Discarded and really just dont get it? Anyone feel like this? Part 2

[Discarded26]

It was truly big eye opener for me to find that some nons can handle a pwBPD's behaviors better than others. There are specific communication skills that can and do help, and these skills are helpful for ANY relationship, not just a relationship with a pwBPD. You can see how these skills are being used everyday on our Staying board here. There ARE success stories.  wink

My ex did much better, for a time, with one of my replacements. This person was much more educated in these communication skills than I was. Unfortunately for her that relationship didn't last either BUT she was healthier than I had ever seen her during that time. It was a very hard pill to swallow that I had contributed to the demise of our relationship because of my lack of skills in this area. It was a definite (like cold water thrown in my face) wake up call for me.  From suzn

See that's just SO confusing, yet they call us 'the one' etc, but can't commit to us? Yet chase us and drip feed us this fantasy 'love'

Then run and leave us like was never there 

Don't think I'll ever truly understand it

Least shouldn't get anymore unexpected drunk texts this weekend 

[Discarded26]

So... .  feeling a little down today, suppose that's normal. Just weekends seem to be the worst at the moment

Just need to get some plan into action, where I stop thinking of him and 'what fake life we had'

Have to keep reminding myself he doesn't care and never did. Actions speak louder and words and they end with silence ha ha!

[ambi]

What I see with my xBPDH is a magnified intensity of emotions.  Just this week, he popped over to my house unexpectedly.  He had a small gift for me.  He said he missed talking to me and asked if he could talk to me once in a while.   I said that we could.  He responded, "Great.  I'll disappear."     I asked him if he knew what he'd just said.  He said he did know that he was changing the subject and going away.

That's him.  He was happy to have a pleasant exchange and can now disappear.  He doesn't want to get dragged into things and feel them any more deeply than he already is.  He can take that pleasant exchange and keep that in his head for weeks and weeks and not notice that I'm not present.  In his head, I'm present.  It has a different intensity for him than for me.  He can stay with that thought, safely at a distance from everyone else, and live in his escape.  I'll hear from him again, but it won't be for weeks or months.

It feels like a drip feed and it certainly is fantasy love since a lot of it takes place in his head.  It's what he can manage.  In is mind, I am THE ONE.  It doesn't work for me.  I want a relationship in the physical world and not just in my head with everyone at arm's length. 

[Discarded26]

What I see with my xBPDH is a magnified intensity of emotions.  Just this week, he popped over to my house unexpectedly.  He had a small gift for me.  He said he missed talking to me and asked if he could talk to me once in a while.   I said that we could.  He responded, "Great.  I'll disappear."     I asked him if he knew what he'd just said.  He said he did know that he was changing the subject and going away.

That's him.  He was happy to have a pleasant exchange and can now disappear.  He doesn't want to get dragged into things and feel them any more deeply than he already is.  He can take that pleasant exchange and keep that in his head for weeks and weeks and not notice that I'm not present.  In his head, I'm present.  It has a different intensity for him than for me.  He can stay with that thought, safely at a distance from everyone else, and live in his escape.  I'll hear from him again, but it won't be for weeks or months.

It feels like a drip feed and it certainly is fantasy love since a lot of it takes place in his head.  It's what he can manage.  In is mind, I am THE ONE.  It doesn't work for me.  I want a relationship in the physical world and not just in my head with everyone at arm's length. 

Hmm that sound's like mine, 4 drunk texts and silence again (I didn't reply) Was love rubbish then abuse, then back to the NC from him. Been NC with me since it happened nearly 5 weeks ago.

Think your right about 'in his head your present' etc, it how they can go on like you was never there in a sense to?

It's very sad when you think about it, I wasn't sure at 1st, but reading what other people have to say, I always thought he was that special one. But now I'm seeing it was never real, because he wasn't real. Was all a fantasy he fed me 'the one' and all the love rubbish.

Think I need need a new hobby or maybe even try dating again? Just need something else in my life again 

[HardTruth]

The way that I experienced it was that my exBPDbf had 2, very intertwined, things going on.

First he has a deep loneliness and lack of feeling loved.  With that, he projects onto the outside world - could she be the one?  The one that stays and loves me completely?  Makes me feel whole and not lonely any more?  Oh oh oh, I hope so!  I need a cure to this misery and lostness... .  

And second, he genuinely had a connection to me.  He was attracted to me, liked me, cared about me to the extent that he could, and enjoyed having me in my life.

As he moves through his, and I repeat HIS, emotional stages of connection with someone, he moves through phase 1 - Is it her? She must be the one, she's amazing! - Idealization phase...

Cool!  I've got her attention and she likes me too!  Now starting to feel vulnerable and moving into the Clingy Phase... .  

To the inevitable realization that she and the relationship exist in shades of gray... and that now that he's feeling vulnerable he's triggered by the FEAR of Engulfment and it's companion Fear of Abandonment ... He goes into the Hater phase, which for some is more like a Withdrawal phase - perhaps if they're more of a Waif vs a Queen, etc.

All this time, his projection, his fears, AND his feelings for you are all intertwined together.  They are inseparable.  So when he feels FEAR, that is what he is feeling.  In that moment, he no longer remembers love, stability, promises, kindness.  It is only FEAR.  His heart chakra is potentially blocked from feeling or remembering anything else at that moment.

Who knows when those demons will pass and he'll feel safe enough to want to experience those feelings of "love" again?  Or perhaps what will happen, is the fear will be overtaken by NEED, Loneliness, desperation... .   and he may then reach out to you again.  

Is it REAL this time?  :)oes he really mean it? you think to yourself... .  

But any true feeling and affection he has for you is wrapped up in his projection, fear, loneliness.

That is why you can't trust their words.  It's an ever-changing landscape of emotions and impulses.  Even what is potentially "real" has SO much ___ mixed up in it, he (nor you) can make heads or tails of it.

You are not left with anything you can count on.

The words and feelings expressed which seem SO REAL don't mean that he'll really be there tomorrow.  Because he is HIGHLY UNSTABLE.  When he looks stable, it's only because he's managing it for a time, and there isn't any significant trigger happening at that moment.

I am trying to wrap my head around it to.  I hope this helps.  It's at least one perspective.

[Discarded26]

The way that I experienced it was that my exBPDbf had 2, very intertwined, things going on.

First he has a deep loneliness and lack of feeling loved.  With that, he projects onto the outside world - could she be the one?  The one that stays and loves me completely?  Makes me feel whole and not lonely any more?  Oh oh oh, I hope so!  I need a cure to this misery and lostness... .  

And second, he genuinely had a connection to me.  He was attracted to me, liked me, cared about me to the extent that he could, and enjoyed having me in my life.

As he moves through his, and I repeat HIS, emotional stages of connection with someone, he moves through phase 1 - Is it her? She must be the one, she's amazing! - Idealization phase...

Cool!  I've got her attention and she likes me too!  Now starting to feel vulnerable and moving into the Clingy Phase... .  

To the inevitable realization that she and the relationship exist in shades of gray... and that now that he's feeling vulnerable he's triggered by the FEAR of Engulfment and it's companion Fear of Abandonment ... He goes into the Hater phase, which for some is more like a Withdrawal phase - perhaps if they're more of a Waif vs a Queen, etc.

All this time, his projection, his fears, AND his feelings for you are all intertwined together.  They are inseparable.  So when he feels FEAR, that is what he is feeling.  In that moment, he no longer remembers love, stability, promises, kindness.  It is only FEAR.  His heart chakra is potentially blocked from feeling or remembering anything else at that moment.

Who knows when those demons will pass and he'll feel safe enough to want to experience those feelings of "love" again?  Or perhaps what will happen, is the fear will be overtaken by NEED, Loneliness, desperation... .   and he may then reach out to you again.  

Is it REAL this time?  :)oes he really mean it? you think to yourself... .  

But any true feeling and affection he has for you is wrapped up in his projection, fear, loneliness.

That is why you can't trust their words.  It's an ever-changing landscape of emotions and impulses.  Even what is potentially "real" has SO much ___ mixed up in it, he (nor you) can make heads or tails of it.

You are not left with anything you can count on.

The words and feelings expressed which seem SO REAL don't mean that he'll really be there tomorrow.  Because he is HIGHLY UNSTABLE.  When he looks stable, it's only because he's managing it for a time, and there isn't any significant trigger happening at that moment.

I am trying to wrap my head around it to.  I hope this helps.  It's at least one perspective.

It's a great perspective. I can see what your saying. Makes ALOT of sense

Think my issues are just the abandonment and realizing everything was never what it seemed. I kinda had a idea, but he made out he was so trustworthy, yet there was always little lies I found out about. That's not a trustworthy person

Only good thing can come out of it, I finally see him for what he is

[HardTruth]

I think for a lot of us, when we make a promise to someone, we feel their vulnerability and joy with the connection.  We simultaneously feel their pain if we were to disappoint them and not come through.  I can't imagine disappointing my nieces by not following through!

But with BPD, they are experiencing their OWN joy and relief, etc., at the connection.  Not yours.  They cannot think or feel into the future for the consequences of their actions.  They cannot necessarily even feel what you are feeling at that moment either.  I.e. empathy.

It's very deceptive.  And hard to pick up on the subtle yet important difference between the two scenarios.  At least it is for me.  It takes time to get to know someone's character.

When they hurt or disappoint you later, they feel your anger towards them, their own fear or discomfort as a result of the feelings you're expressing towards them.  I don't know how able some of them are to actually FEEL YOUR PAIN, and thus have compassion.

So you're right.  Things were not what they seemed.

I just had this happen with a guy I met on the internet!  See thread - https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=194745.0.  He is impulsive, lied, and later showed he did not have the capacity to have empathy.

What were the little lies that you found out about?  I have come to the conclusion that even little lies are a  .  It can signal the tip of an iceberg where underneath is a person who lacks consistency and integrity.  

[bondafc]

This is helping me cope with mine... .  

7 months and counting... .  

Commit the following statements to memory:

She won’t change.

You can’t make her better.

She doesn’t love you.

Things really were that bad.

You can’t be friends with her.

She’ll keep abusing you for as long as you let her.

You can't have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional         person

She isn’t going to move on to a new man and suddenly be great and normal. She’ll continue to be the same miserable woman she was when she was with you, no matter how much she rubs your nose in how “terrific” her life is without you. THIS IS A LIE.

A few wonderful moments don’t make up for how abusive she is the majority of the time.

You deserve better.

She isn’t real.  I can’t make her real.

You had a life before her; you’ll have a much happier life without her.

[Discarded26]

Well another unexpected text again... .  got one early this morning where he texting a message to his boss, but ends up going to me. Why he has my number still I'll never understand? As he was one who dumped me cruelly and abandoned me and told me to let go. Yet he's the one who can't let go.

I replied (1st time since closure), probably shouldn't, but I don't see why I should change my number.

I said 'Please delete my number. Thank you.

Simple and to the point, not engaging with him or anything like that.

Then he replies (which I never replied back to) I made my point very well.

He said. 'Was sent by accident' then went on to say 'For what it's worth I'm sorry' then went on to say, 'I prob made a big mistake but nothing I can do about that now' and finally to top it off insults me at the end (like the drunk texts) saying, 'hope you and him are happy and everything'

I did not reply to that. Deleted his number yet again, and hope never to hear off him again 

[almostmarried]

Hello bondafc... .  you and me are talking about the same person... .  no matter what her name is... .  

[pixiepie]

The way that I experienced it was that my exBPDbf had 2, very intertwined, things going on.

First he has a deep loneliness and lack of feeling loved.  With that, he projects onto the outside world - could she be the one?  The one that stays and loves me completely?  Makes me feel whole and not lonely any more?  Oh oh oh, I hope so!  I need a cure to this misery and lostness... .  

And second, he genuinely had a connection to me.  He was attracted to me, liked me, cared about me to the extent that he could, and enjoyed having me in my life.

As he moves through his, and I repeat HIS, emotional stages of connection with someone, he moves through phase 1 - Is it her? She must be the one, she's amazing! - Idealization phase...

Cool!  I've got her attention and she likes me too!  Now starting to feel vulnerable and moving into the Clingy Phase... .  

To the inevitable realization that she and the relationship exist in shades of gray... and that now that he's feeling vulnerable he's triggered by the FEAR of Engulfment and it's companion Fear of Abandonment ... He goes into the Hater phase, which for some is more like a Withdrawal phase - perhaps if they're more of a Waif vs a Queen, etc.

All this time, his projection, his fears, AND his feelings for you are all intertwined together.  They are inseparable.  So when he feels FEAR, that is what he is feeling.  In that moment, he no longer remembers love, stability, promises, kindness.  It is only FEAR.  His heart chakra is potentially blocked from feeling or remembering anything else at that moment.

Who knows when those demons will pass and he'll feel safe enough to want to experience those feelings of "love" again?  Or perhaps what will happen, is the fear will be overtaken by NEED, Loneliness, desperation... .   and he may then reach out to you again.  

Is it REAL this time?  :)oes he really mean it? you think to yourself... .  

But any true feeling and affection he has for you is wrapped up in his projection, fear, loneliness.

That is why you can't trust their words.  It's an ever-changing landscape of emotions and impulses.  Even what is potentially "real" has SO much ___ mixed up in it, he (nor you) can make heads or tails of it.

You are not left with anything you can count on.

The words and feelings expressed which seem SO REAL don't mean that he'll really be there tomorrow.  Because he is HIGHLY UNSTABLE.  When he looks stable, it's only because he's managing it for a time, and there isn't any significant trigger happening at that moment.

I am trying to wrap my head around it to.  I hope this helps.  It's at least one perspective.

this is the most cogent thing I've read since I found this website, and completely mirrors what happened with me and my pwBPD. COMPLETELY.

with some additional hateration thrown in with alcoholism. thank you for writing this, it was really helpful.

[Discarded26]

Well another unexpected text again... .  got one early this morning where he texting a message to his boss, but ends up going to me. Why he has my number still I'll never understand? As he was one who dumped me cruelly and abandoned me and told me to let go. Yet he's the one who can't let go.

I replied (1st time since closure), probably shouldn't, but I don't see why I should change my number.

I said 'Please delete my number. Thank you.

Simple and to the point, not engaging with him or anything like that.

Then he replies (which I never replied back to) I made my point very well.

He said. 'Was sent by accident' then went on to say 'For what it's worth I'm sorry' then went on to say, 'I prob made a big mistake but nothing I can do about that now' and finally to top it off insults me at the end (like the drunk texts) saying, 'hope you and him are happy and everything'

I did not reply to that. Deleted his number yet again, and hope never to hear off him again 

Argh anyone? Wish I didn't allow it to get to me

[afterdeath]

The way that I experienced it was that my exBPDbf had 2, very intertwined, things going on.

First he has a deep loneliness and lack of feeling loved.  With that, he projects onto the outside world - could she be the one?  The one that stays and loves me completely?  Makes me feel whole and not lonely any more?  Oh oh oh, I hope so!  I need a cure to this misery and lostness... .  

And second, he genuinely had a connection to me.  He was attracted to me, liked me, cared about me to the extent that he could, and enjoyed having me in my life.

As he moves through his, and I repeat HIS, emotional stages of connection with someone, he moves through phase 1 - Is it her? She must be the one, she's amazing! - Idealization phase...

Cool!  I've got her attention and she likes me too!  Now starting to feel vulnerable and moving into the Clingy Phase... .  

To the inevitable realization that she and the relationship exist in shades of gray... and that now that he's feeling vulnerable he's triggered by the FEAR of Engulfment and it's companion Fear of Abandonment ... He goes into the Hater phase, which for some is more like a Withdrawal phase - perhaps if they're more of a Waif vs a Queen, etc.

All this time, his projection, his fears, AND his feelings for you are all intertwined together.  They are inseparable.  So when he feels FEAR, that is what he is feeling.  In that moment, he no longer remembers love, stability, promises, kindness.  It is only FEAR.  His heart chakra is potentially blocked from feeling or remembering anything else at that moment.

Who knows when those demons will pass and he'll feel safe enough to want to experience those feelings of "love" again?  Or perhaps what will happen, is the fear will be overtaken by NEED, Loneliness, desperation... .   and he may then reach out to you again.  

Is it REAL this time?  :)oes he really mean it? you think to yourself... .  

But any true feeling and affection he has for you is wrapped up in his projection, fear, loneliness.

That is why you can't trust their words.  It's an ever-changing landscape of emotions and impulses.  Even what is potentially "real" has SO much ___ mixed up in it, he (nor you) can make heads or tails of it.

You are not left with anything you can count on.

The words and feelings expressed which seem SO REAL don't mean that he'll really be there tomorrow.  Because he is HIGHLY UNSTABLE.  When he looks stable, it's only because he's managing it for a time, and there isn't any significant trigger happening at that moment.

I am trying to wrap my head around it to.  I hope this helps.  It's at least one perspective.

engaging writing style, you sound like you've written a book or two.

[afterdeath]

Well another unexpected text again... .  got one early this morning where he texting a message to his boss, but ends up going to me. Why he has my number still I'll never understand? As he was one who dumped me cruelly and abandoned me and told me to let go. Yet he's the one who can't let go.

I replied (1st time since closure), probably shouldn't, but I don't see why I should change my number.

I said 'Please delete my number. Thank you.

Simple and to the point, not engaging with him or anything like that.

Then he replies (which I never replied back to) I made my point very well.

He said. 'Was sent by accident' then went on to say 'For what it's worth I'm sorry' then went on to say, 'I prob made a big mistake but nothing I can do about that now' and finally to top it off insults me at the end (like the drunk texts) saying, 'hope you and him are happy and everything'

I did not reply to that. Deleted his number yet again, and hope never to hear off him again 

Argh anyone? Wish I didn't allow it to get to me

He's lieing, you can't "accidentally" text some one over and over like this. He is simply using it as a rope where he burned the bridge to see of you'll catch the other end still.

It's his way of luring you back in so he knows you're still in his life.

It's all a game. I guarantee it's no accident, and all of his texts have been planned out to seek your attention.

[Discarded26]

Well another unexpected text again... .  got one early this morning where he texting a message to his boss, but ends up going to me. Why he has my number still I'll never understand? As he was one who dumped me cruelly and abandoned me and told me to let go. Yet he's the one who can't let go.

I replied (1st time since closure), probably shouldn't, but I don't see why I should change my number.

I said 'Please delete my number. Thank you.

Simple and to the point, not engaging with him or anything like that.

Then he replies (which I never replied back to) I made my point very well.

He said. 'Was sent by accident' then went on to say 'For what it's worth I'm sorry' then went on to say, 'I prob made a big mistake but nothing I can do about that now' and finally to top it off insults me at the end (like the drunk texts) saying, 'hope you and him are happy and everything'

I did not reply to that. Deleted his number yet again, and hope never to hear off him again 

Argh anyone? Wish I didn't allow it to get to me

He's lieing, you can't "accidentally" text some one over and over like this. He is simply using it as a rope where he burned the bridge to see of you'll catch the other end still.

It's his way of luring you back in so he knows you're still in his life.

It's all a game. I guarantee it's no accident, and all of his texts have been planned out to seek your attention.

Well I'm hoping that text worked. I couldn't of been anymore cold and robot. Just to play with my head. It all games and I stopped playing that game 5 weeks ago.

Just think it's cruel and nasty, like he enjoys rubbing salt into the wound.

He has no need for my number still, and the accusing me of being with someone else?

If he believed that I would be getting a hell of lot of abuse. It just so he can find out what I'm up-to etc.

I can see right through it, and the 'I prob made a big mistake but nothing I can do about that now'. Is just to see if my door is open still, well it isn't EVER going to be again.

[RunLoLaRun]

"But any true feeling and affection he has for you is wrapped up in his projection, fear, loneliness.

That is why you can't trust their words.  It's an ever-changing landscape of emotions and impulses.  Even what is potentially "real" has SO much ___ mixed up in it, he (nor you) can make heads or tails of it.

You are not left with anything you can count on.

The words and feelings expressed which seem SO REAL don't mean that he'll really be there tomorrow.  Because he is HIGHLY UNSTABLE.  When he looks stable, it's only because he's managing it for a time, and there isn't any significant trigger happening at that moment."

This sums up 15 years with my wife. Now she if full blown (highly unstable) and is not being too secretive (really bad at hiding behind the lies) about it. It was all a lie.

[HardTruth]

AfterDeath - Thanks for the sweet compliment!

Discarded -

As he was one who dumped me cruelly and abandoned me and told me to let go. Yet he's the one who can't let go.

I think you are totally right about that.  It is the push/pull between the fear of engulfment and the fear of abandonment.  It's not rational or predictable. His actions are based on impulse, not on a thought out decision.

Just to play with my head.

Just think it's cruel and nasty, like he enjoys rubbing salt into the wound.

It certainly feels like this.  I was APPALLED at what my exBPDbf said and did.  But as I've gotten to know more about the disorder, my understanding is that this is not a "game" that's thought out.  It's a "game" that just happens. It is possible that he has no conscious desire to hurt you.  I don't think mine did.  Yet, even when I told him how much what he was doing was hurting me (this was at the point where he abandoned me with the silent treatment), he couldn't stop himself.

[Blessed0329]

What I see with my xBPDH is a magnified intensity of emotions.  Just this week, he popped over to my house unexpectedly.  He had a small gift for me.  He said he missed talking to me and asked if he could talk to me once in a while.   I said that we could.  He responded, "Great.  I'll disappear."     I asked him if he knew what he'd just said.  He said he did know that he was changing the subject and going away.

That's him.  He was happy to have a pleasant exchange and can now disappear.  He doesn't want to get dragged into things and feel them any more deeply than he already is.  He can take that pleasant exchange and keep that in his head for weeks and weeks and not notice that I'm not present.  In his head, I'm present.  It has a different intensity for him than for me.  He can stay with that thought, safely at a distance from everyone else, and live in his escape.  I'll hear from him again, but it won't be for weeks or months.

It feels like a drip feed and it certainly is fantasy love since a lot of it takes place in his head.  It's what he can manage.  In is mind, I am THE ONE.  It doesn't work for me.  I want a relationship in the physical world and not just in my head with everyone at arm's length. 

Ambi, thank you for this! You have explained something to me that has puzzled me now for the past five weeks. As I attempted to maintain NC from my ex at the end of last year, he kept "picking at me," via FB, "liking" things I posted, making pleasant comments to my posts, etc. About every two weeks he would throw something at me. Finally, I sent him a nice update email to let him know what was going on with me and others at work. His reply was prompt, friendly, but ambiguous, of course. That was five weeks ago, and other than a couple of hangup calls from a blocked number, and some weird things he has posted on FB that might, or might not be directed at me, there had been nothing from him. Its like he finally was ok once I initiated contact in a friendly way, and he could then let go. What you said makes so much sense now.

[Discarded26]

Just messes with my head and brings the hurt all back. then I think. Oh me must care, want me back.

Noo he doesn't. Just trying to use me again.

Just shame it hurts to damn much

[Discarded26]

Hmm another down day.

Why does any contact set me back?

I'm fine when it silent and I seem more positive and getting used to it, then BAM the games start and I feel stupid and a mug again  :'(

[Discarded26]

So another day back to NC, just wondering how others cope?

I don't get his pitiful attempts at contact? Is it just to make himself feel better, so he can accuse me of being with someone else?

Just want to forget, I feel I'm moving on. Then hes back like a bad smell

[afterdeath]

So another day back to NC, just wondering how others cope?

I don't get his pitiful attempts at contact? Is it just to make himself feel better, so he can accuse me of being with someone else?

Just want to forget, I feel I'm moving on. Then hes back like a bad smell

If you want it to end you have the power to end it. You simply ignore and delete the attempts at contact.

How do I cope with NC? I didn't do well at all the first three months. I'd send long heart felt messages only to be ignored, then I found out the truth of what she had done and flipped out via text terrorist style and she threatened to call the cops on me.

Stunned at that response and threat, I immediately deleted her number and have stayed NC ever since. I told her mom happy new years and that's the last thing I've ever contacted with that family.

The fear of what she is capable of has kept me at bay.

[Discarded26]

So another day back to NC, just wondering how others cope?

I don't get his pitiful attempts at contact? Is it just to make himself feel better, so he can accuse me of being with someone else?

Just want to forget, I feel I'm moving on. Then hes back like a bad smell

If you want it to end you have the power to end it. You simply ignore and delete the attempts at contact.

How do I cope with NC? I didn't do well at all the first three months. I'd send long heart felt messages only to be ignored, then I found out the truth of what she had done and flipped out via text terrorist style and she threatened to call the cops on me.

Stunned at that response and threat, I immediately deleted her number and have stayed NC ever since. I told her mom happy new years and that's the last thing I've ever contacted with that family.

The fear of what she is capable of has kept me at bay.

I have done, ignored the drunk texts and everything. Only sent the delete my number pls because that IS what I want. He has no need for it. He dumped me and told me to 'let go'

It's only been 5 weeks, so think I'm doing quite well. Just hurts alot

Suppose I feel lonely and just reminds me I was ditched so easily = hurt

[afterdeath]

So another day back to NC, just wondering how others cope?

I don't get his pitiful attempts at contact? Is it just to make himself feel better, so he can accuse me of being with someone else?

Just want to forget, I feel I'm moving on. Then hes back like a bad smell

If you want it to end you have the power to end it. You simply ignore and delete the attempts at contact.

How do I cope with NC? I didn't do well at all the first three months. I'd send long heart felt messages only to be ignored, then I found out the truth of what she had done and flipped out via text terrorist style and she threatened to call the cops on me.

Stunned at that response and threat, I immediately deleted her number and have stayed NC ever since. I told her mom happy new years and that's the last thing I've ever contacted with that family.

The fear of what she is capable of has kept me at bay.

I have done, ignored the drunk texts and everything. Only sent the delete my number pls because that IS what I want. He has no need for it. He dumped me and told me to 'let go'

It's only been 5 weeks, so think I'm doing quite well. Just hurts alot

Suppose I feel lonely and just reminds me I was ditched so easily = hurt

Sounds oddly familiar.

She told me to move on too the first time, no empathy or a single care at all. Funny thing was as soon as I did move on she came back.

[TheDude]

She told me to move on too the first time, no empathy or a single care at all. Funny thing was as soon as I did move on she came back.

Yep. I hear that. That's been one of the most disturbing things about the break up process (4 times for me). It's as if there's no more emotion/empathy/compassion about what's taking place than a trip to the grocery store. I do wonder if a part of that has to do with the fact that they may, at least subconsciously, know that they can just as easily pull us right back in when the mood strikes them.

[Discarded26]

So another day back to NC, just wondering how others cope?

I don't get his pitiful attempts at contact? Is it just to make himself feel better, so he can accuse me of being with someone else?

Just want to forget, I feel I'm moving on. Then hes back like a bad smell

If you want it to end you have the power to end it. You simply ignore and delete the attempts at contact.

How do I cope with NC? I didn't do well at all the first three months. I'd send long heart felt messages only to be ignored, then I found out the truth of what she had done and flipped out via text terrorist style and she threatened to call the cops on me.

Stunned at that response and threat, I immediately deleted her number and have stayed NC ever since. I told her mom happy new years and that's the last thing I've ever contacted with that family.

The fear of what she is capable of has kept me at bay.

I have done, ignored the drunk texts and everything. Only sent the delete my number pls because that IS what I want. He has no need for it. He dumped me and told me to 'let go'

It's only been 5 weeks, so think I'm doing quite well. Just hurts alot

Suppose I feel lonely and just reminds me I was ditched so easily = hurt

Sounds oddly familiar.

She told me to move on too the first time, no empathy or a single care at all. Funny thing was as soon as I did move on she came back.

It just plain weird!

Just need to get to a place, where I'm truly over him and his games

But easier said then done

[afterdeath]

It's ok discarded, take your time. I'm at six months post relationship and three months NC, and even after all the horrible things she's done to me... .  I still love her and have not found a way to move on yet.

Interesting enough though I no longer believe I'm codependent, or else I'd go grab the nearest girl that liked me, I can stay single for years until I find some one worth taking the risk as I thought she was the one. I still think she was the one.

Dude. Spot on. The emotionless face as I stood there bawling my eyes out is haunting. Total lack of empathy or compassion as me and her daughter cried while she told me to leave.

And to know what she did, she planned it that way, to abuse me until I broke so she could kick me out and continue with the replacement, I can honestly understand why people hurt other people now after they've been abused.


Sadly... .  I'd probably still forgive her.

[Discarded26]

It's ok discarded, take your time. I'm at six months post relationship and three months NC, and even after all the horrible things she's done to me... .  I still love her and have not found a way to move on yet.

Interesting enough though I no longer believe I'm codependent, or else I'd go grab the nearest girl that liked me, I can stay single for years until I find some one worth taking the risk as I thought she was the one. I still think she was the one.

Time and NC is a great healer, just be SOO glad when I get to that point, when his breadcrumbs mean nothing, he means nothing to me anymore. I won't feel a thing.

That's same for me. He was the only person fully opened up to. He fed me a fantasy.

I thought I was getting there, coping. Even feeling more positive but any contact, sets me right back.

I just have to keep remembering all the lies and what he has done, and it's unforgivable.

[Discarded26]

Well today's a new one for me

I am upset again  :'(  I haven't cried or felt like this in ages  :'(

All because of a breadcrumb text, pathetic

[afterdeath]

Well today's a new one for me

I am upset again  :'(  I haven't cried or felt like this in ages  :'(

All because of a breadcrumb text, pathetic

Do you want him back? Why does he have the power to make you cry so bad?

What do you really want?

You're not pathetic. I use to fish for those breadcrumbs. I still look at my phone some times waiting for a text from her.

Vent and hang in there.