Ruminating & Recurring Thoughts

[Mistified247]

Hi all,

I've been a member on here for quite sometime, and sometimes it feels like I am taking three steps forward and one step backward - which is progress.

My problem is that every single day recently my ex BPD pops into my head, and it could be at any time of the day.  Despite being in a new amazing relationship, I find myself feeling worried about her, and what she is up to and whether she is OK. I've barely had any contact from her at all over the last few months, but I also find myself replaying some of the really bad moments in my head and having flashbacks and nightmares. I am not sure if anyone has any experience of this, but could this potentially be some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? I find myself wanting to check in with her, but I know that is a BAD idea. I've my first T session this Thursday, so hoping this will help to put my thoughts back to normal... .  

[trevjim]

I am in the same boat as you, its horrible, I dont have a new relationship, and my job is physical not mental, so she is always on my mind.

I find myself clenching my jaw all day and wake up at night with swollen throbbing gums from the stress.

Its strange how random memories can pop into your head, i guess we just have to ride them out and process them.

[seeking balance]

Hi,

A new relationship is not a band-aid for the grief or withdraws you may go through in detaching from the BPD relationship.

A therapist is GREAT - good for you to do this for yourself.

For now, each time she pops into your head, are you capable of "letting it go".  The same technique used in meditation when thoughts come into our heads.  Meditation is great training for learning to be in the moment and let thoughts pass through without ruminating on them.

Peace,

SB

[Mistified247]

Hi SB I know that a new relationship is not a band aid for the wounds I have suffered, and that is not why I started a new relationship. My problem is, that although I am moving on, my mind and the trauma it suffered doesn't seem to be moving on and it is effecting me letting go and letting a new person into my mind. It is happening slowly but surely, but that is why I am off to see the T. There are obviously things that need to be worked out, and I want my behaviour and reactions to be determined by my character, and not the warped character that my ex BPD created out of me. I've come a long way since the break up, and I am enjoying hobbies and seeing friends which I had lost sight of. The problem is how to get rid of these flash backs and her popping into my head... .  Isn't it strange how it's always the great memories which pop in too? Although I have had flashbacks of the horrible times.