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Think About It... Many individuals fail in attempts to detach from abusive relationships because they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources - and the emotions on both sides "amp" up. The best exit is one where you are boring and resigned. ~ Joseph Carver, PhD.
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Author Topic: Coping with Stalking - how do you do it?  (Read 674 times)
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Posts: 115

« on: February 17, 2013, 02:14:22 AM »

As my intro post said, my last experience with my former fwBPD ended in stalking - specifically, with me being stalked.

Owing to various situations in my life which I refuse explain in a public forum, completely removing my presence via name changes and whatever else is not exactly the most feasible or viable option ever.

That said, I did remove myself and my presence the best that I could given circumstances...  

But despite having removed myself the best I can, some of 'me' still exists out there and that part of 'me' my former fwBPD still stalks.

It's been years of NC and they're STILL stalking me.  Holidays.  Birthday.  Montly. Yearly.

I guess I should be grateful; 5 years ago, it was happening every few hours as opposed to every month to every other month.

I also guess I probably ought to simply ignore this the best that I can and just...   pretend it isn't happening and that them and their stalking activities don't exist.

But it bothers me.

It's an invasion of privacy and I hate feeling like someone is walking by my home always trying to peek in between closed shutters to see if they can catch a glimpse into my life...   and to see if they can somehow fit back in.

I'm going back into therapy to help me cope and manage with the anger issues that have stemmed from this, but that isn't going to make the stalking end and quite frankly, if the stalking hasn't ended by now, I have to wonder if it will ever end, period.

How have others of you coped with and managed to deal with stalking if you've ever had to deal with it?

Also, for how long has the stalking happened and did it ever end?
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Posts: 59

« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2013, 03:05:37 AM »

How have others of you coped with and managed to deal with stalking if you've ever had to deal with it?

Also, for how long has the stalking happened and did it ever end?

I haven't been stalked. But, she has broken NC a lot...   especially when I've ignored her. I think she doesn't bother now because she's preoccupied with her new virtual friends and her long distance engagement. But, I'm sure when it all fades I should be getting that text or call.

What I fear the most is her trying to sabotage any new solid involvement I end up engaging in.

She still has traces of jealousy towards me. I hope it go away.  Doing the right thing

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Posts: 115

« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2013, 03:13:05 AM »

Best of luck to you in that regard! smiley

I hope everything goes great for you and I hope she moves on and becomes healthy with help!

In my case, my former fwBPD kind of launched a smear campaign against me once I put my foot down and finally went the route of NC.

As I eventually ended up disconnecting from anyone and anything related to them, I have no idea if they're still doing what they were doing previously...   but I DO know that they're still chasing after me.
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Posts: 5316

« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2013, 08:51:17 AM »

Hello Iced.

I've been stalked for eleven years now.  Although, I don't really consider the last 6 years stalking, I guess.  Compared to the first five years, it's just an annoyance.

The first few years were the worst.  It was bad.  He had supposedly left my State, yet I'd come home from work and a chair or a plant or some other random object had been moved.  There were two occasions where after I had moved (I moved 9 times in 5 years trying to "hide" from him,) there were messages on my v/m describing the outside of my new place. Obviously, the messages were left so that I'd know he knew where I was.  Another incident was after a gig.  When I heard my messages, there was a recording of my gig.  So obviously, he was there, hanging in the crowd somewhere...   recording me.  There were many of these kinds of things that happened during the first few years -- it was unnerving and scary. I tried to have him prosecuted for this, but they could never find him.

I own a store and back then, I was also a regular performer. Because these things are so public, I am not hard to find.  It didn't matter how many times I tried to hide by moving, changing numbers, etc...   I can be found...   easily.  And as long as I still have my store, I will always be easy to find.

Anyway...   as the years passed, the heavy stalking decreased and turned into a dull roar.  As far as I know, he DOES live in a different State which is why I'm no longer so unnerved by it.  If I ever believed he was here, my attitude about this would be very different.

Now...   at the eleven year mark, I guess it could still be considered "stalking," but it isn't enough for the authorities to take it seriously.  Now it's a few ridiculous messages left on my work v/m once or twice a year.  I know he stalks my f/b page, because in one of the messages he left recently, he told me that he looks at it many times every day and wishes I would "friend" him.  Um...   rolleyes

I've just accepted the fact that it goes on and I that I don't even really know to what degree.  Really...   there isn't much else I can do about it except go on and live my life to the fullest.

I don't know if it will ever end.  I guess I'm finally to the point where I don't expect it to end, but I don't really think about it that much anymore.  Maybe that's denial, but I refuse to let him rob me of one more minute of my peace!



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Posts: 734

« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2013, 08:09:22 PM »

I am pretty sure I've been stalked on a much lesser degree than Turtle.  That's pretty intense stuff.  I work with my ex and we are still entangled far too much.  I am attempting to detach without causing WWIII...     I'm pretty sure it's not possible but still giving it my best attempt.   But even when I wasn't trying to detach, I know he stalked places that he THOUGHT I was going to be - ie, work happy hour, parties, etc.

Places I told him that I wouldn't go to, but he was convinced I would show up to.  I know he showed up at some places since friends told me.  He of course claimed he was going to go anyway (after totally refusing to go ahead of time).  Happy hours?  I know he must have sat in parking lots waiting to see if I went there...    

Pretty crazy stuff...     he used to accuse his exgirlfriend of stalking him...   and actually she DID, I know because she did it when I was initially seeing him!  But I had no idea most of what he said about her was probably just his projections onto her...  

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