Need to run away from it all...

[Foreverhopefull]

We constantly talk about needing a great support group and how it's what keeps us strong and sane.

Well, my support group is just too weak right now or the crap in my life is just too big (financial stress, office stress, increased demands from sick relatives and a very long depression stage from dBPDh) right now and it's been accumulating for too long. I'm totally runned down.

I'm tired of the constant fight to survive, the constant budget juggle, the constant emotional instability, the constant lack of social life with my husband, the feeling of being invisible until someone needs me, then getting crap for helping that person out. I'm tired of working hard every day, but have nothing to enjoy the fruit of that hard work... .  I'm tired.

For the last 6 years, it's been the fear of bankruptcy, the fear of my husband dying, dealing with the lost of 4 family members (3 of which where due to murder-suicide, the other, my grand-mother died in my arms, all within 1 year of each other), the struggle to balance work with the high demands of a non-functioning dBPDh, the struggles at work of being a much younger boss than the age of the employees, the family drama that I continue to get dragged in (even if I have nothing to do with it), dealing with my husband's anxiety attacks in public areas (or each time we talk of doing something).

All I want to do is hide from life right now. All I dream of is locking myself in a hotel room, get room service and just not tell anyone where I am for a week or two. I just need to stop and do something I want for a few days... .  which is do nothing, talk to no one, just disappear from life's demands for a few days... .  is it too much?

When do we get that break?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[laelle]

"All I want to do is hide from life right now. All I dream of is locking myself in a hotel room, get room service and just not tell anyone where I am for a week or two. I just need to stop and do something I want for a few days... .  which is do nothing, talk to no one, just disappear from life's demands for a few days... .  is it too much?"



Wow, that sounds like a fantastic idea.  Life has really done you in lately, and you soo deserve a break.  There is no one stopping you from taking time for yourself.  Take one of your girlfriends on a weekend trip nearby.  A few days can really help to rejuvenate you.  Take care of you because frankly, no one else is gonna do it.  

[Foreverhopefull]

The thing that's stopping me right now is money.

After paying all the bills, I had 19$ left for 2 weeks worth of groceries.

[laelle]

I know what you mean.  :)oesnt mean you cant buy a small bottle of calgon, a large bottle of beer, take a long (do not disturb or die) bath, and read a book or relax.  Maybe think about some other things that you like to do that are inexpensive.  You can run and hide.  You deserve a break.

[Cloudy Days]

I know how you feel to the fullest. I day dream about getting in the car and driving to wherever it takes me and then staying away from everyone for weeks. Heck, I could live in the woods, it would be a nice change and I don't even know how to camp out. No phone, no computer and no people. Heck I could sleep in the car, That's how bad I want a vacation.

My husband doesn't work, so basically I'm either home with him or I'm at work. I get zero alone time and it drives me insane sometimes. Even if I go on Vacation, it's not gonna be a Vacation away from him and his issues so it's not a real Vacation away from your problems. 

I think the closest I get to a break in my life is loafing on the couch watching a movie in the morning before he wakes up. Sometimes I get to do my hobby but that's a tricky one to make time for and he's still there, making sure I know he wants attention.

[briefcase]

Hi foreverhopeful, that's one tough stretch you've been on.     Sometimes "taking care of ourselves" is easier said than done.  I went through about a 2 year run that was very similar to what you've been living.  It's hard to keep going.  I took a lot of long walks.  I read books for fun.  I called family and friends, some of whom I hadn't spoken to in long time.  When things got unbearable with my wife, I even took a vacation without her for a few days. 

Do what you need to do to build up some strength again.

[DyingLove]

Foreverhopeful, if I didn't know better I would think that I was the one who wrote your post. I feel the same way, I was just talking to a friend on Facebook, I was really unloading,, and then they were gone. Yes people have their lives, probably when they take a good look at our lives they are glad they have theirs. I'm in the same boat, no money. How often do you say... .  look God, I'm not asking for very much, maybe $25,000,, I've paid my dues, I'm on the last leg of life,, can't you cut me a break! I saved quite often I think it quite often and I mean it. I figure that much money right now would give me a little bit of an extension on getting my life situated and in order. I look at it this way, I could run away from everything and everyone, but I just can't run away from myself,, a matter where I go I'm gonna be there. Sometimes I wish, even right now, I could just find somebody for companionship. Someone to unload on and even have them unload on me. As much as I've tried unloading on my significant other, I find myself playing Russian roulette by myself. Right after I write this I'll be posting the latest escapades going on with me hoping somebody could lead me in the right direction. It seems you've been in this gutter for a long time. I've been with the significant other since 2011, but I've only been here, living together, for seven months. Seven long, weary, tearful, gut wrenching, nerve-racking... .  jump right in and add a few,, months. Love, hugs, best wishes and prayers to you right now also.

[iluminati]

All I want to do is hide from life right now. All I dream of is locking myself in a hotel room, get room service and just not tell anyone where I am for a week or two. I just need to stop and do something I want for a few days... .  which is do nothing, talk to no one, just disappear from life's demands for a few days... .  is it too much?

When do we get that break?

Whenever you want.

Here's the thing.  You need to make space for yourself, period.  I understand that outside of your husband that your family has been through a lot.  Having a husband have mental issues sucks as well.  The thing is you need to declare your own time.  Whatever it is you want to do, make a plan, make sure your responsibilities are taken care of, THEN GO DO IT.  Don't ask for permission.  Besides, with all the demands from your husband and family, you know the answer would be no.

Just get the hell away!