Mother in law BPD

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I'm new to this board.  I've been struggling with my MIL with uBPD.  My challenge is that my husband defends her often and doesn't see how destructive she is to himself, myself, and our marriage.  I am especially concerned now that our first child is born.  I don't think my MIL should be allowed to see her unsupervised, my husband thinks it will be okay.  

To describe my MILs behavior, she thinks only of her own needs.  When she doesn't get her way she cries, she yells, and she guilt trips especially my husband and my FIL.  I have set boundaries with my in laws and often feel like I am the only person who does.  The general sense I get from my in laws is they strongly dislike me because I do not cooperate with the family dynamic (appease MIL no matter what).  I have minimal contact with them now, and want to keep my distance.  I'm concerned how this will play out now that my daughter is born.

[As1234]

I'm new to this board.  I've been struggling with my MIL with uBPD.  My challenge is that my husband defends her often and doesn't see how destructive she is to himself, myself, and our marriage.  I am especially concerned now that our first child is born.  I don't think my MIL should be allowed to see her unsupervised, my husband thinks it will be okay.  

To describe my MILs behavior, she thinks only of her own needs.  When she doesn't get her way she cries, she yells, and she guilt trips especially my husband and my FIL.  I have set boundaries with my in laws and often feel like I am the only person who does.  The general sense I get from my in laws is they strongly dislike me because I do not cooperate with the family dynamic (appease MIL no matter what).  I have minimal contact with them now, and want to keep my distance.  I'm concerned how this will play out now that my daughter is born.

[P.F.Change]

 

I have a mother with BPD. I understand how hard it is to deal with an entire family system that is used to a dysfunctional dynamic, and also how very strong our protective instincts can be when we become parents. I think your concerns are valid.

It sounds like you are not only having conflict with your in-laws but are feeling unsupported in your marriage as well. That must be hard. Would your husband be willing to go to counseling with you? Even if not, you might consider seeking it for yourself. The more support, the better!

Someone will be along shortly to give you a link to the appropriate family board. I hope you will keep reading and posting. You have found a community that knows exactly what you're going through and can offer guidance when you need it. We have some great workshops and articles, too. I'm glad you've joined us.

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Suzn]

Hello As1234 

I'm sorry you're having to go through this with your MIL.    That's a difficult situation to be in. Being a first time mom is challenging at times and needing some space with your new baby isn't out of the question. Your husband most likely sees this behavior as fairly normal since this is how he was raised. You've come to the right place for support. There are many members here with inlaws with BPD, they all get it.

I'm glad you found us, looking forward to hearing more about you. Keep posting, it helps.

[Kelly995]

I am in a very similar situation.  We don't have kids yet because we are scared of my MIL.  My husband used to be supportive and still is to an extent.

While I'm struggling now the books 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' and 'Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder' were empowering.

If your husband can being to understand what is going on and back you up, it will get better.  I just have to find a way to get mine back there.

Good luck.  I'm glad I've found this place too.