Meddling anyone?

[DyingLove]

Good day everyone. While I wish it was here.

Does anybody have a significant other with meddling family?

I know my BPD significant other has a close knit family, but I did not realize until now that there was meddling involved. When we go at it, we can be like cats and dogs on crack. So this past weekend where really going at it,, to make a long story short, her brother ended up on the telephone while we were fighting. I realized never tell your BPD significant other to do something, like: go ahead tell him what's going on. She seems to take everything exactly at face value that I say. So she let him onto everything,, all the horrible dirt that I was throwing at her, but of course nothing about the dirt she threw at me. While since then, we've made up as always, but now the family is meddling in our affairs. Obviously the brother was invited in to this mess the day we were fighting. He doesn't have much of a life of his own, and his relationships aren't worthy of mention, so it's like the pot calling the kettle black. He's even called the mother and got her into it, and the significant other got a call from her mother at lunchtime. Now you would think that a 40-year-old woman would be responsible enough to take care of her own matters. That's not happening here. It seems that the family is very controlling, and she takes their words very seriously. I'm sure she's also insulted at the accusations thrown at her, thus causing her to be manipulated.

While I'm very pissed off about this entire situation, but it's a little bit too late to back up and hit the delete button. I know given a little time, it will probably be water under the bridge until the next episode. Right now I'm hot and bothered, and not in a good way.

I could use a little good feedback right now, and if you don't have the feedback, will somebody kindly sneak up behind me and clobber me in the back of the head and knock me out for about a month! I need the rest. Thanks as always.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

Sounds like a tough weekend.  Since I don't have a club handy, I'll just suggest you spend a little time re-reading Lessons 2 and 3.   

If you find yourself in a Dog v. Cat argument, then you are missing your cue for a time out somewhere and contributing to the problem by engaging in JADE.  It's easy to do, and happens to the best of us.   

It's unfortunate that her brother and possibly other family members are meddling in your relationship now.  As you said . . . he was invited in.  I would work on some type of "broken record" response in SET format that you can pull out and say each and every time you get an inquiry from her brother or mother or whoever.  You can't keep her from talking to her brother, but at least you can be prepared if he confronts you. 

Sorry things took a turn for the worse.  I do agree that in a little time this will probably be water under the bridge.  Live and learn.

[DyingLove]

Sounds like a tough weekend.  Since I don't have a club handy, I'll just suggest you spend a little time re-reading Lessons 2 and 3.   

If you find yourself in a Dog v. Cat argument, then you are missing your cue for a time out somewhere and contributing to the problem by engaging in JADE.  It's easy to do, and happens to the best of us.   

It's unfortunate that her brother and possibly other family members are meddling in your relationship now.  As you said . . . he was invited in.  I would work on some type of "broken record" response in SET format that you can pull out and say each and every time you get an inquiry from her brother or mother or whoever.  You can't keep her from talking to her brother, but at least you can be prepared if he confronts you. 

Sorry things took a turn for the worse.  I do agree that in a little time this will probably be water under the bridge.  Live and learn.

THe same way an alcoholic falls off the wagon, I've fallen off the BPD wagon.  Sometimes I just revert to human being status and can't help myself.  It doesn't help that I often don't know when to walk away! Thanks for the feedback.  Did you ever see the movie THE END with Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise?  Should be required part of BPD training!  LOL

[Rockylove]

I'd hate to think that I missed an opportunity to knock you in the back of the head   

Sorry you had a rough time.  I really have no words of wisdom for you, unfortunately.  It's a shame that the very people we should be able to share with are the ones we often have to leave out of the equation.  One of my sisters told once that saying nothing is easier than hearing the "I told you so's" afterward.  I tend to agree (I've gotten much more selective about what I'll share with the fam)

I hope things blow over soon and remember... .  if you want that knock on the head, I've got the bat!   

[DyingLove]

I'd hate to think that I missed an opportunity to knock you in the back of the head   

Sorry you had a rough time.  I really have no words of wisdom for you, unfortunately.  It's a shame that the very people we should be able to share with are the ones we often have to leave out of the equation.  One of my sisters told once that saying nothing is easier than hearing the "I told you so's" afterward.  I tend to agree (I've gotten much more selective about what I'll share with the fam)

I hope things blow over soon and remember... .  if you want that knock on the head, I've got the bat!