Hello

[Waiting to Exhale]

i haven't been around in awhile.  Things got crazy with graduate school.  I had to withdraw from school this past semester so that's overwith.  And now I'm back at home with my crazy uBPD mom. She's making my life miserable! Which I knew she would but I have nowhere else to go, I tried finding a job, but noone's hiring.  None of my friends have any spare rooms available  So it sucks and i'm working on getting out of the lion's den as quickly as possible.  But I'm already feeling hopeless and upset. 

In the week I've been home she's tried to bring up everything I've ever done "wrong", has called me fat in overt and covert ways, etc.  I have to "be nice" to her or else I run the risk of being kicked out or have my dad jump down my throat because she'll get him involved in the middle of our disputes.  She refused to get me medical treatment yesterday because I wouldn't spell a word for her.  Just stupid stuff that makes no sense.  Saying one thing, doing another.  Typical BPD fashion.

Only there's a piece of the puzzle that's finally coming out.  My mom's therapist has mentioned to her (in passing) that she thinks she has a personality disorder.  She told me this last week when she was trying to shove it in my face that I have bipolar and that she does't because she's been tested, but she does have a personality disorder!  Tried to inquire into which one and she's like which one's the best one to have, and then made a "joke" about having multiple personalities... .  so maybe she'll finally be diagnosed and I can officially say she's dBPD instead of just going with my gut.  Even though anyone who knows her agrees that she's "not right".  I figured I should log back onto the boards and garner all the help I can get for the next few months of dealing with her and her drama.  I've only been back a week and it feels so much longer . 

Thankfully I have people I can hang out with in the area when they're not busy/working. 

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Waiting to Exhale,

I can imagine how stressful it is living with your mother again, especially after you've been on your own for a while--I hope that it's temporary.

In the meantime, it sounds like you have a good idea of how your mother will behave. What you can do from here is look at reducing the conflict and dealing with her behavior in a way that validates her feelings but keeps up your boundaries. SET is great for explaining to her what is ok and what isn't.

One thing that helped me when I lived with my parents was keeping busy. Do you have any activities that you could do or friends you could visit to stay active?

It's interesting that your mother's therapist has mentioned that your mother might have a PD, and encouraging that your mother is seeing a therapist. How did your mother react to what her therapist said, aside from the joke about having multiple personalities?

[ScarletOlive]

Hi Waiting to Exhale,

Wow, very sorry for the struggles. I'm in school myself, and I totally understand why you'd need to withdraw from school for a bit. It sounds so tough living with your mom. I'll sit with you.

Besides what GeekyGirl wrote about SET (to which I heartily concur), maybe you could try DEARMAN? It helped me a lot when I was still living with my mom. Do you have hobbies you like? Headphones are really helpful too. I listen to my music to block out sounds, and my hobbies keep me out of the way and out of the house.

Sitting with you, and sending much caring and support your way.

[Waiting to Exhale]

@Geeky I really don't know how she reacted.  I wasn't there in the room when the Dr. told her.  But she mentioned it to me afterwards and then to someone on the phone earlier this week.  I'm sure that she'll deny she has anything wrong with her, if this therapist keeps up with it I'm sure my mom will shut her down and call her a fruitcake like she did her last therapist.  So I'm not holding my breath nor am I seeing it as a good thing she's in therapy.  She's only there because she can't get her meds any other way. 

I have hobbies, but I don't have a car or my license.  I am trying to find a job but find it difficult to do anything when my only available ride sleeps all day and stays up all night.