss him and to please text me back.  Nothing.  He doesn't love me anymore.

How can we help each other move on, my friends?  How long are we going to hurt like this?

Cookie  :'(

[GustheDog]

I want to sit in a hot spring bath chanting tantric phrases and talk about philosophy with mermaids while smoking a bubbles out of a pipe.

Serious, it seems after the soul sucking relationship I need to some how inject myself in to a disney movie, or go work at a vegan coop that has some sort of a holistic day spa with infared saunas and shamanic priests.

If a person can do these things anywhere, I'm pretty sure it's California.

Unfortunately, I don't have much in the way of serious advice.  I think you and I are at a similar stage in our recovery.