Finally going NC... trying to hang in there... but

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all

I have been guilty of setting "soft boundaries" if you will. As a result my ex BPD partner has been behaving in her usual manner ... .  saying one thing one day... .  then something totally opposite another.

It's been almost 3 months since her leaving ( the 3rd time in 4 years)

We live separately and are about 90 min from each other. ... .  yesterday she sent me an email saying "help me" ... .  then within an hour one saying she was  coming to see me... .  she never did show up... .  but kept me me in place of anxiety!

I realize ... .  in my moments of clarity ... .  that my inability to detach is hurting me immensely and I end up starting at square one all over again.

I realize that this has to be about ME now... .  and I have to take care of myself... .  but even this littlest of threads that keeps me attached to her ... .  is so very hard to break.

I have ignored her (going on day 3) and am praying that I can keep taking those baby steps ahead.

When will she realize and stop... .  I'm guessing there isn't an answer to that... .  

So hard... .  So much anxiety

I am in therapy , but am only able to go every 2 weeks... .  

I feel as if I need it every day

These boards are very helpful and am grateful for all that are here... .  

A

[Cimbaruns]

Hi all

I have been guilty of setting "soft boundaries" if you will. As a result my ex BPD partner has been behaving in her usual manner ... .  saying one thing one day... .  then something totally opposite another.

It's been almost 3 months since her leaving ( the 3rd time in 4 years)

We live separately and are about 90 min from each other. ... .  yesterday she sent me an email saying "help me" ... .  then within an hour one saying she was  coming to see me... .  she never did show up... .  but kept me me in place of anxiety!

I realize ... .  in my moments of clarity ... .  that my inability to detach is hurting me immensely and I end up starting at square one all over again.

I realize that this has to be about ME now... .  and I have to take care of myself... .  but even this littlest of threads that keeps me attached to her ... .  is so very hard to break.

I have ignored her (going on day 3) and am praying that I can keep taking those baby steps ahead.

When will she realize and stop... .  I'm guessing there isn't an answer to that... .  

So hard... .  So much anxiety

I am in therapy , but am only able to go every 2 weeks... .  

I feel as if I need it every day

These boards are very helpful and am grateful for all that are here... .  

A

[david]

My ex changed when I changed. I made boundaries and stuck to them. I thought about them before making them and not in the heat of the moment. We have two children together and I only communicate through email.  Ex still calls me knowing full well that I haven't answered my phone in over three years. Last year she started calling from unrecognised numbers. I didn't answer and let my voicemail pick up. She would hang up and then call from the same number and leave a message. There wasn't a single message that needed to be addressed and could have been done through email. I had 7 numbers in my caller ID from these calls.